Who Cheats And Who Doesn't, And Why?
san_jose_guy
money was invented for handing to women, but buying dances is a chump's game
I want to continue an issue which JS69 raised, about people cheating on their SO's. Do most people eventually do it?
JS69's cheating thread
https://www.tuscl.net/postread.php?PID=4…
I don't know about most people, but many many do in one way or another. But not everyone does it.
I cannot help but notice that there are large numbers of people who do not cheat, and that they seem to share some common characteristics.
1. Married young and often with zero prior sexual experience, especially on the part of the women.
2. Same age couples, age very close.
3. Highly involved in traditional religion.
4. Accept de-sexualization without protest.
Of course it is this last item which will be the most controversial. Does strict monogamy mean accepting desexualization?
It seems to. For one thing, I am convinced that male sexual desire does mean jumping new women. It is not just age. It is simply that male sexual desire does mean going after opportunity sex, like women who have strayed from some other tribe. And sometimes the women are highly receptive to this.
It doesn't mean collecting women and adding them to your harem, or having them guarded by eunuchs. But it does mean being drawn to women who might be receptive to quick sex.
It doesn't mean that she has to be dumped instantly afterwards. It could be a quick love affair, with more sex, which ensues. But then practical constraints will mean that she eventually has to be relinquished.
And then with a wife, women are on their best behavior when they are not married. Before we were married, my wife was much better. But once married and cohabitating she changed completely. So most of what appealed about times with her quickly evaporated.
So not everyone literally cheats. Some people just terminate the relationship. Some people just terminate marriages.
But I don't think many, except some very unhappy people, go for long term strict monogamy unless they are also accepting traditional religion and its views as their support for this.
Any comments or other ideas about this?
JS69's marriage thread
https://www.tuscl.net/postread.php?PID=3…
Marriage used as a weapon
https://www.tuscl.net/postread.php?PID=4…
SJG
https://sites.google.com/site/sjgportal/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birger_A._…
Sethian Gnosticism - Dr. Birger Pearson
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_8BK-dQ…
The Sethians--The Original Gnostics: Aeon Byte Gnostic Radio
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SEod5cf…
Sex, Drugs and Gnosis Roll in the Bible: Aeon Byte Gnostic Radio
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewtipZlq…
JS69's cheating thread
https://www.tuscl.net/postread.php?PID=4…
I don't know about most people, but many many do in one way or another. But not everyone does it.
I cannot help but notice that there are large numbers of people who do not cheat, and that they seem to share some common characteristics.
1. Married young and often with zero prior sexual experience, especially on the part of the women.
2. Same age couples, age very close.
3. Highly involved in traditional religion.
4. Accept de-sexualization without protest.
Of course it is this last item which will be the most controversial. Does strict monogamy mean accepting desexualization?
It seems to. For one thing, I am convinced that male sexual desire does mean jumping new women. It is not just age. It is simply that male sexual desire does mean going after opportunity sex, like women who have strayed from some other tribe. And sometimes the women are highly receptive to this.
It doesn't mean collecting women and adding them to your harem, or having them guarded by eunuchs. But it does mean being drawn to women who might be receptive to quick sex.
It doesn't mean that she has to be dumped instantly afterwards. It could be a quick love affair, with more sex, which ensues. But then practical constraints will mean that she eventually has to be relinquished.
And then with a wife, women are on their best behavior when they are not married. Before we were married, my wife was much better. But once married and cohabitating she changed completely. So most of what appealed about times with her quickly evaporated.
So not everyone literally cheats. Some people just terminate the relationship. Some people just terminate marriages.
But I don't think many, except some very unhappy people, go for long term strict monogamy unless they are also accepting traditional religion and its views as their support for this.
Any comments or other ideas about this?
JS69's marriage thread
https://www.tuscl.net/postread.php?PID=3…
Marriage used as a weapon
https://www.tuscl.net/postread.php?PID=4…
SJG
https://sites.google.com/site/sjgportal/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birger_A._…
Sethian Gnosticism - Dr. Birger Pearson
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_8BK-dQ…
The Sethians--The Original Gnostics: Aeon Byte Gnostic Radio
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SEod5cf…
Sex, Drugs and Gnosis Roll in the Bible: Aeon Byte Gnostic Radio
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ewtipZlq…
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17 comments
In other words, people can sure try to pinpoint who will or will not cheat, but it is always more complex than that.
I was probably unclear in my OP.
SJG
Tobias Churton
http://www.tobiaschurton.com/index.html
But aren't there also some people who just would never do it? I see them as being long involved in conservative religion, and also as being people so have accepted a large degree of desexualization. It is this latter which I would think to be the most controversial.
And then as far as loving their SO, aren't they doing something which goes against their word and which their SO would never approve of, and which is not really ever completely hidden?
SJG
Aeon Byte Gnostic Radio
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC67NBVr…
SJG makes some great general points none of which I disagree with.
Random member makes a great point too, and to further his point, women are attracted to men with power and money mostly regardless of their looks which makes it all the easier for them.
Take 20 guys in the same attractiveness category and age category. Now, 10 work low totem pole jobs at Walmart and 10 are executives. Which group do you think has had more affairs?
Lastly not mentioned is access. A guy working a desk job around a bunch of other guys who is rarely away from his wife outside of work because she is a stay-at-home wife, is much less likely to have an affair than the guy whose constantly traveling for work and whose wife works and has a career of her own.
Men with opportunity and women who are fed up.
That simple
I also disagree that highly religious people tend not to cheat. I think it's exactly the opposite. Religion teaches people to deny, or at least downplay, their sexual urges. Religious people, particularly women, tend to view sex as dirty and so religious married life very often devolves into occasional sex in the dark in the missionary position. Eventually one partner, often the man, gets fed up and has some fun on the side. As evidence of this point, there is a long line of religious leaders, as well as conservative Christian politicians, who get caught fucking someone other than their spouse. And for everyone who gets caught, there are several more doing the same thing who haven't been found out yet.
I have avoided relationships ever since then. It's not a good feeling to get cheated on for no reason. I know a couple of men that cheated on their wives and suffered an early involuntary death because of it.
I had this discussion with the wife early on as she wanted the discussion. I told her I didn't see the point. It just seemed like the "side action" was just "a woman with a different color wig" to me. (1) I'm fortunate to have a sexually active wife who is sexually satisfying to me. (2) I don't really know what the thrill is like since I haven't tasted it so I guess I don’t know what I'm missing. (3) I grew up as a kid with lots of infidelity around me, so like growing up with an alcoholic parent, I think I might just not have the taste for it. Though #3 is pretty weak motivation for me. Lots of young adults start out "idealistic" then convert to "realistic" over time.
Couldn't I just put a different color wig on my wife and pretend? How if that different that an actual affair? Is it just a sexual release? Or is there some thrill aspect to it?
But JS69 writes, "It was only after many many years of sexual deprivation that I first stepped foot into a strip club."
I am inclined to agree with this. I don't think it is merely the opportunity, at least for most guys. I think there has also got to be a high degree of frustration, if not desperation, involved.
If the guy will cheat without this, then maybe he never believed in monogamy in the first place? Or maybe his word means nothing? Or maybe there is some other reason that he does not feel bound to at least try and live what he has publicly promised to?
Now, JS69 also wrote, "Religious people, particularly women, tend to view sex as dirty and so religious married life very often devolves into occasional sex in the dark in the missionary position."
Now I know that this is all going to be very controversial, but I completely agree with it. Religion always puts forth the idea that sex has to serve a purpose. Either it is for procreation, or it is to promote marital closeness. But both of these miss the point that sex is in and of itself a kind of liturgy. Our Abrahamic faiths were invented to exterminate those who understood this. And so the sex which results is always saturated with baggage. Like I used to explain to my wife, its the substituting of neuroticism for eroticism.
Now, to answer JS69, I'm not saying that religious people don't cheat. Actually some of the people who have the wildest sex, voyeurism and orgies, are Swingers. Most of them are Conservative Republicans and many attend mainstream churches. Though not cheating, this is not monogamy.
No, my meaning is that for a man who is married and who finds the level of desexualiztion to be unbearable, it is unlikely that he will continue to accept the situation, unless he is involved with conservative religion. I say this just looking at people I know, people now elderly, who have been married and faithful for a long time. They have accepted a high degree of desexualization, and they have long term heavy involvement with conservative religion.
Mitsah, yes I understand you. Some guys get cheated on. Some guys get denigrated and dumped. Some guys have wives who just turn to stone cold neurotic bitches. Either way, we decide that something is wrong and that we must find some other way.
Shailynn, yes sometimes women cheat. I think the issues are similar to the men who cheat.
Larry, yes. I think some of these guys who are cheating are not being honest about how much desexualization they have had to accept and how frustrating that is.
GACA, yes, lots of women are frustrated with their husbands. But I don't think it fair to blame the husbands in that situation. Think about how it got that way.
Dominic77, So you are not highly religious, but you have stayed faithful, but you are posting on a forum full of strip club mongers. I haven't read all of you posts, but I've seen some. I accept what you are saying. You are lucky if strict monogamy is working for you, and without the anti-sexual attitudes which are embedded in and denied by conventional religion. I hope things continue to work well for you, and I know you are a man of integrity. And no, someone should not trash a marriage just for thrills.
I guess some of us have had conflicts in our marriages, which ended up destroying the sexual aspect. You are better off, if you and your spouse have each been able to deal with their own issues, and then to face life as partners. I wanted that, but I got the opposite. So yes, I guess on account of the 1% like yourself, we should not universally denigrate the institution of marriage.
SJG
Stokely Carmichael At UC Berkeley - Black Power
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFFWTsUq…
If I only had two minutes to cheat on my spouse I would try, but when people see my wife and then look at me they say "Wow! How did you do that?" Like an over eating fat guy like me is incapable of luring an attractive woman. My wife is smoking hot, and let this be an example to all PLs out there that it doesn't matter what you look like, we all can get smoking hot chicks as long as you're funny, and you've got money!