Stripper Lies

1. I love the taste of your cum

2. I'd love to meet your wife.

• I like hanging out with you (at the club) – you are cool – not like the other guys

• OMG – you look 15 years younger than your age

• wow – do you work out – it looks like it

• let's go to VIP so we can be naughty – we get to VIP and it's a standard lap-dance – Me; “I thought we were going to get naughty?” - Her - “Sorry baby but they have cameras in here” (even if you can't see them)

• your penis size is perfect for me (meaning don't worry that it's small)

• I only smoke/drink when I'm in the club

• I think you're really smart

• You are so interesting

1. I have not had sex in 3 months
2. I have never given a bj in VIP.

I'm in school; pre-med

I own a Range Rover and a BMW

Yeah my breasts are real

You're making me wet.

After standing me up for a lunch date and not returning my phone calls, I go on line and discover that my ATF of 8 years had applied for a marriage license 11 months ago.

• You're so smart and funny and handsome (all I said was "Hi")
• I almost orgasmed
• I'm your only friend here. Don't trust any of the other girls.

Alucard would probably have some good ones if he was still with us.

Your bald spot is so sexy

Six packs are too hard; I love your comfy beer-belly

I had one new stripper try to tell me that I was so much cooler and more interesting than the 20+ other guys in the club after talking to me for like 2 minutes. I called her out on the fact that it was impossible that every other single guy was boring (and I wasn't exactly wowing her with charm, as I wasn't that interested).

I've also had girls claim that they don't do the same things they do in the LD room for every guy that they do for me. There's probably a grain of truth there, they may only do such things for 50-75% of guys.

Don't worry baby I'm clean

1. The only reason I'm doing this is for my kids. 2) Chubby guys are more fun to be around. 3) I wish I could find a nice guy like you. / I'm in a strip club. How nice can I possibly be ?!?!

"Six packs are too hard; I love your comfy beer-belly"

Papi. I laughed so hard at this one because it's so true. I have had many dancers tell me they love big, soft teddy bears and hate dancing with skinny guys because they are too hard and bony. lol

The guy waiting for me outside in the car is my brother!

And whatever happened to alucard????

I've never had an std. You're the only guy I do bareback. I've stopped fucking all guys except you and my BF I'll meet you at the hotel at 4:00 pm sharp

I actually did graduate from law school but decided not to be a lawyer. I was thinking about you the other day and wondering how you were. That orgasm was real. I'm divorced, and my ex is completely out of the picture. I always get excited when I see you walk into the club (has never danced for me before) The baby seat in my car is for my sister's kid.

Oh man, I've gotten the "I was thinking about you the other day" line a couple times.

There are exactly three strippers I would believe that from, only because we have some online communication.

@Papi_Chulo: " love your comfy beer-belly"

My ATF uses one like that on me still, to this day.

Last time I talked to her, I told her I was working out. She said "Aw, don't get too fit, I still like my chunky monkey."

“... Oh man, I've gotten the "I was thinking about you the other day" line a couple times ...”

I totally believe this when they say it b/c 99% of the time when they are “thinking about you” they are really thinking about that package in your pants (i.e. your wallet)

You're different.

I LOVE bald guys – they seem so mature and interesting

I hate young guys - I love men over 60 – they have so much experience