Ok so many of you gave your opinions about me looking for a new CF on previous thread. What is your advice on how I should handle my current CF while looking for a new CF? I ask this because I want to look for a new CF at my favorite club (which is also where my current CF is). How do I handle it if when I walk in my CF walks over just assuming I am there to see her because I almost always only get dances from a CF? Before some of you say to tell her off I have to tell you that she became my current CF because she put on the full court press while I was coming to see my previous CF. She knew I was more attracted to her and she was very eager to do whatever to become my favorite but now she takes me for granted. I want to not go off on her because I want to leave that door open for us to make up and for her to decide to do OTC. So what do I say or how do I handle it when I go to the club looking to try out some other dancers and my CF comes over thinking I am there to see her?
Maybe tell her, "Thanks, but I just more in a mood to just watch tonight. Thanks anyway though." Then pass on three or four other dancers before you start to "cave in."
“Telling her off” is childish and unbecoming of a TUSCL playa :)
A popular saying I heard about 20 years ago and stuck with me - “hate is not the opposite of love – it is indifference”.
Often times you ignoring a woman will get her attention more than throwing a temper tantrum.
Just play it cool as if you didn't care if she danced for you or not (indifference).
To me the best way to deal with SS (Stripper Shit) is often not to necessarily “tell them off” but to pretend you believe their shit and to let them think they have you where they want you while all along you know better and you can take it or leave it.
If she comes up to you – be polite as if nothing has happened – if she asks for a dance just say “not right now” or “you just got there and want to chill for a bit and watch the stage”; etc – and then either get dances from another dancer that approaches and you like or just approach another dancer you like.
If other dancers give you the shit of aren't you so-and-so's customer just say something brilliant like “I'm a free agent” or “I'm everybody's customer” or “I choose who to get dances with”; etc.
Best way to deal w/ your inattentive CF is not to keep obsessing over her and her actions; it is to do something about it by being w/ other dancers and either you'll find something better or your CF will change her tune.
“Telling her off” is childish and unbecoming of a TUSCL playa :)
A popular saying I heard about 20 years ago and stuck with me - “hate is not the opposite of love – it is indifference”.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Words to live by, from the Papster
The fact that you keep bringing up "telling her off" makes me continue to think you're in an unhealthy place. What is it you have to tell her off about anyway? She didn't do anything wrong. You were a spineless doormat, and she exploited it. Now, you've (hopefully) wised up... if anything, you should thank her for teaching you a lesson in respecting yourself, and luckily, it wasn't too expensive a lesson. Some guys get treated that way and nevertheless spend thousands.
I do have a completely different take on how to her when you see her. If you don't want to be involved in drama, always be completely respectful but direct and clear. Never make up excuses "not right now" or whatever, that give her openings to keep engaging with you, if you want to shut the door. Last time I changed ATFs, here's what I did: I smiled when I saw her, we exchanged pleasantries for a moment, then I said, "good to see you! I'm hanging out with Porsche today, have a great day!". And I walked away, that was that. I don't owe her any more explanation, and it was all clear and simple. You can say "good to see you! I'm going to play the field today, but have a great day!", then step. That's it. Friendly, polite, but clear and direct, no guessing games on her part that you're moving on.
BTW OP – it's good that you are asking questions – many/most of us made many stripper mistakes when we were green – if some of us on here come at you a bit hard it's not for the purpose of busting your ass but for you to not keep getting played.
First of all, you aren't being honest with yourself, and you aren't fooling anyone here. You are absolutely obsessed with this girl. Period. No matter what advice we give you, you're just going to fold like a lawn chair she sits on. So real advice. Do what you want to do then try to understand or Learn why you want "this girl" so bad. (Hint: it's not just because she's hot)
Till then learning to get over that sorrow or spite that drives you to getting step on is going to cost you a lot if cash, but hey...therapy is expensive
My advice is to forget about CFs, ATFs and all those dorky terms, and just go get dances from any strippers who look good to you. If one of them continues to perform for you better than anyone else, keep that info to yourself. Try not to let her know she's anything more than just another piece of ass to you. Easily replaceable.
If she eventually proves herself to be so loyal to you that she does things like passing up dancing for other guys while waiting for you to become free, then you might consider showing her more deference than any other stripper. That's what it should mean to have a genuine favorite stripper. It's a distinction she needs to earn. But to say you're "looking for a new CF" is putting the cart before the horse.
In the meantime, if this chick has a problem with you trying other girls, tell her that unless she's giving up dancing for other guys, you're gonna do what you feel like doing.
Papi.....thanks for letting me know where to find the glossary. So in looking thru that I saw one I hadn't seen anybody use before but I definitely am. I have been a RIL (Regular In Love).
Her loyalty is a way for her to put the hook to you - dances, gifts, etc.
When I was in the SC Hobby as a newbie I had the same problem. I wanted to get away from a dancer named Steph (a ROB too) and try other girls. I simply went to another club and the dances there were $10 vs $20 and a girl there became my favorite but the same problem developed - lust for other girls, variety.....
About 6 months later I evolved away from just getting dances and spending a fortune on them and had a stripper sugar baby (who I met on a regular basis). Some girls would come and go and then some would re-appear. The problem with this is you give in to lots of sessions at motel and these costs pile up like CO2 in a toxic atmosphere. One day you will look back and wonder what were you thinking when you spent all this money.
My advice budget your SC activities. You can get by on one or two sessions a month. They are out to put the hook to you and bank a lot of money a month setting you up for financial ruin. Rotating multiple girls is a mistake too. I have been seeing this one awhile, she is now an x stripper and works in legal. I do her 2x month at 100 a session and don't worry about finances like I used too with occasional self serve. Believe me, they will not abandon you if they know your a reliable payer even if not multiple times a week. It all adds up and the money spent can ruin you. You never know when a job or career will crap out - prepare for it.
It can be hard to take just two dances with a girl and then go back to your table or leave the club. The little head will try to dictate things but this can ruin your finances. Lately when I go to a club where I am LT VIP (and having the x stripper mistress) I get the free cover, free buffet, perhaps two drinks and that is it. No stage tips or dances. I might buy them a drink if they sit with me and get some mileage, free stuff. Being cheap A is what it is all about now.
If a girl wants 200 for a sessionk, tell her you have only 100 or 150 and see if you can get it for less. If not, do not be afraid to walk away. Think of the money your saving and what it buys - use the big head.
I've struggled with this too. The challenge is the CF will come and sit next to you making it pretty awkward for you to talk to other talent. Here's how I handle this. Go straight to the rail and sit tipping dancers. Eventually one will ask you for a dance. Go for it. When done, either keep talking to her or go back to the rail.
It will be a little uncomfortable at first, but it won't be nearly as dramatic as you may envision it. Just remember, she would bail on you in a second if a bigger whale walked in.
@coolguy111: "So in looking thru that I saw one I hadn't seen anybody use before but I definitely am. I have been a RIL (Regular In Love)."
We don't use that one because we're afraid of it actually happening to us. :)
One other issue you may face is that other girls in the club may not want to engage with you because your are "her" customer. This could be due to either the girls respecting each other's property and not "poaching", or because your CF has explicitly told them to stay away from you.
In the first case, a few stage tips and dances with other girls will tell them that you are, if not "up for grabs," at least somewhat available.
In the latter case however, it may take more than a little work to get the other girls to pay attention to you. This scenario has happened to me a few times. One time so badly, I had to get the bar involved; she was actually *threatening* the other girls.
I ran off literally a dozen dancers last night who were trying to steal me from the DS. I said simply "you guys are beautiful, and maybe we will play again another day, but I'm going to hang out with the DS and catch up from a while." No big deal. Just say it nicely and respectfully.
“... I've struggled with this too. The challenge is the CF will come and sit next to you making it pretty awkward for you to talk to other talent. Here's how I handle this. Go straight to the rail and sit tipping dancers. Eventually one will ask you for a dance ...”
Just a minor consideration – if you stay sitting at the rail; no dancers may approach – in many SCs dancers are not allowed to approach PLs at the rail h/c the rail is sorta dancer-on-stage territory not to be invaded by other dancers
I think we (me included) often go thru too many hoops to try to get away from a fave at the club so we can play with others – dancers know there is competition and that PLs will want to play-with-others/play-the-field – but many a dancer will pull on our inbred “gentlemanly strings” & kinda mentally manipulate us into feeling guilty for being w/ other dancers and not them (the fave).
They know the deal – they know we often want to play w/ others and they know it's our right to do so – they are just/solely looking after their business interests and we often comply.
I realize I make this look easier than it is (pats self on back), but all these problems of "other girls ignore you because you're hers", "she sits next to you and makes it hard to see other girls", I think these are non-issues if you just follow my rule: be polite and respectful, but clear and firm. I've had an x-CF sit next to me (she didn't realize she was fired), I smile and say, "thanks for coming by! I'm going to play the field today and meet the other girls, have a great day!". If I had to, I would then get up and sit at the stage, but the girls have always left. If I"m having trouble getting girls, I go to the stage when the girl I want is up there, and tell her I want to do a VIP with her ... $ and aircover (the fact that I went to her) always trumps stripper etiquette IMO.
I realize some girls are very aggressive, and if they think they have you under their thumb, they'll be even more aggressive, and they can make it harder than I described above. But firmness and confidence trump that -- the problem is, we all fall apart when we see those girls.
Given the OP's RIL status, I no longer think firing his CF but staying atthe same club is the right thing to do. Going to a new club so he can stay away from her, is safer.
@georgmicrodong......that is exactly the problem....between me telling others dancers in the past that I didn't want a dance because I was waiting for my CF to her also I am sure letting people know that I am hers it may be hard to get dancers to come over to me unless it is slow which then I usually have to say No about 5 times in less than 15 minutes while waiting for CF. I may just have to go on a night I know she usually doesn't work. The last time I was upset with her and tried this though I went in on a night she doesn't work and she had decided to go in because she needed to make more money because it had been slow. She asked what I was doing there if I know she usually doesn't work that night and I caved. I said since I hadn't heard back from her I thought I would come up and see if she happened to come to work that night and we went back and did our usual dances.
“... The last time I was upset with her and tried this though I went in on a night she doesn't work and she had decided to go in because she needed to make more money because it had been slow. She asked what I was doing there if I know she usually doesn't work that night and I caved. I said since I hadn't heard back from her I thought I would come up and see if she happened to come to work that night and we went back and did our usual dances ...”
With all due respect I don't think it is getting thru to you – you don't need/have to answer to her – currently you are spending YOUR $$$ to do what SHE wants instead of what YOU want w/ YOUR $$$.
You are the one w/ the $$$ - if anyone is going to be catering to anyone is the dancer to the custy w/ the $$$.
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A popular saying I heard about 20 years ago and stuck with me - “hate is not the opposite of love – it is indifference”.
Often times you ignoring a woman will get her attention more than throwing a temper tantrum.
Just play it cool as if you didn't care if she danced for you or not (indifference).
To me the best way to deal with SS (Stripper Shit) is often not to necessarily “tell them off” but to pretend you believe their shit and to let them think they have you where they want you while all along you know better and you can take it or leave it.
If she comes up to you – be polite as if nothing has happened – if she asks for a dance just say “not right now” or “you just got there and want to chill for a bit and watch the stage”; etc – and then either get dances from another dancer that approaches and you like or just approach another dancer you like.
If other dancers give you the shit of aren't you so-and-so's customer just say something brilliant like “I'm a free agent” or “I'm everybody's customer” or “I choose who to get dances with”; etc.
Best way to deal w/ your inattentive CF is not to keep obsessing over her and her actions; it is to do something about it by being w/ other dancers and either you'll find something better or your CF will change her tune.
There is also “UrbanDictionary.com” which defines just about any acronym or slang term out there.
A popular saying I heard about 20 years ago and stuck with me - “hate is not the opposite of love – it is indifference”.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Words to live by, from the Papster
The fact that you keep bringing up "telling her off" makes me continue to think you're in an unhealthy place. What is it you have to tell her off about anyway? She didn't do anything wrong. You were a spineless doormat, and she exploited it. Now, you've (hopefully) wised up... if anything, you should thank her for teaching you a lesson in respecting yourself, and luckily, it wasn't too expensive a lesson. Some guys get treated that way and nevertheless spend thousands.
I do have a completely different take on how to her when you see her. If you don't want to be involved in drama, always be completely respectful but direct and clear. Never make up excuses "not right now" or whatever, that give her openings to keep engaging with you, if you want to shut the door. Last time I changed ATFs, here's what I did: I smiled when I saw her, we exchanged pleasantries for a moment, then I said, "good to see you! I'm hanging out with Porsche today, have a great day!". And I walked away, that was that. I don't owe her any more explanation, and it was all clear and simple. You can say "good to see you! I'm going to play the field today, but have a great day!", then step. That's it. Friendly, polite, but clear and direct, no guessing games on her part that you're moving on.
Till then learning to get over that sorrow or spite that drives you to getting step on is going to cost you a lot if cash, but hey...therapy is expensive
If she eventually proves herself to be so loyal to you that she does things like passing up dancing for other guys while waiting for you to become free, then you might consider showing her more deference than any other stripper. That's what it should mean to have a genuine favorite stripper. It's a distinction she needs to earn. But to say you're "looking for a new CF" is putting the cart before the horse.
In the meantime, if this chick has a problem with you trying other girls, tell her that unless she's giving up dancing for other guys, you're gonna do what you feel like doing.
Rule #2 – don't forget rule #1
When I was in the SC Hobby as a newbie I had the same problem. I wanted to get away from a dancer named Steph (a ROB too) and try other girls. I simply went to another club and the dances there were $10 vs $20 and a girl there became my favorite but the same problem developed - lust for other girls, variety.....
About 6 months later I evolved away from just getting dances and spending a fortune on them and had a stripper sugar baby (who I met on a regular basis). Some girls would come and go and then some would re-appear. The problem with this is you give in to lots of sessions at motel and these costs pile up like CO2 in a toxic atmosphere. One day you will look back and wonder what were you thinking when you spent all this money.
My advice budget your SC activities. You can get by on one or two sessions a month. They are out to put the hook to you and bank a lot of money a month setting you up for financial ruin. Rotating multiple girls is a mistake too. I have been seeing this one awhile, she is now an x stripper and works in legal. I do her 2x month at 100 a session and don't worry about finances like I used too with occasional self serve. Believe me, they will not abandon you if they know your a reliable payer even if not multiple times a week. It all adds up and the money spent can ruin you. You never know when a job or career will crap out - prepare for it.
It can be hard to take just two dances with a girl and then go back to your table or leave the club. The little head will try to dictate things but this can ruin your finances. Lately when I go to a club where I am LT VIP (and having the x stripper mistress) I get the free cover, free buffet, perhaps two drinks and that is it. No stage tips or dances. I might buy them a drink if they sit with me and get some mileage, free stuff. Being cheap A is what it is all about now.
If a girl wants 200 for a sessionk, tell her you have only 100 or 150 and see if you can get it for less. If not, do not be afraid to walk away. Think of the money your saving and what it buys - use the big head.
I think I would rather spend $100 in dances from a young, hot stripper and choke the chicken later when I get home :-)
It will be a little uncomfortable at first, but it won't be nearly as dramatic as you may envision it. Just remember, she would bail on you in a second if a bigger whale walked in.
We don't use that one because we're afraid of it actually happening to us. :)
One other issue you may face is that other girls in the club may not want to engage with you because your are "her" customer. This could be due to either the girls respecting each other's property and not "poaching", or because your CF has explicitly told them to stay away from you.
In the first case, a few stage tips and dances with other girls will tell them that you are, if not "up for grabs," at least somewhat available.
In the latter case however, it may take more than a little work to get the other girls to pay attention to you. This scenario has happened to me a few times. One time so badly, I had to get the bar involved; she was actually *threatening* the other girls.
Good luck.
Just a minor consideration – if you stay sitting at the rail; no dancers may approach – in many SCs dancers are not allowed to approach PLs at the rail h/c the rail is sorta dancer-on-stage territory not to be invaded by other dancers
They know the deal – they know we often want to play w/ others and they know it's our right to do so – they are just/solely looking after their business interests and we often comply.
I realize some girls are very aggressive, and if they think they have you under their thumb, they'll be even more aggressive, and they can make it harder than I described above. But firmness and confidence trump that -- the problem is, we all fall apart when we see those girls.
Given the OP's RIL status, I no longer think firing his CF but staying atthe same club is the right thing to do. Going to a new club so he can stay away from her, is safer.
With all due respect I don't think it is getting thru to you – you don't need/have to answer to her – currently you are spending YOUR $$$ to do what SHE wants instead of what YOU want w/ YOUR $$$.
You are the one w/ the $$$ - if anyone is going to be catering to anyone is the dancer to the custy w/ the $$$.