Dejected Dancers

9/10/2007 3:19:38 PM

The earlier-posted issue of whether rejection bothers dancers is closed to new posts, so I've added this from the Pink site, and its consistent with what I've seen at certain upscale clubs during less busy hours over recent months. In fact several times I would just slip certain girls a large bill as I cannot stand to see such despondent and disheartened dancers - you be surprised how it perked them up. One time one jumped up from her seat and started working the floor with a super-energy level. An old post from the Pink site:

"So how do you deals with all the "no's" you get in addition to all the "yes's?" I worked in Phoenix and that place did a number on my self-esteem. Aside from being the least money I've ever made from dancing, the constant rejection killed me. I was used to working in a stage club in Oregon that didn't even offer table dancing. Having to go to table after table and hearing from one to twenty "no's" before hearing a "yes" made me feel completely undesirable. I would go home thinking, " a hundred guys tonight don't think I'm worthy of five bucks (that was the price of dances in AZ in 1996). It made me hate myself and question whether I was even attractive at all. Sure, I saw girls I thought were drop-dead-gorgeous go through the same thing I was. That didn't comfort me at all, though. I still felt totally rejected. I sunk into quite a depression after living in Phoenix. Even today, six years later, my self-esteem is still not the same.
So how do you deal with the rejection without it ruining your self-esteem and truly impacting your life?"

14 comments

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casualguy

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17 years ago

I would respond by trying to answer think of yourself in the customers shoes if she can. For instance, a guy may be trying to watch his money and how much he spends during the night. He arrives at a club and wants to look at all the dancers or most of the dancers before deciding on who to get a dance from. Before he has an opportunity to do so, dancer after dancer comes over and asks "wanna dance?" He keeps saying no, no, no. He may be getting irritated by it all. He may just want to drink a few drinks and let himself get warmed up enjoying the view. Guys are visually stimulated and aren't always horny and ready to go on a moments notice. Maybe he's having a bad day and doesn't want any dances from even the best looking dancer. Guys have moods just like girls. It's also possible he has his eye on one particular dancer and doesn't want any dances until he gets her. With a 5 dollar dance price, it might be like buying a beer. Some guys milk it for over an hour, some guys are picky about their brand of beer and won't settle for anything else, some guys gulp it down and then cut themselves off, a few guys won't drink any. Everyone's different but charm and grace may win out if not tonight but on another visit. Then that guy may want a dance from the same dancer over and over again every visit.

casualguy

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17 years ago

I guess I would talk if I felt like it instead of offering money and the club music volume wasn't too loud. If she looked good though, 5 dollars seems like a cheap price for a table dance. I'd get one.

David9999

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17 years ago

One girl who look the most dejected, I had danced with her a 2 or 3 times in prior months, probably 500 dollars worth, and would converse with her at various times usually about how the business was going etc, and she's very young around 21 y/o so I wasn't real confortable with her in terms of dancing so I'd had turn her down myself before she stopped even asking me, I prefer dancers more like early 30's with the great personalities. However this particular girl has a very good body, was a blonde with an astonishingly drop-dead beautiful face, high school cheerleader etc - and apparently she wasn't used to rejection. Now I guess one might say she was spoiled in that regard, however to see someone like that sitting in the corner on a slow day completely despondent and so dejected merely it was slow and because 4 or 5 guys in a row either weren't interested in/couldn't afford /weren't ready for - dances starting in the 25 dollar range, its kind of a pathetic sight probably only possible in this alternate reality world of strip clubs.

minnow

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17 years ago

Analogy: Dancer walks into a dept. store with, say, $50 in her purse. She walks into cosmetics section, notices 15-20 different brands of perfume. She buys 1, maybe 2 brands. Does that make the dozen or so other brands undesirable?? So goes it with many customers who are neither pro athletes, or corporate embezzelers.

chandler

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17 years ago

All I can say is that Oregon must be a lousy place for clubs if it shields dancers from customers who prefer one girl over another. And Phoenix sounds like it must be pretty good at least from the standpoint of dancer selection.

FONDL

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17 years ago

If a girl can't handle rejection she's in the wrong business. I don't care what product you're selling, you're always going to get no more often than yes, that's the nature of sales.

The only time I've ever felt bad about saying no, I was in a club in Providence and spent a lot of time with a really cute coed-type who I really liked at first, except that she had a bad cold and complained about it all evening, which got really tiresome. I went back the next night hoping to try someone new (this place had a lot of hot girls), unfortunately she immediately spotted me and came right over. I should have gone to a different club, it made me very uncomfortable.

casualguy

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17 years ago

I remember one dancer at the beach must have asked me anywhere from 6 to a dozen times for a dance over the two nights I was there. My answer to almost everyone "maybe later or not right now". The last time she asked, I was ready to get a dance from her. However I wanted to know more information about what I could expect. Before I had a chance to ask what her rules were, I said "ummmm", she must have thought I said nooooo or something. She avoided me afterwards. Maybe if I'm not sure I should just say "I have a question." instead of that ummm sound. Doing a little bit of brainstorming. Oh well, her loss for thinking she was going to be rejected again.

DandyDan

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17 years ago

Maybe the girl in the original post was just working in the wrong club. Some dancers just aren't suited for certain clubs. My current favorite works at my favorite club, but before that, she worked at what is my second favorite club and while she never had anything bad to say about the people there, she always had trouble making money there, since she had much better looking competition there, plus stuff just costs more there. Its probably easier to be a hottie in a sea of fuglies than a hottie in a sea of hotties.

harrydave

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17 years ago

I think many dancers have fragile egos. Many have backgrounds of abuse and neglect. They are keeping up a front under normal (clothed) circumstances, and then they have to take off their clothes. My ATF works in a Phoenix club, makes enough money in a few hours to cover her miscellaneous spending for a week, and experiences the wild swings in business that is inherent in every strip club. She has been doing this for a while. Nevertheless, some days she will go for a 30 or 45 minute dry spell, and at the end of that she will feel really dejected. I counsel her to take the long term view. But another common feature of strippers is their remarkably short term thinking.

And then there is the rest of us. I write proposals to clients and I really believe we can do a great job for them. They often say no, and select some firm I think is not our equal. I ALWAYS feel dejected when that happens. Then I go over 2 cubicles, whine a bit to my friend, and move on. Such is life.

ThisOldManPlayed1

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17 years ago

Personally, I can't think of one dancer that ISN'T dejected at times. Part of the SC game. Only human nature.

shadowcat

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17 years ago

Bones: You never met my first ATF. No man ever said NO to her. Pop and shekitout will both be at the convention next month. They both knew her before I did and they can verify this. ShotDisc had met her but had a real hard time beliving that guys were driving hundreds of miles just to see her. But they did.

casualguy

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17 years ago

shadowcat, I wouldn't be surprised if I was one of the few guys to say no to her if I ever met her. I am curious what she looked like. Did she work at PP? I've said no thanks to a couple of the hottest 10's I've seen in a long time. I just didn't want to pay an extra 10 to 20 dollars per dance above what I usually pay. I've had a few dances seem a little surprised when I said no to them. There have been nights when I just didn't want any dances from anyone or maybe only one or two dances from someone I knew if they were there.

casualguy

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17 years ago

meant to say dancers not dances above, no edit feature here.

David9999

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17 years ago

If a dancer has looks, conversation, and can handle rejection, they can make very good money. Of course many simply cannot do this. Speaking about lost earnings this was posted just last week on the pink site and the girl is easily a 7 or 8 based upon the photo provided ("Hustle" "I need to stop being such a wussie") "i am a decent looking girl with a ton of confidence, i'm educated, i'm outgoing, i am interesting to talk to..... and then i go to work. I can hardly look people in the eye and i DO NOT APPROACH men. i wait for them to walk up to me, which obviously means that I don't take the money home that i want to be taking home. I get tipped a lot on stage, and then instead of walking up to the guy, i go hide in the dressing room or sit at the bar hoping to get the courage to walk up to one of the tippers.... I hardly ever can. I have been dancing off and on for nearly five years but recently I have decided that if I can't figure out a way to do better at work, I need to just give it up. Is there anything you can suggest to this supershy dancer?"

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