Grandma's got Jokes
crazyjoe
Colorado
My Grandma passed away last winter. She always had a joke. She always said she was still here because she had a few more people to get even with.
This morning I was looking at some of her old emails she sent me and I goind this....
Getting even
This is an idea for when they put us in "the Home!"
I was sick and in the hospital.
There was one nurse that just drove me crazy.
Every time she came in, she would talk to me like I was a little child.
She would say in a patronizing tone of voice,
'And how are we doing this morning',
Or 'Are we ready for a bath', or 'Are we hungry ?'
I had had enough of this particular nurse.
One day, at breakfast, I took the apple juice off the
tray and put it in my bed side stand.
Later, I was given a urine bottle to fill for testing.
So you know where the juice went !
Description:
The nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it.
'My, it seems we are a little cloudy today.'
At this, I snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and drank
it down, saying, 'Well, I'll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time.'
The nurse fainted.......... I just smiled.
DON'T MESS WITH 'OLD' PEOPLE
This morning I was looking at some of her old emails she sent me and I goind this....
Getting even
This is an idea for when they put us in "the Home!"
I was sick and in the hospital.
There was one nurse that just drove me crazy.
Every time she came in, she would talk to me like I was a little child.
She would say in a patronizing tone of voice,
'And how are we doing this morning',
Or 'Are we ready for a bath', or 'Are we hungry ?'
I had had enough of this particular nurse.
One day, at breakfast, I took the apple juice off the
tray and put it in my bed side stand.
Later, I was given a urine bottle to fill for testing.
So you know where the juice went !
Description:
The nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it.
'My, it seems we are a little cloudy today.'
At this, I snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and drank
it down, saying, 'Well, I'll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time.'
The nurse fainted.......... I just smiled.
DON'T MESS WITH 'OLD' PEOPLE
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10 comments
Your grandma seems like the spiteful old lady I aspire to be one day.
Grandma loved dirty jokes. She had a cartoon hanging on her wall that had a little boy and a girl. The girl has her hand down the boys pants. She is saying, no wonder boys run faster than girls. They have ball bearings and a stick shift
https://goo.gl/images/ik95L3
She called her a little Shit You. She had a plaque on her front door that said A Shit You lives here.
Her favorite word was Shit
Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the Best
patients to operate on.
The first surgeon, from New York, says, 'I like to see accountants
on my operating table because when you open them up, everything
inside is numbered.'
The second, from Chicago, responds, 'Yeah, but you should try
electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'
The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, 'No, I really think librarians
are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'
The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: 'You know, I like
construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have
a few parts left over.'
But the fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC shut them all up when
he observed: 'You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine..
Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable.'
I don't NEED an AR-15. I also don't NEED a winey littke bitch, yet here you are...