Juice For President 2016 - It Can Really Happen

They never tell you what you need to know.

4/6/2016 6:23:14 PM

Reading the news today, it sounds like the Republican Primary is going to be a huge huge mess. Who gets the nom? Trump without enough delegates? Ted Cruz? The rumor of a Cruz and Kasich duo supported by the Republican majority? Mitt Romney sneaking in?

I think this is the time for the TUSCL Super Pac to really try to get Juice in the door. We just need to get a running mate for him. So many options, so many options. If anyone nominates me to be his running mate, I would have to decline. If some reporter tried to dig up dirt on me, that could fuck the entire Republican party for the next 25 years.

I would gladly accept the position of campaign manager and would simply run the platform on these simple ideals:

1. Legalize Prostitution

2. Legalize (and tax) gambling

3. Legalize (and tax) Marijuana

4. Allow strip clubs to be open in all jurisdictions until 5AM

5. Fast forward research on self-driving cars to alleviate drunk driving

6. 25 Chackin Fangers for every tax paying citizen or child of a tax paying citizen per month

7. Tax all churches

8. Abolish parking tickets

9. Legalize Polygamy

I think there's something for everyone in there.