The first time I stepped in a strip club many years ago, I had no clue what the heck I was getting into. I never had that dirty uncle or older brother to take me out to my first strip club. I just happened to bored one night and wanted to see what all the rave was about with topless chicks poledancing. On that humid May evening, I paid the cover charge and sat at a high top table in the back without the slightest clue what a lap dance was or how to tip a dancer at the stage. Eventually one of the workers, possibly a manager or assistant manager came over and started chatting with me as it was still early, and the strip club was not yet in full swing. I explained that it was my first time at a titty bar. He went on to informed me how to tip the dancers, how the stage show worked, what a table dance was, and what a couch dance was. Throughout the evening, the cowboy hat-donning, Western shirt-wearing staff member stopped back at my table several times to see how I was doing and to answer additional questions that I had come to my mind about this strange form of adult entertainment. The staff member was a good ambassador for his club and industry. Strangely, I’d come to learn the cowboy was an exception, as most club employees I’ve met since have been assholes.
Fast forward many years and countless strip club visits later: I have learned and perfected the strip club game. Since I cannot go back in time to thank the cowboy for helping me learn the ropes when I was just starting out, I always thought I’d use my knowledge to help out others should the situation ever arise.
That opportunity came earlier this year for me. I was at Stiletto’s in Brownsville, knocking back a few cold Sincweisers and enjoying the Valley girls, early one weekday evening. The club had yet to pop off, so there were only a dozen or so patrons inside. I tipped the dancer on stage and returned to my table. Out of the corner of my eye, there was a Hispanic guy dressed like Marty McFly and presumably his pregnant girlfriend sitting a few tables a way--a very odd looking couple who looked out of place at Stiletto’s. They were pointing at me and eventually walked over to my table. They asked if I spoke Spanish or English. I told them I can talk to them in either. The girl was fairly bilingual, but the guy seemed to speak very little English. They told me that it was their first time at a strip club, and they wanted to know how to tip the dancers like I had just done on stage. I explained that they just go up to the edge of the stage and wait for the dancer to come over to give them a close up view, then slide a couple dollars in the dancer’s g-string. I demonstrated, groping the dancer in the process. The guy eventually walked up to the stage with a Vince McMahon swagger. Throughout the next thirty minutes, the couple tipped the stage, always with a single dollar, and they seemed to really enjoy it. Eventually, they came back over to my table and asked me how the lap dances worked. I explained that they were twenty dollars and you get to touch dancers everywhere unclothed for one song. The guy purchased a single lap dance, and it looked like it was a life-changing experience for him. Finally, the couple came over to my table and asked if the dancers give blow jobs. The girlfriend wanted to treat her boyfriend and have him go home drained. I told her that the club was “limpio”, and I had even been getting yelled at by management for touching the dancers on stage. They said they read on StripClubList that dancers at the club were giving blow jobs for $35. I was almost certain this kind of activity was “prohibido” in this club, even in the VIP room. To rule out any uncertainty, I went over and talked to a dancer who had always been frank and honest with me during my residency. She told me the VIP room provided the same level of action as the lap dances, but with a little more privacy. I them popped up the club’s page on SCL to see what was written. I told the newbies what they read on SCL was just a dancer trying to insult another dancer by calling her a cheap prostitute. They were disappointed that no oral sex was available, but I think they had a good first time otherwise.
Have you ever played the role of teacher for someone at a strip club?
