My First After

Aug 17, 2019, 9:37 PM

I give in to sin because you have to make this life livable

While cleaning out my text conversations, I read through a thread of messages with a young lady (civvie) who I hung out with for two years (2015-2017), she was much younger than me and my first after divorce interest.

We would hang out in coffee shops, go to movies, dinner, and shopping.

While we expressed our feelings for each other numerous times, I was unable to move the relationship to an intimate level and eventually we both moved on.

Ironically, I was able to have sex with women I had no feelings for.

After reading the text conversations I reflected on what could have been and I realized I was not ready at the time to be intimate with someone I cared about.

Have you been in a relationship without being intimate? If so, for how long and why?

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Nidan1116 years ago

Yes. I was in a similar relationship after my divorce. She was 20 years younger than I and she was engaged to be married in less than 4 months. My best friend took her aside and told her that we old guys will not chase her. If she wants me, then she will have to come after me. Well, that girl of my dreams is now my second wife. We have been together for 15 years. My first marriage lasted 17 years with the last 9 of those years being SHIT. The last 15 years with my current 20 year younger wife seems as if we just met. Love her more today than 15 years ago.

Cristobal6 years ago

@nidan111

Wow, what a cool story.

I was not ready for another relationship so soon after my divorce but now that I am ready I do not want one because I am having too much fun without a relationship.

Cristobal6 years ago

@heaving

Try it once, get a dance from someone without the conversation, it can be a liberating experience.

While lap dances can be intimate experiences, you do not need a connection with the dancer to have a good time.

TFP6 years ago

^^^^thats pretty much the story of all my dances. I don't really need to talk for a long time, if even at all. The important thing is that she is sexy, fun, and gives a great dance.

Being able to hold a conversation is just a bonus, but not exactly necessary for me. Most girls I find are very capable of shooting the shit and talking about whatever. But if those dances aren't slutty then I could care less about her conversation.

Cristobal6 years ago

@tfp

When clubbing I am looking for a great dance, so the conversation (and connection) is secondary.

Relating original post experience helped me to realize I was not ready for an intimate relationship, I didn't not want to get too close to anyone.

Funny how things work out because now that I could be close to someone I choose not to because this lifestyle is so much fun.

herbtcat6 years ago

Respect to @nidan111

But I suspect that most of us (especially the older guys) put ourselves in the friend zone, rather than being placed there by her.

When we hesitate to close the deal, she will close the door to thinking about us a potential sex partner. The longer you wait to express a desire to get her naked, the harder it will be for her to accept the idea, assuming she would be interested in the first place.

So, if you act platonic, you get platonic.

Cristobal6 years ago

@herbtcat

Before you could take your time and court her before the relationship became intimate.

Now it seems if you do not jump into the sack by the second date, she noves on.

At that time I was not ready (though two years is probably too long) to be intimate with someone I cared about.

No I could care less about intimacy and caring just want a willing and hot chick.