How we came to be...

avatar for Clubber
Clubber
Florida
A Correct Anthropological History... or close……

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.

Beer required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These two were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals
2. Conservatives

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men evolved into women. Others became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include: the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.

Modern Liberals like lite beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard Liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: many Liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, film makers in Hollywood, group therapists and community organizers are Liberals. Liberals meddled in our national pastime and invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work
for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the Liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to this post.
A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be shared immediately to other true believers and to just piss off more liberals...

And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self. I'm going to have another beer.

I love history!

19 comments

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avatar for mikeya02
mikeya02
10 years ago
I agree that the making and desire for beer helped mankind evolve more ways than one would at first think.
avatar for GACA
GACA
10 years ago
Porn...beer in an of itself would have a slow adoption rate, so would the wheel, because "Why?"

Well if history has taught us nothing is that men will adopt new technology in droves (whether the tech is inferior or not) if it leads to porn.

So Liberals invented Porn, and have been the most popular of the species ever since. Conservatives resent this fact, but the simple truth was beside beer, the wheel, and work ethic, you niggas haven't had a decent idea since...

But that's conservatives for ya, "My great great great great great grandfather came up with a nifty idea some centuries ago, pay me my money for his work now."

Silly conservatives :)
avatar for JamesSD
JamesSD
10 years ago
Actually, the conservative nature is to fear everything new and change. So while the liberals were inventing beer and civilization, conservatives would have been decrying the decline of the old ways. I mean, being roving bands of hunter gatherers worked for millenia, why change things? Change is scary to the conservative brain.
avatar for whodey
whodey
10 years ago
You forgot the three most important inventions of all time:
1) strip clubs - the only worthwhile form of entertainment
2) condoms - to prevent stds and pregnancy both itc and otc
3) TUSCL - the best way to find a strip club in which to be entertained while utilizing condoms za
avatar for mikeya02
mikeya02
10 years ago
Actually the liberal nature is to try to kiss ass to dictatorships like Syria, Russia, Iran, N. Korea, while they continue to stick their thumbs up our ass. Yup, they really respect lib talk.
avatar for JohnSmith69
JohnSmith69
10 years ago
very funny. I am laughing. And I am so convinced of the absolute truth of this history, and so high, that I'm immediately sharing it with all of the liberals that I know.
avatar for JohnSmith69
JohnSmith69
10 years ago
Both of them.
avatar for Dougster
Dougster
10 years ago
Ah, politics. Choosing the tribe you want to align to as your fashion statement and then ceasing all thought. Truth is both groups and the dynamics of the conflict between them are needed, and, thankfully, in reality what ends getting done is in the middle. Yeah, I'm a boring centrist.
avatar for DoctorPhil
DoctorPhil
10 years ago
@Dougster. you've said that you think that left wing nut job wanna-be tyrant bloomberg is a centrist even though more than 98% of his political donations go to leftists causes (look it up). face it you are a dyed in the wool communist.
avatar for IanSmith
IanSmith
10 years ago
There are some long dead Romans and Greeks who would recognise this age. Humanity has all this great genetic stock of conservatives but for some reason the leftist scum are like a resistant strain of bacteria infecting the human race that can’t be eliminated. So its dog eat dog, their rules.

At some point genocide will no longer be a dirty word for leftists to once again utter in public when one of them says "hey, these people are annoying!" and then conservatives will shortly thereafter become an endangered species. Of course it won’t stop there (it never does) because after they get their leftist liberal agenda of "population control" for "environmental" reasoning up and running all the “dirty people” of the Second and Third World who do not believe in reading or contraception should look out (of course they can’t read so they will never know that they were the subject of a debate).

By all means let us use the time we have left as a civilization to celebrate the fruits of drunken couplings between the parasitic leftists and productive conservatives as the ghost ship of humanity wallows in the doldrums between the Isles of Ennui; the self absorbed crew reeking of rum, syphilitic from sodomy and desperately in need of the lash.
avatar for crazyjoe
crazyjoe
10 years ago
I am waiting for the shit to hit the fan
avatar for sharkhunter
sharkhunter
10 years ago
lol
One exception, I drink lite beer. although I can drink it like water.
I would probably be a new class of politician if I ever ran for office. I'll call it the middle class. Everyone getting elected to any high office in the US now seems to be either rich or very upper middle class which is way beyond where most of us are at. They are already there before getting elected. It just shows it takes so much money to get elected, some average wage worker never stands a chance of getting elected to any high ranking position in our government.

If I was running the republican campaign, I might fight fire with fire and put someone like the South Carolina governor up against Hillary Clinton.
avatar for Clubber
Clubber
10 years ago
shark,

I'd vote for Nikki. However, there is already a standard bearer to take on the hill as a woman, Carly!
avatar for crazyjoe
crazyjoe
10 years ago
How did strip club dj's get here?
avatar for Diva1975
Diva1975
10 years ago
Lol crazy Joe. Definitely some sort of genetic mutation took place!
avatar for saer
saer
10 years ago
Heh, you Conservatives are so cute with your small little view of the world.

Strong, opaque beer is great if I'm sick day or trying to be social, but generally speaking, I drink islay scotch, neat. Other drinks are okay if you have a lot of estrogen in your system.
avatar for TheeOSU
TheeOSU
10 years ago
*Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men evolved into women. Others became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include: the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons. *


I love that! So funny and true!
avatar for Clubber
Clubber
10 years ago
Wow, saer spoke. Seems I touched a never. Funny! I wonder why he is here?
avatar for just_the_nuts
just_the_nuts
10 years ago
How did we get eeerrr u ask ?

Your mommy and daddy or the milk mane lol had sex, coitus, fucked and or made love then 9 months later u rolled out
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