post your last text from a stripper

dancer #1: yes, you too

dancer #2: Im good an I know it's been awhile

Dancer #1: Call you in 10

"whos this" ( I kid you not---must have been one of a large number on the need rent list)

....blank......

“I like you. You do funny “

#1: Sorry babe, that's the reason I left

#2: Where do I park

#3: Hey babe, I got the flu yesterday and I'm congested. I will be at the club but not till about 2

#3: Gm happy holidays hope all is well

I'm cheating. Not the most recent, but the most entertaining and recent:

DANCER: Going to charge u more next time.

ISHMAEL: If you're going to charge more, then you need to do more. We'll talk about it.

DANCER: I'll do more.

DANCER: U can't put anything in my butt.

ISHMAEL: This negotiation is at an impasse.

DANCER: IDK what that means.

ISHMAEL: Butt?

DANCER: I hate u.

Ishmael wins! The anal impasse! It could be the name of a porno.

Here’s mine -

Stripper: u comin? Me: When? And Where? Stripper: tonite - tha post? Me: Yes. Unless I get busy at work. Stripper: u want dis... Me: I agree. If I can get out of work at a reasonable hour, I’ll see you later. If I’m not there by 8 - just assume I’m stuck at work.

I like to text full words and sentences - as it reminds me (and the stripper) - that I’m not part of the “hip” crowd - and to keep it business.

Me: ETA? Stripper #1: "We are on the way see you in 15" Stripper #2: "Can't wait"

#1: Gm Babi

#2: You too I’m sorry I couldn’t meet

#3: No, me either at all

#4: knowing me I'll end up hurting myself

• Sorry babe, I can't come over, my kid got sick
• I need to borrow $400 or they will kick me out of my apartment
• I need to borrow $500 to get my sister (I knew it was actually her boyfriend) out of jail
• Do you have any pot

All the same dancer, all the same night in that order

I love u....hope to see u soon

On a Tuesday night:

Her: “I’m working tonight and soooo bored, cum see me”

Me: “that’d be great but I’m 350 miles away right now.”

Her: -= no response =-

I'll be there shortly

#1 - Hiyyyaaaa you should hang out with me at work im borreddd :)

#2 - Goodnight love (99% sure she doesn't remember my name)

#3 - Happy belated Easter

I just got two unsolicited texts. Bills are due.

"I AM working keep me company"

and from another

"i'm boring, let's have a date tonight" I am sure she meant bored.

K - I know it’s a misspelling - but it makes for a poor sales technique!

Come see me - I’m boring! Lol!

Come see me tonight!

2 This morning so far ...

#1. When do you think you will be available this afternoon? Let's drink and watch daddy porn and Play in your hot tub.

#2. I'm going to Italy this summer. Can you use your miles to get me a ticket ?

Cashman

I sent a note declining her invite. If only I had waited, I could have had a witty reply for her but I thought waiting would be unfair. She now has time to find another date for this afternoon or tonight.

Her: Hey hun you in city?

Me: No not tonight. What's up with tomorrow?

Her:

I thought we agreed on $500. You only gave me $300 last night.

"Yay! Awesome."

Dancer "when are you available?" Me "Probably Thursday after work" Dancer "Damn I am busy"

Later...

Dancer "I want to see you so I will just be late" Me " I will try to get there as early as possible" ( her place) Dancer "Yay! "

" I need $1,200 to get an apartment."

R u coming over before I go to Subis tonight or will I c u there

" " (No response)

:-(

Last 3 or 4... Hello Hey you there? Helloooooooooo?

Her - "Come see me at the club; I wanna swallow your huge cock"

Me - "you sure you texted the right person?"

LOL

#1 haha no I don't #2 ooooh yummy

Dancer 2:00am: picture of her in the locker room. How much fun we will have tonight? (Club closes at 2:00am Dancer: 6:53am: I had a really fun time I home you get home safe.

Me: waking up in hotel: 10:00am: just getting on the rode thank for an amazing time I will hit you up next time I pass through.

My arraignment was Monday, trial is set for a later date.

Me: "workin today?" Dancer: "who r u"

Me: Are you working tonight? Dancer: Hi, I am. Dancer: I will see you later.

Boring, but my fave returns text messages quickly and doesn't ask for loans or hound you to come in.