Dumb ass things

FONDL, you have touched upon a pet peeve of mine, namely dumb-ass strip club management. I think it was Ben Franklin who said, "Show me a bad strip club, and I will show you either bad laws or bad management." Wait, I think it was Abe Lincoln who said that, while hanging out at one the clip joints in DC that pass for strip clubs.

There is a club in Phoenix that has a prime location in a crappy neighborhood with a plentiful supply of crack whores, and heavy traffic on the street outside. Despite these obvious advantages, it is poorly attended and poorly rated in TUSCL. Why? Well, maybe it is because of the following things: 1) the floors, walls, and ceiling, all of which have not been visited by a cleaning implement in 25 years; 2) the lack of a DJ or even a jukebox, and music supplied by the girls with their own CDs and a boombox; 3) a private dance area that consists of a few chairs on one side of the stage that look suspiciously like the arrangement on the other side of the stage; and 4) an oddly conceived dance price of $41, in which $20 goes to the dancer and $21 goes to the exceptionally cheap and greedy management.

Who wants to create an international strip club management consulting firm? We could call it Boozer, Fondler and Lapper, LLC. I want to be a field auditor. Who wants to be CEO?

FONDL, a big pet peeve of mine when girls do not go on stage.. I work alot of day shifts, they are slower so we have girls that think it is not worth thier time to spend what like 8 minutes on stage.. They will play their music when its thier turn in rotation and then just sit down at the bar.. Me on thee other hand, always go on stage when its my turn, sometimes I am the only girl who does, my reasoning behind this has always been " You never know who is going to walk in the door" Why would anyone want to spend money that they worked for on someone who isn't willing to do thier job themsevles...

Dumbest I've seen was Deja Vu Cincy (discontinued a few yrs back) putting in a freaking turnstile by entry desk. Gaining entrance required patron to put $5 bill in, wait for green light, then go in. That needlessly backed up line, time that could be better spent enjoying eye candy, stage tipping, and getting lapdances.

Second dumbest thing I can remember was at Lady Godiva's outside of Morgantown, WV. The dancer had to turn in your LD money in advance to the bartender. Which is dumb enough all by itself, but to make matters worse, the bar is downstairs and the LD area is upstairs in a 2-story house. So you give the money to the dancer downstairs and she in turn gives it to the barmaid. Then you go upstairs, she disrobes, then you get your dance. So far so good. But if you like the girl and want another dance, she has to get dressed and run the money downstairs before she can give you another one. In other words, management doesn't trust their girls. So why should the customer? And it's a shame because in spite of such stupidity this is a pretty good club. But it could easily be a great one. (Anyone else ever been there?)

I once went to a club I had never visited. On entry, the woman at the cover charge counter told me $5. I paid the $5 and started to walk to the bar. She said to me, "Hold on a second. I need some information." When I inquired as to what information, she asked my address and to see my ID. I ask for a reason and she said "Our policy." Well, I said it is not my policy to give such information and said I would just leave. She said fine, but wouldn't give back my $5. When I asked to talk to a manager, she said no one was available. I then said, fine, if I am going to give out the information you asked for, it will be to the police. I took out my cell and pretended I was calling the police. She immediately handed my $5 back and I left. I can't imagine why they would expect an ID to enter other than age verification, but an address? BTW, I was no where close to being under 21!

Chastity's Gold Club in Columbia SC has 2 show rooms. One is topless and has a full bar. The other is totally nude and no alcohol is permitted. Just their way of getting around the laws.

I once visited Pleasures in Columbia SC. They required me to register but did not ask for ID. I put down phony info and then got patted down by the door girl. It was more like getting felt up. I went in and got a drink. Nastiest looking dancers I have ever seen.Butt ugly doesn't begin to describe how awful. I finished my drink in 5 minutes and left. Worst club I have ever been in. On reflection, I think that the registration was a way the club used to protect themselves from LE investigations.

Dumbass management is par for the course at strip clubs, so naming the dumbest of the dumbasses is a tough choice. Just to pick one out of a hat...

My regular club used to have pretty basic stage lighting. Not bad but nothing fancy. The DJ believed it should be fancy. However, the club didn't want to pay anything for it. So the DJ took it upon himself to design, spec, purchase and install a fancy new lighting system - on the cheap - all by himself. This despite the fact that he didn't know the first thing about stage lighting. But how complicated could it be for a guy who knows how to operate a CD player and talk into a microphone, right? Rather complicated, as it turned out.

Apparently, his chief qualification was having a contact who got him a good price on a fancy control board. From the start, you couldn't help but notice the change, because lights were constantly changing color, flashing and swooping around the room for no apparent reason. It looked like an amateur light show with, oh by the way, a girl taking her clothes off. Even when the lights weren't moving or blinking, his placement choices were less than expert, like harsh overheads that brought out the flaws in dancers' skin. He had installed directional lights aimed out into the audience so that from certain seats you couldn't look towards the girl onstage without getting blinded. Needless to say, management was delighted with the showy upgrade and kept the dude on for five more years of blathering and knob twiddling before shitcanning him over some personal squabble.

Good topic.

I agree with evilcyn.... if I walked into her club and didn't see any dancer on stage, I'd have walked out!

Like FONDL mentioned.... I was recently in a Zanesville,OH club (Doc's Place or something like that). LD booths are in basement. Security/Bouncer escorts you and the dancer downstairs. You pay him, he gives a slip of paper to the dancer, and in the booth you go (without bouncer). hehehe If a second dance is wanted, give the money to the dancer, she leaves the booth & pays the bouncer and returns. All that wasted time!

In general the DUMBEST things some dancers to it spend the majority of the time in the dressing rooms! How ya' going to make money in there?

Ok, let me see if I can make a list of common and not-so-common dumb-ass things:

1. In a club in Akron, girls were only allowed to do 2 dances in a row (then they had to take at least a one song break). I was dumbfounded.
2. In a variety of clubs, the tee-shirt or baseball cap hustle, in which girls are forced to peddle these things to guys who would rather spend their money on dances, rather than memorabilia their wife might not appreciate.
3. The whole ticket/coupon and money shuffle thing, as described by others, wherein the girl is not allowed to handle the money ('cuz the girls cheat and the management is greedy)
4. The buy-the-girl-a-drink hustle, which in my opinion only serves to piss off the majority of customers
5. Incredibly loud music, presumably the result of the DJ going deaf; it supresses conversation, gives you a headache, and drives you back out on the street
6. three song dance sets; she stays clothed for song one, top off for song two, etc. In one club in Dallas, there are 7 stages, and each girl rotates through them all, so if you spot your honey on stage 1, you might as well take a nap.

Oh, enough of this griping. Clearly many places survive despite being badly run, which probably says something about dumb-ass customers rather than club management. Damn it!

dumb-ass things?.....well this morning when I was in Lowe's they were full of these huge, big fucking gas grills - christ, with the size of these things now days, why don't you just build a kitchen outside instead.

Oh, you meant strip-club related.....well the only thing I can think of at the moment is the odd rules at Industrial Strip in Hammond, IN. But it's the result of state and local laws, not club management. Pasties or band-aids and bottoms while on stage -- the bottoms do come off during private dances but most girls keep the band-aids on unless you get multiple sets (a set is 3 dances for $55). Most of the girls' dances are close-up-naked-pussy-in-your-face as one can ask for, but yet the nipples are covered - freaky. They also can't even have outdoor signage advertising it is a strip club - their sign only says: "This IS it" (of course, the IS = Industrial Strip).

Windsor, Canada

Just across the border from Detroit. Escorting is legal. Women are allowed to be topless anywhere anytime (it’s ok for men so equal rights makes it alright for women also). Drinking age is 19. Strip clubs are fully nude and all serve a full menu of alcoholic beverages (Canadian beer is much higher in alcohol than American beer). Close enough to Montreal to attract lots of super hot sexy French Canadian dancers.

You would think with all that going for it that Windsor would be the Mecca for strip club patrons. Instead they pass a no lap dance ordinance turning all private dances into air dances. - “dumb ass award nominee – how to f--- up a good thing”.

david120-That probably explains why I missed seeing the Industrial Strip the one time I was going to go there. On the other hand, they could just make a sign that says Industrial Strip without anything saying what goes on inside, like an artistic representation of a nude girl, for example.

Bones7599- Something similar happens at the Maverick's in Sioux City, Iowa, only the lapdance booth is just off the main floor, the bouncer is right outside the door, and if you want a second dance, the bouncer bursts in and you have to pay him. I just think it kills the momentum, although it would really be helpful there if they actually had anyone you'd want a dance from.

If you want to see most of the dumbest things all put together in one place, go to clubs in south central Wisconsin. Pre payment to bartenders, tickets for dances, interruptions between dances to get another ticket, bouncers sitting right in the VIP area, little privacy ... it's all there. I wonder if anyone who owns a club in that area has ever been to a good strip club anywhere.

There's an otherwise excellent club in Erie, PA, where you have to (or at least had to - I haven't been there in awhile) buy your private dances in advance from the dj, and he would pass your request along to the girls in the order in which they are received (supposedly.) So when you buy a dance you have no idea whether you're going to have to wait for 5 minutes of 2 hours for the girl to get to you. And the girls don't circulate - they generally sit at the rail with their friends or regulars - so there's no chance to ask them directly. If you ask them while they're dancing, they tell you to talk to the dj. Fortunately the dances are worth the wait.

Bones - ever been clubbing in Erie, that's not far from you?

FONDL - It's probably a shame for as many trips I make to Cleveland, Erie is just a HOP-SKIP-JUMP away from there. I'll read the recent Erie club reviews and am in the process of printing out the first page of each review. Any recommendations based on your experience?

The onlf Franks Chicken House in Manville NJ (now Delia's). If after the one prepaid lapdance you decide you wnat a second dance (or additional) the girl has to stop , take youe cash and go to the manager and get another ticket, so meanwhile there you sit in the common lap dance area w/o a girl for a couple of minutes. I supposed they had trouble with girls ripping them off on dance counts or something.

Spelling correction, the first sentance of my last post, the OLD Franks Chicken House...

I'd say in my local area, one of the most dumb ass things is trying to do a set time for two for one lap dance specials where you can get two dances for the price of one normal one. Dancers should be allowed to do this at any time in any club. It would increase business if business was slow. Also instead of set prices, let the dancers decide on how much to charge. If the price is too high, the customers won't pay. Another dumb ass thing, not having any dancing on any stage in a club because they are doing a two for one special. Of course if the only available dancers are ugly, better to have no dancers on stage. Hiring dancers that can clear a stage and the surrounding area, why?

I know of one club in my area that has strict policies about only doing lap dances on their announced two for ones. Most dancers are sitting around the rest of the time if it's not their turn on stage. They have strict set prices for their lap dances where the house gets a cut. Almost no one ever gets a dance other than that special time. Meanwhile if you don't get a dance, there's no stage dancing for at least 10 to 15 minutes. I still occasionally visit but only stay for one of their no stage dancing rounds. Putting money into a juke box to have music during your lap dance after paying for the dance, lame.

The top dumb ass thing, wondering why I don't get lap dances at that club. Oh wait, maybe they are just clueless. Maybe there's not any difference.

robofan- I was just getting ready to pack my bags & move north...and then I read your last paragraph. Bummer. Still worth considering, tho....the other items mentioned would be well worth the move!

Bones, the only place I've been to in Erie is Partner's Tavern, which is the one I referred to. I haven't been there in a long tijme but it was very high mileage with lots of friendly and attractive girls. It's also a very popular place and the girls spend most of their time with regulars, so for an outsider it can be dicey. BYOB, nude. Nude LDs in private booths. The place itself is kinda strange, it's more like a private party than a club, but definately worth a visit. It's in a little strip mall east of downtown on a main road in a surprissingly upscale neighborhood - you'll think you've gone too far out of town.

Dumbest thing I've seen in a strip club?

Way back in the day, in a strip club far far away I was sitting at the bar. Being my 3rd excursion into this my only club experience to date, I felt like I was getting "regular" status. I still felt the thrill of being somewhere I probably should not be starting to get comfortable in what was becoming familiar territiory. I'd had exactly one lap dance to that point and it was on my second visit. The girl was stunningly attractive, more like a model than a dancer. It was fun and exciting and very tame(by today's standards), but at the time it was a 10 because that's all I knew.

So, as I nurse my drink up comes Ms Model and sits down right next to me. She begins the conversation with "what took you so long to come back"? She then leans into me and whispers in my ear, "I didn't get to drain your cock down my throat before because you high tailed it outta here too fast last time"...and yes, like the movies I proceeded to spill my drink all over her sexy little outfit. I didn't have a clue about this stuff back then. So, one of the dumbest things I've seen in a strip club was the reflection in the bar mirror of my face at that moment.