SJG Explained?

thetimes.co.uk

Once upon a time, in 15th-century Venice, a man called Simon had sex with a goat. Somehow he was caught and brought before the Signori di Notte. These were, literally, the lords of the night, and their court dealt with bad things that happened in Venice after dark. Those bad things included sodomy; sodomy included bestiality; and bestiality included riding one’s goat. So it was that Simon was up before a judge, pleading for his life.

Simon’s defence was unusual. He did not deny goat-f***ing. But he had a good excuse. He claimed an accident three years earlier had left him unable “to have sexual relations with a woman or masturbate”. The court called a panel of experts to investigate, who found that “he has a defect in his testicles which leaves him little sensation . . . he can neither emit sperm nor be healed”.

Next, two prostitutes were summoned and ordered to “carry out many experiments to see if Simon could in any way be corrupted”. He could not. And so the court was satisfied. Although the judge found Simon guilty of sodomy, the mitigating circumstances — his inability to be aroused by human touch — meant he was spared the ultimate penalty: burning alive. Instead he was beaten, branded and had his right hand chopped off. We do not know if he ever saw the goat again.