Cute, petite, 30 YO divorcee, no kids, mobile home burned on Christmas day, mother and aunt were both strippers, mother and father are both drug addicts, 24 YO brother is a total loser, is living out of a hotel now, had surgery last week to remove a tumor from one of her ovaries, does not do drugs or drink, is very sweet and honest with me but she is a fucking slut. I have been considering to invite her to move in with me. To help. Brother Bones has emailed me reguarding this. Bad idea. He reinforced, what I allready knew. What would you do?
BookGuy, I never attempt to give advice unless I'm asked for it and believe that the person doing the asking is sincere and likely to at least seriously consider my opinion. I've found that a lot of these "lost souls" have never had any kind of role model in their lives. Some of them are looking for one. My ATF was and she found me - it's probably the most important reason why our relationship has lasted so long. She never makes an important decision without discussing it with me first, which is very flattering. And I never criticize her if she ignores my advice, which doesn't really happen too often.
DougS, you've hit the nail on the head, sometimes it's difficult to know whether you are helping or enabling. I generally won't help someone unless I think that they're making a real effort to help themselves. If they aren't, your help isn't going to do much good anyway.
IGU-I don't know how you do it man. I echo the comments from all of our other friends. You know the right answers here. There is a very thin line between being helpful and being stupid. Do not cross that line.
A basic high school course on safety and basic finances should be mandatory in my opinion. Films and videos on accidents could be shown showing what does happen to people who don't follow precautions. Then safety glasses, seat belts, ear plugs, etc. could be emphasized. Unplugging power tools before changing bits, etc. Then basic money management could be taught. I don't know what is taught nowadays though. just my two cents. I don't remember learning any of this information or very little of it in high school.
An electric drill in the eye sounds horrible. Too bad a safety course isn't taught in high school for everyone. It could save lives and injuries for anyone using power tools and working with powered equipment such as lawnmowers, etc. So many accidents are preventable. Of course over 40,000 people die every year in the US in auto accidents and most didn't even bother to put on a seat belt. So many people especially young people think nothing bad will ever happen to them.
Bones, if you want to slap the shit out of me, You are going to have to come down here. I am not coming up there to freeze my ass off and get the shit slapped out of me. It was 16 deg when I left the house at 5:15 this morning. I know that is nothing for you but I spent the 1st 45 years of my life in So Cal.
Things are under control...
Dancer #3, petiete 27 yo divorcee, aerobics instructer and single mom. Through a freak accident, her daugher somehow got an electric drill shoved into one of her eyes. Required 3 surgeries. Over about 3 months. No insurance. She knew that I had given dancer #2 $1,000. She asked me to be as generous as I could, in my tipping. And I did but then she told me some shit about favorite dancer #2. I told #2 and she was pissed and they had it out in the dressing room. Not only did I not think about asking #3 to move in with me but she has been dropped off of my favorites list. Beware of Anna. See buddy, I still have it together.
IGU: I think you are letting the little head do too much thinking. I tried this once about 20 years ago. Had a stripper (massage therapist, actually) that would come to my place 4 - 5 times a week. The sex was great, she'd come over wearing hot lingerie or nothing at all under a long coat. Used to call me at the office and we'd have phone sex.
But each encounter somehow involved a financial outflow on my part. She was borrowing $$ for this or that. Probably cost about $3,000 for an 8 week relationship. Worst part is I was in the process of a job transfer and almost took her with me. The hot sex still brings a smile to my face, though.
We can discuss with fellow TUSCL'ers at the Goldrush. Try not to make it a Fri or Sat, and I'll be there.
Sometimes, helping the "lost souls" isn't the best thing to do. Instead of being a "helper" you can easily become an "enabler".
I am a nice guy - sometimes too trusting... sometimes too nice... but, I have helped a few "lost souls" in my clubbing day. I have rarely been asked for the money, it's usually me offering the money, after learning of a situation. And yes, I could've been "played" for the money, but I'm fairly sure I haven't been, so far.
With different girls over the years, I've given money to visit family in ATL, I've given money to help move out of a bad situation, I've given money so that time can be spent with kids during the holidays (not needing to work), and yes, I've even given money to bail out of jail.
One way to give advice that is more likely to be well taken, is to provide structure to it. Don't just shout, "Don't do drugs!" The only people who need to hear that can't follow it. Instead, offer a slow and accessible ladder upwards out of the pit they've dug for themselves. First, there's learning. Then, there's alternative behaviors, ways to spend time. Then, there's financial self-sufficiency. Then ...
Thing is, this is a lifetime project. It's what good public-school teachers do in the ghetto. But it's got to be a calling, not just something you take on with one stripper once in a while if you like her boobies.
And to add one other thought - what lost souls like this often need the most is good advice. They are where they are in part because they've made bad decisions, and the only way they can improve their condition is to begin to make better ones. So the question becomes whether or not they are willing to take your advice.
When I've given my ATF advice she's usually taken it, in fact I've often been amazed at the extent to which she has done so. Otherwise I probably wouldn't have been nearly as willing (or able) to help her.
IGU, assuming that you really like these girls and enjoy their company, I'd consider some sort of middle ground: I'd offer continued friendship and possibly some limited financial help, but I wouldn't let either of them move in with me, that sounds like a recipe for trouble. You don't want to make a committment that you can't get out of fairly easily if and when you tire of their problems. How much help I'd be willing to give would depend to a large extent on how hard they are willing to work to help themselves. That's the main reason that I've been willing to help my ATF (who in some respects used to fit your description of dancer #1) - she's always been willing to work hard at helping herself. As a result she's a very different person today.
Greg, Other than the fact that I love these two girls, I am stable and not about to do anything stupid. We should include isotope in our Atlanta meet up...
This made me get an idea. I could add a stripper pole in my living room and then have a few strippers move in with me. Then I could have them dance for free or room and board except without any bouncers or restrictions.
Good idea to keep it in my imagination. I could imagine the strippers inviting a bunch of new friends over and I wouldn't have any freedom anymore.
lost soul #2, 29 yo petite loving mother of a 2 Yo with autrisum (sp) problems. Married 11 years and then found her husband cheating on her with money that she earned at the club. He kicked her out. The house was in his parents name. Currenty living with a guy out of desperation. She wants out of the relationship but does not have the financle means to do so. I so much wanted to help that I actually gave her $1000 and offered her my house whenever She needed it. She thanked me and I believed her. Known her for 4 years. But sharing joint custody of the 2 yo, she could not be that far from him. Another lost soul.
IGU - I will be in Las Vegas until Weds Feb 7th. Don't do anything crazy until I get back and we can have a counseling session probably at the Goldrush. Maybe Timbo and Darkwolf can make it too.
Thanks Greg. I needed that. But she is so cute, loving and helpless. When are we going to hook up again? I think that we need to invite StripShopper. He just gave the Crazy Horse a shitty review.
Oh, what would I do? :) I might get a dance from her if she looked good.
Then if I knew her situation I might offer some advice depending on what her education level was. Ask her what kind of work has she thought about doing after she stops dancing. Get some education and training to do the kind of job she would like to do. I think a lot of guys prefer wives who are willing to work even if only part time. Ask her to picture her future and how she would like it to be. Then she simply has to work on it. There's still hope.
She could move in first. Then after a couple years or however long it takes, you'll be married to her depending on certain state laws. Congrats on your new wife, IGU. divorce party later if you have some money left over. Just joking. :)
I assume you are smart enough to know this is a very bad idea and the question is more or less rhetorical, so I'll respond with another rhetorical question for anyone who would seriously consider such an arangement. Are you insane?
Other than the knowledge that she could be completely pulling your chain, having the possibility of this wonderful family of hers enter into your daily grind would be crazy. I don't want anyone who is a dredge of society entering into my daily life.
The odds are ten times greater that she will pull you down into her life as that you will lift her up into yours.
I agree--bad idea.
The idea of brief associations for mutual gain should not, however, be rejected out of hand. I'd recommend a hotel, however, rather than either party's residence.
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DougS, you've hit the nail on the head, sometimes it's difficult to know whether you are helping or enabling. I generally won't help someone unless I think that they're making a real effort to help themselves. If they aren't, your help isn't going to do much good anyway.
Things are under control...
Dancer #3, petiete 27 yo divorcee, aerobics instructer and single mom. Through a freak accident, her daugher somehow got an electric drill shoved into one of her eyes. Required 3 surgeries. Over about 3 months. No insurance. She knew that I had given dancer #2 $1,000. She asked me to be as generous as I could, in my tipping. And I did but then she told me some shit about favorite dancer #2. I told #2 and she was pissed and they had it out in the dressing room. Not only did I not think about asking #3 to move in with me but she has been dropped off of my favorites list. Beware of Anna. See buddy, I still have it together.
But each encounter somehow involved a financial outflow on my part. She was borrowing $$ for this or that. Probably cost about $3,000 for an 8 week relationship. Worst part is I was in the process of a job transfer and almost took her with me. The hot sex still brings a smile to my face, though.
We can discuss with fellow TUSCL'ers at the Goldrush. Try not to make it a Fri or Sat, and I'll be there.
I am a nice guy - sometimes too trusting... sometimes too nice... but, I have helped a few "lost souls" in my clubbing day. I have rarely been asked for the money, it's usually me offering the money, after learning of a situation. And yes, I could've been "played" for the money, but I'm fairly sure I haven't been, so far.
With different girls over the years, I've given money to visit family in ATL, I've given money to help move out of a bad situation, I've given money so that time can be spent with kids during the holidays (not needing to work), and yes, I've even given money to bail out of jail.
Thing is, this is a lifetime project. It's what good public-school teachers do in the ghetto. But it's got to be a calling, not just something you take on with one stripper once in a while if you like her boobies.
When I've given my ATF advice she's usually taken it, in fact I've often been amazed at the extent to which she has done so. Otherwise I probably wouldn't have been nearly as willing (or able) to help her.
Good idea to keep it in my imagination. I could imagine the strippers inviting a bunch of new friends over and I wouldn't have any freedom anymore.
Post pics. Then, fuck her for cash, not emotional commitment. :)
Then if I knew her situation I might offer some advice depending on what her education level was. Ask her what kind of work has she thought about doing after she stops dancing. Get some education and training to do the kind of job she would like to do. I think a lot of guys prefer wives who are willing to work even if only part time. Ask her to picture her future and how she would like it to be. Then she simply has to work on it. There's still hope.
Other than the knowledge that she could be completely pulling your chain, having the possibility of this wonderful family of hers enter into your daily grind would be crazy. I don't want anyone who is a dredge of society entering into my daily life.
I agree--bad idea.
The idea of brief associations for mutual gain should not, however, be rejected out of hand. I'd recommend a hotel, however, rather than either party's residence.