ATF dumped me

avatar for emcz
emcz
11 weeks is all it took for ATF to dump me. ATF was special, she never ever asked for $ until today. She hanged out OTC "just friends" and paid her half of all costs for the dates. ITC in VIP she did DFK every time without asking for $, or even asking permission. All she got was a $20 tip for DFK+other extras without me asking for DFK+extras or her demanding a tip. She really knew how to play with my emotions, since I couldn't separate her from an actual GF until recently.

For the first 3 weeks, her texts were inseparable from a GF, we even arranged OTC "just friends" dates. Then she switch SCs and started to work most days at a bikini bar with no VIP rooms far away but closer to her home instead of my SC with VIP rooms. After that her texts became strictly about her schedule. Eventually she politely told me "tell me about it at the club" which I interpreted as "leave me alone off the clock" which I did.

2nd to last VIP a week ago, I gave no tip because she avoided kissing most of the time and then wanted a backrub which I gladly gave her (she wasn’t a stripper but a “GF” at the moment), but the 2 things were sharply different from before. The backrub was very unprofessional and clock burning. It is almost the same sin as texting in the VIP room infront of a customer. I’d give one for free if it was on main floor or untimed OTC, but I am not going to pay for the privilege of doing it.

Fast forward to today. She made 1 tiny mistake. She talked about "my man" which she never did before. The 2nd time I ever met her she said "There is someone I want to be my boyfriend" in passing. That wording is the politically correct way for a stripper to say you aren't the only one and I am fine with that. I never asked about her BF, since I DONT WANT TO KNOW who else, like customers, dopeman, boyfriend, FWB, etc, is there unless we are doing BBFS. If a stripper told me she was single, I would see it as SS so I don’t ever ask.

I never asked her menu because I thought she was different and not that type of stripper, and once you ask about the menu, you are forever a trick to her. So I never did. There was more than DFK in VIP, also for free/no negotiation/just like a civie GF so there was nothing to ask and I didn’t want to know her menu or its prices. Asking the menu would kill the fantasy. The kissing is unconditional for me.

Her 2nd mistake today was she refused physically to kiss. I asked verbally, and she said "no kissing", I asked "just today [you sucked off a customer] or forever", she said "I dont want to smear my lipstick". After the VIP time was up, I asked if she will kiss in the future, since I'm thinking to myself I am not going to VIP again to satisfy my curiosity when I have fav #2 to feed, and since ATF has been slowly decreasing her service level/her experience week by week, I need to put an end to this NOW. Her answer was "you stopped tipping me, you got comfortable with me for X minutes in VIP, the first couple times was okay, but it takes alot to make out for X dollars". I said nothing and she walked out of the VIP room instantly. On main floor, she ignored me when she walked out of the DR/VIP area, because previously she would always sit down and talk with me after VIP. I left a couple minutes later, since she was the only reason to be there on a dead night. X dollars is her $ after the house takes their cut.

Would you have handled today differently than I did?

From day 1 I knew she is a sex worker, is not forever, is not exclusive. If she wants to know me as "just friends" or FWB or somewhere between FWB and P4P, fine, perfect, I'll suck up every memory while it lasts. That is a dream stripper. Today she got greedy. I played her (the suit "the system"), she played me.

So what should I text to ATF instead of her having the last word? She will probably be in my SC everyday now, since she said she was all but certainly fired from her bikini bar yesterday (faking an ER trip, and the manager asked for her to not come back without her discharge papers) and that is why she is in my SC today on a slow day.

"How much is GFE BBFS?" (burn the bridge, she talks $, I talk $, nothing to loose)

Her specific 2 sins in the VIP room that caused the no tip and maybe give her 1 chance to not be blacklisted, "If there is nothing special between us, I have to move on. So what kind of relationship do you want on what terms? The ball is in your court"? or just "if you want to continue with me, let me know, otherwise I have to move on".

30 comments

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avatar for JamesSD
JamesSD
9 years ago
The short answer is move on. I smelled "new boyfriend" by the second paragraph.

Basically you benefitted in the short run from falling into a zone between pure customer and potential date-thing. It sounds like you'd be okay shifting to strictly business, but she doesn't want tone go that route.

So yeah, time to say bye to her. Let her crawl back when the bf dumps her.
avatar for shailynn
shailynn
9 years ago
Id say Juice is probably fucking her for free right now.
avatar for beguiled
beguiled
9 years ago
This sounds like the perfect time to forget a bitch.
avatar for impala
impala
9 years ago
Ditch the bitch. Sounds like she has a boyfriend now and that is that. Revisit her in a few months, see how she is doing, if she is the same then move on.

Good luck, stay safe, and monger on.
avatar for Subraman
Subraman
9 years ago
-->"Would you have handled today differently than I did?"

First, I would not have let my little crush turn into anything more, and subsequently overromanticized our relationship. I think that colors EVERYTHING -- if you don't make that mistake, then the comedy of errors can be cut off much more quickly. If you weren't so over-invested and afraid of the answers, you might have asked outright far earlier on, "hey, things have changed and I'm confused as to why, can we talk about it?" Or, alternative, just do what she did: decide she wasn't meeting your needs anymore, even though she once did, and cut her off. One thing we can REALLY learn from the girls -- once your needs aren't being met, make the decision and cut off the relationship. But a guy who has more-than-a-crush is never going to do that.

-->"So what should I text to ATF instead of her having the last word? "

I'd say take a cue from her, and man the fuck up. Move on, just like she did. You don't want her to have the last word? This isn't jr high, it is a BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP, and she is showing you how to act. When you go to the store, and the peaches cost too much, do you just go to another store and buy the peaches there instead, or do you sit around and write breathless posts and scheme about what to write to the first store so it doesn't "have the last word". You're feeling like you were jilted, because you had some inappropriate feelings (that she obviously encouraged along... perhaps she played you)

Just move on, not another word to her. Living well is the best revenge. Find more strippers, have fun, don't develop more than a little crush. As impala said -- sometimes, there's a rapprochement, down the line
avatar for shailynn
shailynn
9 years ago
Impala is right - take his advice.

If the urge to txt her and look like a fool is too strong, delete her number from your phone.
avatar for pensionking
pensionking
9 years ago
Subraman stated it perfectly. Nothing to add. Live and learn, my friend.
avatar for londonguy
londonguy
9 years ago
I think most of us have gone through the same or similar experience to you so I can empathise with you. The guys are right, just put it down to experience and move on. Don't be bitter angry, bitterness and anger eat away your soul.

Pick yourself up, dust yourself down and look for a new ATF.
avatar for Subraman
Subraman
9 years ago
-->" I think most of us have gone through the same or similar experience to you so I can empathise with you."

Yep, exactly, I've done the same thing once. Once. Some tough brotherly love is what's needed to clear your head.
avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo
9 years ago
No matter how it looked or felt; it appears you saw her more as a GF/FWB and she saw you more as a custy that wasn't paying enough for what she was providing.

You need to decide what it is you want from her and if she is not down that is her right and you both move on.

a) do you want GFE for just a $20 tip and that's the end all be all - if this is the case apparently she currently is not down w/ that so if this is your non-negotiable stance then move-on

b) you are willing to pay market rate for what she does (which it appears you haven't) - if so then tell her what you want and what you feel is fair payment and come to an agreement


Strippers don't owe us anything - they are there to make $$$ not tend to our emotions and emotional needs; that's not their job - we pay a fair price and they provide a fair service - nothing more and nothing less should be expected.
avatar for warhawks
warhawks
9 years ago

There is always another hot young thing waiting to be your ATF (who's even better).

As long as you have money....
avatar for Bavarian
Bavarian
9 years ago
Well said, Papi.

Pay up like the rest of us PLs. Looks like she's willing to continue to make out with you if you tip her good.

Forget about BBFS unless you've got JS69 bankroll and game.
avatar for Bavarian
Bavarian
9 years ago
...and if you're snipped.
avatar for mrrock
mrrock
9 years ago
I think Papi summed it up best so far. Sounds to me like you thought she was a semi GF/FWB and she just looked at you as a cheap regular PL. She told you "show me the money". So either you negotiate something fair for the both of you or move on.
avatar for Subraman
Subraman
9 years ago
I'm still a work in progress myself, but one of the best things I did for myself is to try to truly approach every interaction as a business exchange. If 7-11 raises the price of Ring Dings, I don't get furious with the 7-11 guy and feel hurt and plot some sort of revenge, I head to Quik-E Mart where the price of Ring Dings is what I'm expecting. Instead of guessing what my stripper is thinking, or specifically not asking because I'm afraid my fantasy of her liking me will fall through, I communicate my expectations and desires clearly and often, and if I'm disappointed or confused, I say so. She has the option meet the experience I'm looking for, or not, and if she chooses "not", we go our separate ways. No bad feelings (at least on my part), she's just not offering what I"m looking for. Interestingly, since I started this, I've actually kept on good terms with some strippers who won't meet my expectations otherwise; instead of getting all angry and hurt, now I have a drinking buddy who keeps me company until my real CF arrives.
avatar for JohnSmith69
JohnSmith69
9 years ago
Dump the bitch and move on. And follow the good advice that people gave me when the DS dumped me: resist the urge to send some perfectly worded text that will get her back, or make her realize what a bitch she is, or whatever. It won't work. she will ignore your text, and it'll just make you feel worse. Just find another stripper to play with and ignore this one. They are everywhere.
avatar for Subraman
Subraman
9 years ago
^^^ not only will it just make you feel worse, but IMO it makes you look weak (and that's def how the girls interpret it -- I was with a girl a few weeks ago who had taken a guy for many thousands, then he got too clingy and she had to fire him as a customer, he started venting in text and she was reading his texts to me and laughing). Like I said, living well -- or strip clubbing and ATFing well -- is by far the best revenge.
avatar for JamesSD
JamesSD
9 years ago
^exactly! Being a whiny bitchy just reinforces her decision. Shrugging and basically saying "that's cool, let me know if anything changes" leaves the door open.

Abundance mentality is a powerful thing. Part of why pussy tends to be feast or famine is when you don't NEED pussy the girls can tell, and that's attractive.
avatar for Cashman1234
Cashman1234
9 years ago
Time to move on. If you start to think you want her back - stop - and read the advice in this discussion. It's over. Save your money until you find a new stripper who has potential.

Don't go looking for a girlfriend in a strip club. It's like trying to drink a milkshake on a roller coaster - it's messy - frustrating - and it's just not a good idea!
avatar for Subraman
Subraman
9 years ago
I have a good counter-story as well. A few years back I had an incredibly beautiful ATF, I used to see her from the time the club opened until about 4 or so. I was aware she had a customer after me, and one day she told me, "yeah, you should keep coming to the club early, because I have a whale who comes in almost every day about 5. So it's perfect that you leave by then." One day, she told me he'd pressured her for OTC a few times, she'd consistently turned him down, and then he gave her her walking papers and moved on to another stripper. We saw him in the club once with another stripper, and she looked at him, then said kind of wistfully, "I really miss his money.. sometimes I wonder if I should have said yes". I respect the guy, he moved on without looking back (just like strippers do to customers), and just found a new girl and had super fun with her... and THAT is what made the old girl a bit jealous and conflicted. If he'd written juvenile texts and acted like a little bitch, I don't think she'd have been missing him one bit.
avatar for Timbuck12
Timbuck12
9 years ago
Move on. Ignore her. Do NOT text her again or try to get the last word. Just ignore her and start having fun with other girls at the club. Believe me, she'll notice and she'll probably approach you and want to rekindle things. And then you can decide, on your own terms, whether it's worth it to go down that path again.
avatar for 3LeggedMan
3LeggedMan
9 years ago
It's time to promote #2. She'll be happy to provide services for $$$, you'll be getting said services, and word will undoubtably get back to ATF, who then can decide on an appropriate response. There's another bus coming along every so often. All aboard!
avatar for s88
s88
9 years ago
Alot of good advice in this thread already. Mine is, dont ever text anything you wouldn't want her to show to all the other strippers in the DR or the GM of the SC. My ATF routinely shows me text convos from other strippers, SC staff, and her family where they get heated and bothered at her for legit or BS reasons. Anything you text will be petty and angry, so just dont. If she rethinks it, or sees you with another stripper (like your #2), you will have the upper hand for the rest of the relationship (2nd half) with your ex-ATF, if you choose to take her back, which I dont think you will. She put you in the dog house at week 4 and you didnt do anything about it until week 11. She won't be able to ever do that again if she comes back to you instead of you begging or acting catty or waving $$$.
avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo
9 years ago
Text her a GIF of a middle finger that way you can have the last word but w/o saying a word.

I'm kidding btw.
avatar for crazyjoe
crazyjoe
9 years ago
This is juice fucking everyone
avatar for skibum609
skibum609
9 years ago
Sunday my ATF either was blind or chose to ignore me. I did rooms with two other girls. Who cares. They are not g/f's no matter what all y'all believe.
avatar for flagooner
flagooner
9 years ago
I might be going through the same thing (being fired by my ATF) all due to a stupid texting miscommunication.

Oh well. Maybe I'll save a little $ while looking for her replacement. Or maybe she gets over herself and wants back in my good graces. Let's see where this one goes.
avatar for emcz
emcz
9 years ago
Texted #2, met #2 ITC. Ex-ATF was working (aka sitting alone all the time), never looked at me as far as I know but was sitting 3 seats away from me and #2 the whole time. #2's dancer friend was with another customer sitting also and at one point ex-ATF slid over to sit next to him innocently, he paid no attention, then ex-ATF slid over back to her original place on the bench seat. I found out #2 is a semi-secret retired porn star and she gave me her porn name and her IG name (they are legit her). VIP room was a strange preview of OTC FS with FIV, DFK, DATY, HJ through pants, with alot of talking and negotiation on her part but no firm agreement on my part to OTC due to her wanting "free" OTC with me saying she hates prostitutes, no non-sex OTC hang out first, and she wants to "drink" alot in the motel room. The 3 terms sound like red flags for robbery unless she is a nymph. Ill see where this goes.
avatar for flagooner
flagooner
9 years ago
Yeah. I'm sure that will go well.
avatar for Papi_Chulo
Papi_Chulo
9 years ago
Many of these girls are hardcore party-girls - if you can handle them and their hardcore partying then go for it.
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