another one in the books

Man let me tell you.....what a weekend. I did a ton of cool stuff. Mostly strip clubs so I wanted to share my experiences. Friday I called in sick at the waffle house and was ready to party. I borrowed my moms car and his the winn dixie to grab some brew. Milwaukees best ice wasn't on sale so I went with my old standby, mickeys malt liquor. Mom was having the church group at her house so she made me use the back door. I stared drinking around 5pm and popped a few mini-thins. Every Friday night I watch the movie "players club" with bernie mac. I have seen it 113 times and still love it. I remind myself of the character "dollar bill". I polished off 12 mickeys and was ready to roll. This weekends persona was new. Remember I dress in character every weekend to impress the dancers. I'm usually normal things like a cowboy, a rabbi, a jewish accountant, a pro wrestler, etc. Tonight though, I was gonna be a strip club owner pimp just like bernie mac. Man if I was an actual "club owner in town from atlanta" imagine the pussy id get. Boy was I right. I went to the mall to "urban outfitters" and got a new suit. It was oversized and silky. Royal blue. Damn this motherfucker was on and poppin. Gold buttons. Got me some white shoes that looked like alligator skin. I thought I was ready until I saw the white felt fedora. The hat of a true player. Shit man I'm looking like a mississippi pimp and was ready for the hunt. My scooter was in the shop getting some new rims so I did what a true playa would do....rented a car. I was looking for a 2010 cadillac deville but all they had were sub compact kias. Fuck it give me one. it was a 2001 kia sorento sittin on 14's. It wasn't what I had in mind but I had some ideas. I went to kmart and got vinyl lettering and wrote PLAYERS CLUB on the windshield. Shit I was lookin fly. I got some pop on spinner rims for my new whip. I'm off....hit 85 south and head to platinum. I get out of my ride. The valet bitch (guy) was stunned when I came in straight stuntin like my daddy in the kia. I got out and threw him the keys like a fucking OG pimp and said "keep her safe jimmy". He said "hey playa hang on a minute". Turns out the valet wasn't running here anymore and I just threw my keys to a customer. I told him "whatever" and handed him a folded bill and said "see if you can't figure it out" and I walked inside. Right away its on and poppin. Well, after I dealt with this bitch up front. She said no hats allowed. Do what? I said hold up ho...my names jamal bentley owner of the playas club in atlanta. I smiled and showed her my gold grill. (Clip in). I told her that the hat stays or I go. she said "get lost fucker". Damn. Hatin already. I told her to quit hatin on a playa and begged her. I threw her a dollar and said "do we have an understanding?" She laughed and called a bouncer. I had a pocket full of money (34 dollars) so I knew I could buy my way in. The bouncer was a jerk. Typical sc bouncer. Tuxedo shirt, long hair slicked back in a pony tail and cowboy boots. I threw him a bill and said hold up playa....names jamal....and I am king of the atl. He asked for id. I showed him. He said....your fucking name is not jamal asshole.... I told him that's my stage name. I gave him another bill. He didn't flinch. Another. Nothing. Just then my atf girl walked up. LEXUS let a playa holla! She for some reason walked away....probably didn't see me. I threw 2 fifty cent pieces and told the bouncer that's my final offer. He punched me square in the nose. Bang I'm on the floor. Code 4 pimp down. Pimp in distress. I was bleeding like a dancer on the rag. Naw playa fuck this I'm bout to buss a cap. Shiiiiit. I got up and said "yo man don't you kn......" BANG I'm hit with a taser. I'm shaking like a black guy in court. What the fuck? Who tazed me! This suit cost 59 dollars and somebody was gonna clean it. Man the damn cops were there. I told them who I was. They didn't care. I was cuffed and stuffed. Kia had been towed. Towtruck found my 8ball and called the cops. Damn man everybody be hatin on me. I spent all weekend in greenville county jail. I'm home now and pissed. My conclusion is they were scared of me. Scared cause I was a CLUB OWNER and they knew I knew the game. So this weekend was aight. I got hated on but I'm used to it. Ima keep on doin my thang y'all can't even see me