A few wife jokes

Great jokes! The labor joke is great!

How can you tell that your wife has died?

The sex is the same, but the dirty dishes are piling up in the sink....

These are great. Keep 'em coming !

ATACDawg - omg - that’s great! lol! It took me a minute - but that’s very funny!

And for the women:

How can you tell your husband is dead? The sex is the same but you get to use the remote.

The last time I posted the dishes in the sink joke some pussies claimed that I was being cruel.

I think I like the labor/anal sex joke the best!

Good ones!

Keep em coming you say?

My wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She's 24, and her name is Roxi.

The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.

I spent $5,000 on a boob job for the wife. She was delighted. I spent another $2,000 on a nose job for her. She was ecstatic. I spent $2,000 on liposuction for her and she couldn't thank me enough. But I spend 50 bucks on a blowjob for myself and she goes fucking nuts! Women, I can't figure them out.

Lmao

@JS69: it's just timing and delivery, man. By the time you're my age, you'll have it down! ;-D

What do women and floor tile have in common?

Lay them right the first time and you can walk on them the rest of your life.

Yeah, John, what a bunch of pussies!!** I was going to answer, "the sex is the same but at lease she's stopped complaining about it!"

**knowing that I probably might have been one of the guys to jump on your case.

ATACdawg, so true. They say comedy is tragedy plus timing or something like that. I think it was Solomon before he life turned to shit (kidding).

These jokes are funny.

Missing Wife Found by Alaska State Troopers

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim faced Alaska State Troopers.

“We’re sorry Mr. Wilkinson, but we have some information about your wife”, said one of the troopers.

“Tell me! Did you find her?”, Wilkinson exclaimed.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, “We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”

Fearing the worst, the ashen Mr. Wilkinson said, “Give me the bad News first.”

The trooper said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in Kachemak Bay.

"Oh my God!”, exclaimed Wilkinson. Swallowing hard, he asked, “What’s the good news?”

The trooper continued, “When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five-pound king crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.

Stunned, Mr. Wilkinson demanded, "If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news?”

The trooper replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow.”

Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fast shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of your wives with their mouths closed.

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, ‘I don’t like the looks of your wife at all..’ ‘Me neither doc,’ said the husband. ‘But she’s a great cook and really good with the kids.’

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. “You’ll get your chance in court.” said the Desk Sergeant. “No, no no!” said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”

A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"

My wife has a tattoo of a shell on her inner thigh. If you put your ear up to it... you can smell the ocean.