Non strip club related
casualguy
I'm curious, which may get me in trouble on occasion. Anyway I was wondering the other day about one of those adult dating sites the other day and put in some basic info, I mean it only has my age, location, and just a simple message about meeting fun girls and almost nothing else. I was curious who was on the site. Anyway I got 3 emails already in just a few days. One was from a girl with a nice pic saying she had a bet with her friend to sleep with more guys from that site than her friend. She said she was losing and didn't like that. The pics are too small to see too much with the free basic service and you can't email unless you pay up for their web site services. Any of you guys ever tried something like that? I also haven't figured out why I'm getting emails with almost no info in my profile.
45 comments
I advise against it, tempting as it may sound.
Have these five letters on a post-it on your monitor: TGTBT
What I found out was none of the above. After trolling the ads (and carefully, PAINStakingly creating my own) at about three "free" services, I figured out that there wasn't going to be any contact with humans until I started ponying up the money. $10 here, $40 there, monthly recurring free extra satisfaction guaranteed personality test etc. etc., and STILL all I was meeting were shills and hookers.
I think maybe, juuuuust maybe, if you have money to burn and you're in a major metro area, you might be able to use these internet sites for no-holds-barred sexual activity with people who OTHERWISE would have no outlet. This means, for example, married women who need to meet nearly entirely anonymously in order to keep their secret from their husband, kids, friends; or, young college girls who don't want to consider themselves to be "really" prostitutes but do need someone to "help out" at electric-bill time; or really really geeky frighteningly FAT women who feel down about life and replace their doldrums with A FANTASY LIFE on the internet, using online services to enjoy the attention for a while. You can't find a "normal" relationship but you can, probably, find relationships / interactions that are essentially internet-necessary: interactions which otherwise simply would not happen at all between two humans, can be fostered by online dating services.
I think the super-premium services (E-Harmony and its legitimate competitors) have a good idea, and I believe those will grow in utility and popularity. (E-Harmony essentially rejects you automatically if you test for low interest in organized religion. I think it's a fundamentalist outfit; maybe it's just overtly Protestant Christian and not truly fundie, I dunno. I took their test umpteen times, and after all the pointing and clicking, it just came around to, "We're sorry, but we're unable to offer you our services at this time." At least they let me know before charging my credit card!)
Here's an idea for an internet-based business. Become a personals-service service. You take Mister Busy Dude X's name, vital stats, ALL of his interests in a woman, ALL of his selling points. Mr X. signs up for seventeen or twenty or fifty online dating sites. You provide the service of writing brilliant killer online profiles for him at all the sites. You then provide further service, of doing all the searching for him at all the sites, perhaps programming an interface that will read and chart the results from disparate databases and cross-reference them properly (Yahoo allows you to search for non-smokers, Hot-or-not calls it "athletic" while Date-a-Girl calls it "sporty," etc.). You tabulate his results and ask him which ones he wants you to contact briefly, you deliver those contacts, you set up meetings with the ones he picks. You can charge by the click, basically. And if you could REALLY program an automated tabulator which read the output of all the top most-popular online dating sites and coordinated it so that an end-user could search through his hits without having to use the site's (always kludgy, web-based, deliberately resistant to speed) result pages, you could simply sell the software itself. A sort of Google for personals sites: Whoogle? Scroogle?
I still recommend against it, but heck, if you are still intrigued, what would it hurt to sign up for a month. It'd be about the price of a lap dance or two (depending on the club), and maybe you COULD get lucky. As long as it's not a minimum investment (1 yr membership, or the like), you don't have much to lose.
If you are looking for a relationship, you've got to have a better chance with the internet dating service than trying to hookup up with dancers and the local SC. You could most likely trust girls from the dating service more than strippers, too.
You could even report back here and let us know how it went!
(just playing the devils advocate)
Maybe I should keep it simple and just start with a dancer whom I already have her name and phone number.
I would certainly start with the dancer first. You at least already have a rapport established with her. BUT (and it's a ginormous but), you will have to deal with the same thing with which I am currently dealing. When you attempt to take a customer/dancer relationship to the next level, with intentions of making it a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, it comes with a pricetag. (yes, sometimes literally)
You will be asking yourself the questions that have appeared in these discussion board threads countless times. "How can I be sure that it's not Stripper Shit?" "Is she pretending that this is more than a business deal to her, in order to get more business?" "Can I trust her?" Yes, the list of questions is endless. Questions that you'd never be asking yourself if you'd met this girl at the mall, for instance.
Many posters here will say that it can't be done. "A dancer is never going to date you" She will never consider you to be anything more than a customer. That's probably the case 99% of the time. You can always hope that this dancer will be in that 1% category. You wouldn't be thinking about doing so, if you thought she was in the 99% category.
I think the change from 1 to A is possible and quite regularly happens. I think, however, the change from 1 to B is highly unlikely, except among a certain few rare men who "got game" in a manner that most of us can't mimic.
So for me, the question of getting to point B is usually, NOT going through stage 1 ever. Much advice which I've read says, that if you want to DATE a dancer as a non-customer, then you should never let her know that you'll pay for her attention. Let the chumps spend money on lapper grinds, you be aloof. Or so the advice goes.
It was the stripper shit that got me a bit ticked off. I was tired of it.
CasualGuy: That's the rub in all of this. Absolutely, if you are in the process of going from 1 to B (using BookGuy's terminology), you have to keep the communication channels open and you have to clarify your concerns. But the exasperating aspect of it is, even if you clarify that yes, she likes you for you and not for your money, how can you take her at face value when she could easily be deceiving you. In my case, I've had that talk, and have received those words, and I trust her completely (well, for the most part), but still... deep down... in the back of my mind... there are those doubts...
Something tells me you aren't being facetious, FONDL. My answer is no, which pretty much sums up the issue for me. I know I'm the same person, whether I've got money or not. But I know in which situation a stripper is going to act like she wants to please me, and it ain't the one where I'm broke.
Sorry, I don't have anything to add to the topic of dating sites.
But I don't understand how any guy can be concerned that some girl, stripper or otherwise, is going to take him for a bundle. Seems to me a guy should know what the girl is worth to him and not spend any more than that. In which case he's getting his money's worth regardless of her motives. So what's the problem?
I could also posit that a man's financial situation does directly reflect on many aspects of his character. Ambition, intelligence, work ethic, thriftyness, all of these, while not entirely connected, are reflected in someones financial status.
Lastly, I could mention that a woman might want to feel valued by a man. A man that takes a woman to the Burger King for dinner might be suspected of not thinking much of a woman he is trying to woo, or of being a total dork.
But then we've had this discussion, many times...
If it makes you guys happy, that's just dandy for you. Forgive me if I don't buy it for a second.
Meanwhile in a another club, another very nice looking blonde came over to me and said it's been a long time since she danced for me. I think she missed me on my last visit so it must have been about 2 weeks ago. She told me she was planning on dancing at a nude club next weekend. I said pretty quickly "I'll be there." She smiled and said "you haven't seen my cootchy yet." I'm wondering if she just wanted to talk to me since she knows I occasionally visit other clubs or if there might be more to it.
Some of the time a dancer will get a tip from other females or another dancer before she gets your tip. I was actually hoping for that last night so I could watch the show but instead she practically hopped on me first. Guess you can't have it both ways. I got to watch the two of them earlier on another stage though. That time both were topless and one was leaning against me as she tipped the girl on stage. I was in a great spot that time. :)
Unfortunately for me (and a lot of other people, probably), earning money is a high priority in my life (I can't ever remember a time that I didn't want to "be rich" and I can't tell you ANY career I want to be in, other than one that "pays a lot"); but ABILITY is not something (evidently, by current results) have.
I think a lot of dancers are probably in the same boat. Hmm, maybe that's why I get along with them?
OTC, regular date. I'm not saying that you are buying affection, but in a similar manner, what does it say to a woman if a guy doesn't seem willing to try to impress her. Face it, dates are a sales pitch...OK, maybe second dates since both parties may realize they don't want what the other has after one date. Now of course there are a ton of caveats, we all know the stories of the poor pure hearted boy who is wooing the wealthy girl, blah, blah, blah. What it comes down to is that he must go to greater lengths to show he values her if he doesn't have money. Interestingly the corollary to almost all those stories is the cad with money who thinks he can buy the girl. We've all seen, I'd wager, the PL or the whale who thought that since it was a stripclub he could. I'll even stipulate that in some cases they're right, at least in the physical sense. I think we've also seen guys who feel the same on regular dates. What it comes down to is that, although in different ways being willing to show that you value a woman is part of who you are, and pays off in both situations.
Chandler, as I recall you aren't one to cultivate regulars. Both FONDL and I do. We may have different perspectives on that basis.
Money, itself, isn't a goal ever; purchasing things with it, including making the trade-off of less time at the goddamned mother fucking office, is what I want to do with it. I would have liked to have thought that at 40 hours a week "typical" office job, working hard and seldom screwing up, bringing ability and training and experience, being a member of the team, doing the work well, etc. etc., I'd be able to afford my own housing and meals. And saving for retirement? But it hasn't turned out that way. There's this generational shift out there, before which a great "generalist" degree meant a generally wide array of options, and after which it meant no options at all. I got caught in the switch-over, and STILL haven't managed to be able to afford to re-tool.
Frustrating. Makes me whine. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEaoaoaoooooooooooooooo. Whine. Sorry ...
And what you say about the dynamics in a club and us preferring regulars makes sense. I'd add, though, that a waitress in a restaurant is going to feel exactly the same way as does the stripper about someone who doesn't tip adequately. The money issue isn't limited to strip clubs. I just don't see the ITC/OTC distinction about money that others here do.