The Federal Code of Titty Regulations
reverendhornibastard
Depraved Deacon of Degeneracy
Laws and regulations are essential to the maintenance of safety, social stability and order. We need traffic laws, regulations governing the safety of airlines, the practice of medicine, the marketing & sales of drugs, the removal & disposal of dingleberries and environmental protection.
Why should titties be an exception? Titties are wildly popular and highly distracting. Damn near everyone on the planet has, at one time or another, enjoyed having a titty in his/her mouth. Titties can be a source of joy, nutrition and comfort but they can also be an important vector in the spread of infectious diseases.
Titties cry out for appropriate regulation!
Here is my initial stab at a code of federal titty regulations:
NUMBER: The optimal number of titties is hereby decreed to be two. Women with less than or more than two titties are prohibited from unlicensed public displays of numerically non-compliant titty sets and must carry with them a laminated, certified statement from a licensed physician setting out the medical history or circumstances that led to the breach of this regulation whenever they go out in public. A special exemption is granted for pets and livestock allowing the possession and display more than two titties provided that the regulations addressing symmetry (see below) are complied with.
SIZE: Titties should be reasonably sized and sensibly proportioned to the woman to which they are affixed. Children under the age of 14 are exempt from the requirements of this regulation as are women of any age from Cameroon, Gabon and Ghana. Droopy tits that hang to or below the navel may not be put on display. The public display of tits drooping below the navel shall be regarded as a hanging offense.
https://gallys.xlgirls.com/images/Simone…
SHAPE: Titties shall be smooth and reasonably rounded. Sharp edges, corners and points are impermissible. Any woman failing to adhere to the shape requirements shall be subject to fines up to $500 per occurrence and/or up to six months imprisonment. Titties shaped like bananas are only permitted for women who carry documentary proof that they have breast-fed at least half a dozen children. Failure to adhere to shape regulations may also result of the forfeiture of all titty display privileges.
SPECIAL REQUIREMENT FOR BOLT-ONS: These federal titty regulations shall be applied to all bolt-ons both domestic and imported. Bolt-ons should be shaped and sized so as to appear as natural as possible. Gravity-defying bolt-ons that make a woman look like she was shot in the back with a pair of RPGs (“rocket propelled grapefruits”) may not be displayed publicly without a warning label.
DISPLAY: Titties may be put on public display without a license provided that they are in full compliance with these regulations and that the party putting them on display is between the ages of 18 - 54. The display of underaged titties is irredeemably slutty. The display of titties beyond their expiry date looks pathetic and unacceptably desperate. Non-compliant titties may only be publicly displayed with a license, but no license shall be required for private, in-home displays of non-compliant titties provided they are not displayed at the dinner table.
SYMMETRY & ORIENTATION: Titties should be properly aligned on the ventral side of the body, with an equal number on the left and right sides. They should be properly matched for size, color, shape and orientation. Cross-eyed titties may not be publicly displayed. There are no exceptions.
http://www.sexytitflash.com/show_pic.php…
AREOLA REQUIREMENTS: Each titty shall have its own areola (maximum of one areola per titty). Areola colors shall be appropriately coordinated with the owner’s vulva color choice. The display of mismatched areola/vulva combinations (“two-tones”) shall require a special permit. Areola size should be tasteful and not excessively large. Women from Cameroon, Gabon and Ghana shall be exempted from the stated limitations on areola size.
https://m.xhamster.com/photos/gallery/bl…
TITTY HAIR: Titties shall be completely hair-free. Hair on titties has been found to be a choking hazard.
SANITATION: Titties should be kept clean, dry and odor- and insect-free. Titties made available for public use shall be wiped with disinfectant prior to every re-use.
BOUNCE: All titties should have at least a little bit of bounce and jiggle. Excessive bounciness and jiggliness should be avoided. Tittles that bounce like they are on bungee cords are strictly illegal and may not be displayed under any circumstance.
RESILIENCY: Titties are required to meet the federally mandated titty epithelial resiliency factors (“TERF”). All titties, regardless of size, must return to their original shape and size within 7 seconds of having been squeezed or bitten. Nothing is more distracting to a guy than having to wait more than 7 seconds to watch his woman’s titties slowly or imperfectly resume their original size and shape after being manhandled. Under no circumstances should titties hiss, wheeze or whine while rebounding to their original size and shape after a good squeeze. Nobody wants to listen to that shit!
Why should titties be an exception? Titties are wildly popular and highly distracting. Damn near everyone on the planet has, at one time or another, enjoyed having a titty in his/her mouth. Titties can be a source of joy, nutrition and comfort but they can also be an important vector in the spread of infectious diseases.
Titties cry out for appropriate regulation!
Here is my initial stab at a code of federal titty regulations:
NUMBER: The optimal number of titties is hereby decreed to be two. Women with less than or more than two titties are prohibited from unlicensed public displays of numerically non-compliant titty sets and must carry with them a laminated, certified statement from a licensed physician setting out the medical history or circumstances that led to the breach of this regulation whenever they go out in public. A special exemption is granted for pets and livestock allowing the possession and display more than two titties provided that the regulations addressing symmetry (see below) are complied with.
SIZE: Titties should be reasonably sized and sensibly proportioned to the woman to which they are affixed. Children under the age of 14 are exempt from the requirements of this regulation as are women of any age from Cameroon, Gabon and Ghana. Droopy tits that hang to or below the navel may not be put on display. The public display of tits drooping below the navel shall be regarded as a hanging offense.
https://gallys.xlgirls.com/images/Simone…
SHAPE: Titties shall be smooth and reasonably rounded. Sharp edges, corners and points are impermissible. Any woman failing to adhere to the shape requirements shall be subject to fines up to $500 per occurrence and/or up to six months imprisonment. Titties shaped like bananas are only permitted for women who carry documentary proof that they have breast-fed at least half a dozen children. Failure to adhere to shape regulations may also result of the forfeiture of all titty display privileges.
SPECIAL REQUIREMENT FOR BOLT-ONS: These federal titty regulations shall be applied to all bolt-ons both domestic and imported. Bolt-ons should be shaped and sized so as to appear as natural as possible. Gravity-defying bolt-ons that make a woman look like she was shot in the back with a pair of RPGs (“rocket propelled grapefruits”) may not be displayed publicly without a warning label.
DISPLAY: Titties may be put on public display without a license provided that they are in full compliance with these regulations and that the party putting them on display is between the ages of 18 - 54. The display of underaged titties is irredeemably slutty. The display of titties beyond their expiry date looks pathetic and unacceptably desperate. Non-compliant titties may only be publicly displayed with a license, but no license shall be required for private, in-home displays of non-compliant titties provided they are not displayed at the dinner table.
SYMMETRY & ORIENTATION: Titties should be properly aligned on the ventral side of the body, with an equal number on the left and right sides. They should be properly matched for size, color, shape and orientation. Cross-eyed titties may not be publicly displayed. There are no exceptions.
http://www.sexytitflash.com/show_pic.php…
AREOLA REQUIREMENTS: Each titty shall have its own areola (maximum of one areola per titty). Areola colors shall be appropriately coordinated with the owner’s vulva color choice. The display of mismatched areola/vulva combinations (“two-tones”) shall require a special permit. Areola size should be tasteful and not excessively large. Women from Cameroon, Gabon and Ghana shall be exempted from the stated limitations on areola size.
https://m.xhamster.com/photos/gallery/bl…
TITTY HAIR: Titties shall be completely hair-free. Hair on titties has been found to be a choking hazard.
SANITATION: Titties should be kept clean, dry and odor- and insect-free. Titties made available for public use shall be wiped with disinfectant prior to every re-use.
BOUNCE: All titties should have at least a little bit of bounce and jiggle. Excessive bounciness and jiggliness should be avoided. Tittles that bounce like they are on bungee cords are strictly illegal and may not be displayed under any circumstance.
RESILIENCY: Titties are required to meet the federally mandated titty epithelial resiliency factors (“TERF”). All titties, regardless of size, must return to their original shape and size within 7 seconds of having been squeezed or bitten. Nothing is more distracting to a guy than having to wait more than 7 seconds to watch his woman’s titties slowly or imperfectly resume their original size and shape after being manhandled. Under no circumstances should titties hiss, wheeze or whine while rebounding to their original size and shape after a good squeeze. Nobody wants to listen to that shit!
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9 comments
Titties shall be available to be inspected at anytime they are in the vicinity of an appreciative ogler, such as myself, upon request any coverings must be immediately removed and those beautiful works of art must be exposed, and if necessary tasted by me.