What is the least likely thing that you will ever hear a stripper say?

I have a drug problem. And I start rehab on Monday morning.

A: "Juicy, if you aren't gonna finish those chicken fingers, can I have them?"

You're so hot, I'll fuck you for free.

I’m not doing this for the money. I’m a people person.

“My boyfriend has a PhD.”

Go home son mommy’s working now.

I'm a virgin. I'm saving myself for marriage. (Hopefully followed by, "but I give great blowjobs.")

Things I've never heard strippers say:

OMG! Did I get here a few minutes early?

Keep your money till after the dance. If you aren't satisfied I won't charge you.

These shoes are sooooo comfortable.

"That's too much, honey. Here, take some of that money back..."

I love being fondled for money by old men so much that I love going to work sober

I really enjoy chatting with captain save a ho its better than making money

Youre so much better than my boyfriend

These tattoos just wash off.

A. "TUSCL guys are the best"

I've dreamed of being a stripper since I was a little girl.

My Mom was a stripper whore who used to date Isaiah Thomas.

Oh wait, scratch that.

No, I didn't go do some coke so I can tolerate being in the VIP room with you, Im just clumsy

I really have to go to the bathroom, Im not going to do more drugs, I really love spending time with you

A. "Of course I do this with every custy - what you thought your were special - please"

A. "Honestly - that *is* pretty-small"

I'm a bigger whore than she is.

A. "Yeah - the only reason I'm with you is because you're paying me - otherwise you don't have a chance in hell"

My doctor says it is an infection and not a rash.

A. "No - you're not really different - you're just as big a loser as the rest of the guys in here"

Yeah, I know these are shitty tattoos, at least they take the attention away from my stretch marks and c section scars.

I’m just gonna give those guys back their tips and only concentrate on you.

No, nobody is going notice that dark wet spot on the front of your pants.

A. "No - I don't find you rubbing your erection against me a turn-on - actually makes me wanna throw-up - but I need your $$$"

I've been waiting for you!

You walk in the club and she says "it's you again"

Of course Superman could beat Batman in a fair fight

It's so hot that you came in here and spent all this money tipping but never got a lapdance, which totally proves you're not a loser -- will you be my boyfriend?

^you walk in the club and a stripper says I wish you were SJG ;)

A. "I honestly prefer black customers and find them much better spenders"

Wow, I just LOVE small dicks like this, too bad you aren't available to date.

No my license has never been suspended.

I only get a ride with my friend cause she lives super close, I have a car and everything.

I'm not an independent woman I actually live with my grandparents cause my parents kicked me out

I'm irresponsible and I only have sex for money because it's easier than working a 9-5, sometimes I make less than I do at Burger King but atleast I didn't have to work for it.

A. "I think lap dances are too expensive"

Yeah- he only gave me all that money during the stage dances because that's how I get paid for having sex outside the club.

Yes, I am having sex with my 67 y/o Sugar daddy. I love going to his house, easiest money ever, guys my age are just not attractive to me.

I love the smell of ass and an uncut dick that hasnt been washed in a month

Yes - of course I would have sex for $300, I just always ask for $500 because guys try to haggle me down so if I say $200, they'll just negotiate down to $150.

A. "I plan on being a career stripper"

A. "If you make me cum you don't have to pay me"

What is the least likely thing that you will ever hear a stripper say?

I don't work here for the money. Ya money is good and all ... but really I look forward to seeing all these good looking and handsome hunks. Nobody's stuck up. All they wanna do is drink and have fun.