Ruining a dancers self esteem
poledancer83
Narnia
I already know this will probably get interesting but in my quest to educated the other side of the stage something i wanted to post but needed to find the right way to put it. Dancers come in all shapes and sizes. As a customer you have the right to refuse dances or time for any reason under the sun but one thing that needs to be addresses is how its done. Way back when i was a young dancer with a few months experiance i felt like the top of the world and felt sexy and wanted. I knew i wasnt perfect but i sure enough felt close to it. I still remember to this day some of my worst insults when trying to get someone to buy a dance. Now before i go further all dancers (self included) are pushy as hell by nature. But i have been told flat out no hun im looking for a skinny girl. or no hun i want a girl with tits etc etc.... These will destroy a dancers self esteem almost immediatly. Most girls not all but most are not used to insults of these natures prior to stripping. I had a customer that was drunk and had money which is dangerous for him and me. He literally insulted every ounce of my body. He got his buddies to join in as well. so here i am dancing for this group and making them think im falling in love as they insult me from top to bottom. I swallowed my pride and stayed with them almost all night because the money was flowing. After i left i literally cried my entire way home. So the point is if a dancer asks you to buy a dance just say no. Dont ruin a girls self esteem because your drunk, or because your trying to be funny, or even because shes being to pushy. Theres a way to do it that wont fuck up a girl as bad as insults will. And after so many years of hearing this one bit of wisdom. No one... I repeat no one can tell how many guys a girls fucked by the "shape" of her pussy. Its like a rubber band its comes back to shape. Just a bit of PD83 knowledge since ive heard that so much lol. Till next time my dear pervs...
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40 comments
As far as pussies - and their look - they are a gift that keeps on giving. The more a pussy is used - the better they tend to feel. I’ve not seen a pussy that I wouldn’t enjoy.
Also, a quick observation, somehow it's an insult to tell a dancer that she's too heavy, but it's almost like a compliment to tell them that they're too skinny. I use the "Sorry, but you're a little too skinny for me" line often, and I usually get a smile. Once in a while they even thank me for the compliment. I do prefer thicker women.
...if a stripper wants to know why I won't get dances with her, I am going to first ask her if she is sure. And then I am going to be brutally honest about it, and if it has something to do with her looks, I am going to say exactly what it is that I have issue with and tell her it is MY issue, not hers.
But also to your point I'm not going to nitpick her flaws to death and will keep it simple and as tactful as possible. For example if she has fake breasts I will just say I personally like all natural girls and leave it at that. Of if she is too skinny I will just say I prefer more full figured dancers.
If I'm not attracted to a stripper, I'm going to basically leave her alone anyway and if approached I won't show much interest anyway and tell her I'm waiting on someone else. This usually avoids all possibility of divulging her issues, but if she pushes the issue she is eventually going to hear the brutal truth. Fortunately this is rare.
And on the flip side I think strippers need to understand that they are beautiful in their own way and they are not going to be the type for everyone, so they don't need to be so sensitive about feedback from a PL. All women are beautiful to me, but not all women are not my type.
Same for those jackasses that claim to not be politically correct all that is is an excuse for being rude and a boor.
To Poley's example, it is inexplicable why they would keep you dancing while insulting you all the while. Most of us can't connect with that mindset. Money or no, maybe you should have just walked away, and warned the other girls about them
It’s hard for me to tell dancers I’m not interested in to leave me alone. I know they’re trying to make money so they’ll be pushy, but at the same time I wanna spend money on the girls I really like, especially considering how expensive dances are. Wait a minute, why am I even buying dances? THATS A CHUMPS GAME!!!
If you live long enough, you understand that everyone is different and all things have their good qualities about them. My biggest issue is hygiene and when a woman seemingly lets herself go. Things she can control. I know i don't hit the gym; i hate working out and i'm cheap about memberships and wasted expenses, and don't want to spend any time doing what i don't want to do so i'll never be fit and buff looking. Women are special in that they seemingly don't have to work out to look great. Making fun of things that women (or anyone) have no control of is bush league. Baby "damage" is unfortunate, but expected. And to see the difference from before can sometimes be jarring for someone who goes to the club for their fantasy woman. But i bet it's even more jarring to the woman who has to see it and live with it everyday. The way i see it is that she is still the same woman, so all her good qualities otherwise are still there. This all might seem hypocritical when i seemingly seek out the most physically attractive women (9+) and all my favorites are and have been very attractive to me (mostly 9+, but a couple 8s or 8.5s in there, IMO).
But i do agree it is hard for strippers (and women in general). So much of their self-worth, rightly or wrongly is tied down to their physical appearance. I try to do as much as reasonably possibly so that a dancer i'm not attracted to doesn't sit with me. I won't make eye contact or smile at her or let her sit on my lap. If she does sit by me, i won't engage her much in conversation besides the most basic pleasantries. If i see my favorite or a regular dancer that i like, i'll just tell her that it was nice meeting her, shake her hand or touch her arm/shoulder and leave the table and walk toward my preferred dancer.
I have been guilty of giving "charity" dances to less attractive girls that were still friendly and had pleasant personalities. But as i spent almost (okay not almost) stupid, scary amounts of money on my favorites, i find i couldn't afford to waste even a dance or decent tip or drink on them. Yes it might only seem like only $10-30 out of many hundreds that i'm willing to spend, but how many dancers are there like this? There could be a sizeable number of them. It just adds up, and then i have to continue to deal with them on subsequent visits unless i cut them off and they get the message.
This also extends to the stage. I've seen customers yell out next, as soon as a less attractive dancer walks on stage, or they'll just flee the stage en mass like someone just farted. Or they stay, but not tip a single dollar, even if the girl gives them attention. Or when she does, he'll instantly move 90 degrees toward another customer. To me these are just dick moves. Yes, some of these girls probably shouldn't be in this business, but still there is a type for everyone, so you can't completely brush them off. If i'm still parked at the stage, and the girl gives me attention, i will tip her or leave.
This is not an easy industry to work in and never will be. But there is never a good reason to be mean. Kindness is a virtue and one of very best at that and is almost always appreciated on both ends.
https://www.tuscl.net/?page=post&id=1488…
It makes it a lot easier to know that the main reason guys would do that is because he knows it wouldn't be socially acceptable to just start being rude to a woman he saw outside the bar in any other social setting. Just like with retail or customer service - you'll get those frustrating customers that will try to ruin your day only because they think you're still being paid to force a smile at them and have to face their complaints no matter how minuscule or absolutely ridiculous they are. It seems when you're the one providing the service and not the one asking for it, people treat you entirely different.
But know for every one rare customer or group of guys that tries to see if they can put you down or get a negative reaction out of you, there are a hundred others that are much more respectable and just want a genuine good time with the girl of their choice.
You don't criticize their fake tits, or lack there of. If they ask you if they are too fat, you say 'no'.
If they ask you how old they are, you try to avoid it, and say the light is too low. If you have to speak, you go way way under.
Once at the age of 22yo a woman asked me how old I thought she was, as we were sitting at a friends breakfast table. I figured she was 35yo. So I said 30yo. She started screaming. Turns out she was 29yo. I learned my lesson.
If a girl asks why you won't do dances with her you NEVER say anything which has anything to do with her looks, no matter how hard she presses.
And besides, buying dances is a chumps game. Better if you select the girl and engage with her yourself. Pick the girl you would like to be waking up with the next morning. Evade dances, but demonstrate respect for her need to make money by being generous in the front room. Treat her in a completely civilian manner and get a front room makeout session going. When it is time for your own pants to come down, then you invite her to the back room. Then take her home with you to continue, and keep on seeing her regularly.
SJG
I would suggest immediately hanging out with your regs and guys treating you well to get that positive feedback.
That's part of it, but I think it's more likely that these insulting losers are just insecure assholes who feel better about themselves by denigrating others, and strippers are pretty low on the social esteem totem pole, making them safe targets.
There are more than a couple examples of this right here on TUSCL. People who denigrate strippers, yet still, for some reason, go see them for entertainment and sex. It's almost as if they're trying to conceal how they feel about themselves by pointing out flaws in others.
I have only seen a very few girls dancing in clubs that repulsed me. Very few I thought should not ever be seen naked by anyone. I have experienced many more aggressive, pushy dancers that basically just piss you off by their behavior and attitude.
My go to response to a request for a dance by a girl I don't care for is something like "thanks for asking but no". Sometimes I add that I'm waiting on someone else, just arrived, taking a break, or any other thing. Sometimes I even add a comment such as you are lovely. It all just depends on the situation or the girl.
No reason to be rude or demeaning to a nearly naked girl. It's tough enough to work as a dancer putting up with all the crap from customers, management, other dancers. Of course, they have the ability to piss me off on occasion too. Usually with a poor attitude or being pushy.
SJG
Yardbirds, a more white space type of performance
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4QcTgPyI…
I firmly believe that when you are a customer at a "Gentlemen's Club", you should act like a gentlemen. Dancers typically don't criticize their customers about how they look. The least we as customers can do is not criticize dancers about how they look.
When I don't find a dancer attractive, I just say no thanks. I've never had one ask me why.
In my book, if you have to make someone else feel bad to make yourself feel better, the problem is with you not them.
sometimes i feel that i am walking on eggshells in saying 'no' to a dancer. i try to be nice...
I explained that I was waiting for someone else who was taking a smoke. So she persisted "so you don't like anybody here other than her?" I really had to resist the temptation to tell her to buzz off and let me decide how to spend my money.
pole is correct. The only time I might get a bit testy is with those that don't back off after the aforementioned “No thank you”.
From extensive personal experience, I'm going to disagree that all dancers are pushy as hell. I myself go to clubs to get away from stress. So the last thing I want is a dancer who's adding to my stress. If a dancer sits on my lap without invitation, and I have to say "no" to her more than once it's going to piss me off. If I say no and a girl walks away, I might give her a chance on some other night, but if she makes me say no "twice" then she's not ever going to get a dance from me. Never. And I'm a nice guy. Usually though it's not twice. Usually I have to say "no" at least 4 or 8 or more times in a row. And as soon as I get rid of that dancer, another one shows up. And another. And another. And here's the thing. If I haven't tipped you on stage, if I haven't made extended eye contact with you, if I haven't motioned you over, or asked someone to fetch you, then you by definition are interrupting me. And again, I'm a nice guy. So given this situation, I can easily imagine where a lot of guys who aren't quite so nice get pissed off as hell and are willing to say anything to get rid of a dancer who won't stop bothering them.
Another point I want to address is that when a customer is clearly drunk, you have no business trying to sell him dances. Usually when a dancer has a payment dispute with a customer, I tend to favor the dancer. However, the other night I saw a dancer complaining that a customer owed her $60, and when I looked at him, he seemed so drunk I couldn't believe he was even able to stand. A guy that drunk isn't able to give consent to a dance. I'm pretty sure I could have sold him land on Mars if I had tried. Second, a guy that drunk isn't going to have any self control. He might say or do anything, so why would you want to dance for someone like that? It's because of things like this I keep ripping the management of that club. That customer should have been ejected from the club, and that dancer should have been bitched out for taking advantage of him. Why weren't the waitresses or the bouncers or any of the managers doing their job?
As for that group, you should have left. There are guys who get off on abusing women through financial control. It's like the opposite of female financial domination. As I think you learned on your drive home, the money isn't worth it. If you want to have longevity as a dancer you have to learn how to minimize the psychic damage that's being done to you and more importantly the damage that you are doing to yourself.
So how do you approach a guy? First of all by observing him. What types of girls is he tipping on stage? What types of girls are turning his head? What types of girls is he speaking to? If you think you might be his type, try walking past him or just sitting in his line of sight to see if he shows interest. And if you decide to approach him anyway, without first having gotten some sign of interest, then make it as painless for everyone as possible. Walk up to him, ask if he would like some company, and if he says "no" then smile and walk away. That is how you approach a man in a strip club. There is nothing more unattractive than a woman trying to act like a man, and there is nothing more counter productive than trying to badger a man into accepting a lap dance. It's like a parent trying to badger a child into eating spinach. The harder the parent tries, the more convinced the child becomes that he doesn't want to have anything to do with it.
Because of things like this, I'm now getting to the point where I simply don't accept dances from girls I don't know. As I said before, I have zero interest in paying dancers to bring additional stress into my life. So my standard operating procedure is to talk to a girl first to find out what she's like, and if she interests me I might agree to one or two dances. Then the next time I see her the process continues. It's basically like an ongoing interview for the position of "club favorite." I don't really have an interest in getting random dances from several unknown girls when I go to a club. Instead I prefer to develop a small number of favorites, and each time I go to the club I will get dances from those same girls over and over again, assuming that they don't start doing stupid things like creating all sorts of drama and stress in my life. I know several dancers that I've now been getting dances from for about a year.
Showing respect and kindness is a two way street and a lot of dancers need to learn this as much as customers.
LOL I love how a ROB's fake (as fuck) smile fades when she hears me say "no thanks, not right now" after she was as friendly (as fuck) two seconds ago before she asked if I wanted to dance.
I put up with zero drama and zero hustle in the club. I didn't come there to spend money on that shit. There are plenty of friendly and respectful strippers that I tip well and get dances with than to waste my time and money with ROBs. I also stick with dancers I know because we know not to play games with each other.
I agree with anonlvone in that all they should ask is "would you like some company?"
Instead some of them start out by sitting on you, touching you, bullshit compliments, talk like you are already in the middle of a conversation with them. Annoying.
When you're in show biz like we both are, you need a thick skin. It goes with the territory so your attitude in dealing with assholes is just as important as your dancing, or my tunes, or your personality or my stage presence. Just do the best you can and be confident it's all worthwhile.