Hobby or harm reduction?

Jul 22, 2023, 4:24 AM

For those unfamiliar, "harm reduction" means you limit the harm of an addition, rather than recover from it. Switching to methadone if you're an opioid addict is an example. I've never heard any stats, but it seems fairly common that some people can stay off booze by becoming heavy pot users.

Can persistent sexual desire be considered an addiction? I say "persistent", since some women say they don't feel particularly horny when they're not in love. Many consider addiction to be something people fall into due to lack of self-discipline. But, seems more complicated to me, addicts seem to enjoy (at first) what they're addicted to more than average. So you can say that sex is something that a higher percentage of people greatly enjoy.

I think, for me at least, going to strip clubs is harm reduction on the whole. I stopped going for several months, but started to slip into a deep depression. It's a better option than getting married just for sex. Or streetwalkers who likely are addicts (lacking in harm reduction) and/or are pimped. I think I´d be happier if I just lost interest in sex.

I would miss the relationships/conversations I"ve had with a lot of my favs. It's the only situation where I have a fairly open conversation with people under 40. These days it's the only situation where I have a fairly open conversation with a non-white person. And strippers tend to have interesting lifestyles, "outlaw" to some extent.

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docsavage2 years ago

When I was young, going to strip clubs made me depressed. Girls there my age wanted me to hand them a lot of money before they would have anything to do with me. In a way, they were treating me as an inferior. I was happier with my girlfriend who looked just as good as them and who would spend time with me for free just because she liked me.

I felt different in my fifties. The dancers looked much better than anyone I could date. A lot of older women can't admit to themselves their looks are gone and still want guys to treat them like they are a hot twenty-year-old. Spending time with a demanding sexually unattractive old woman was what made me depressed and having a cute young girl at the strip club being friendly to me and doing lap dances with me increased my happiness.

motorhead2 years ago

Some addiction specialists suggest you shouldn’t watch porn because 100% of the talent are drug and alcohol abusers and you are supporting their habit.

Does the harm reduction theory apply to only the customer?

drewcareypnw2 years ago

“Can persistent sexual desire be considered an addiction? ”.

No not at the moment, but it comes and goes.

The diagnostic service manual that the psych industry uses used to have a sex related item “hyper sexuality” but it got pulled in the current version. Now they’re looking at putting it back on for the next one, but it will be more about the typical addiction language: compulsive behavior, negative consequences, trying to quit, etc. it’s probably a thing, but it’s not clearly defined by research and controversial.

Jdo112 years ago

If it is negatively impacting your quality of life then it may as well be an addiction.
It sounds like you feel lonely more so than guilty. Using strippers for sex won't fix your feelings of loneliness.
I don't know universal solutions for male loneliness but a low committal option would be working out. Since it sounds you're craving platonic relationships with women you could always try internet dating; just be careful to not commit yourself to anything more than platonic lest you be taken advantage of.

ilbbaicnl2 years ago

No, I don't think I'm lonely. I think my point is a valid one. I see a lot of evidence that sex is like an addiction for many or most men. A craving that can't be consistently satisfied in the long run, while remaining a highly functional personn. And romance is like an addiction for many or most women (and some men too). The idea that one person can believably promise to be sexual satisfied with someone else for the rest of their life. I guess it's not impossible, but the odds seem under 50%.

Yes, I do have guilt/regret feelings. They typically want their shot at romance, like women in general. Stripping makes it an even longer long shot.

skibum6092 years ago

Relationships built on sexual attraction are limited in scope and time and sex makes a foundation as strong as a house built next to an eroding cliff. Strip clubs are a night out, not a substitute for a relationship.

crosscheck2 years ago

I think a pretty good rule of thumb is that when you are asking yourself "Do I have a problem?" you probably already know the answer is yes.

ilbbaicnl2 years ago

But I'm asking "Do we all have a problem?" As far as aggravation goes, going to strip clubs is worse than permanently being in the market for a used car. But, doesn't stop us. The posts here are filled with contempt for strippers. Seems like a sign of an addiction, when you continue even though it requires you to associate with people you have contempt for.

We're functional addicts. The worse consequence typically is contributing to the breakup with an SO, but there's usually other issues with the SO. Only heard of one guy who emptied out his 401K.

drewcareypnw2 years ago

I don't think we all have a problem. We are definitely not all addicts. You may as well say that you are addicted to food or water or air.

If you observe the negative consequences in your life because of X, decide you have a problem with X, try to quit X, and can't keep from coming back to X, then you have a problem with X. You could then be said to be displaying addictive behavior wrt X.

On the other hand, if you feel your life is in balance, and you indulge in X, then you have a hobby, nothing more.

I don't think that strip clubs are aggravating on the whole, but I do get aggravated occasionally at a SC and then write about it here.