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They were not Jehova’s Witnesses... nor were the LDS missionaries...

So yours truly was sitting at home at 11:30 as the day was winding down when I heard the doorbell.

I turned on the porch light to see two well-dressed young men who asked “would you like to learn about your Lord and Savior?”

Although I was tired, I always enjoy fucking with the religious so I decided to make a Jesus/Jesús joke and say “yeah yeah yeah I know you think he’s your fucking savior but I saw Jesús down at the Home Depot parking lot...why don’t you catch up with him there?”

The young men were not bothered. Instead, one of them said “Jesus is not the savior”. His friend then added “no, we want to tell you the good news about Dracula” 🧛‍♂️

“So...you’re vampire missionaries?” I asked. The answer came rapidly: “ofcourse, where do you think new vampires come from if not from our missions? “

I hesitated for a moment and then replied that I assumed new vampires rose from the grave after being bit by an existing vampire.

Both young men looked disappointed, and one replied “There are a lot of ugly rumors...may we come in?”