Uncomfortable Wasting a Dancer's Time . . .

6 comments

• FONDL

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  19 years ago

  On first impression I usually classify dancers into 3 categories: those who definately interest me, those who definately don't, and those of whom I'm unsure. The first two are easy to deal with but it's that third one that is difficult. With those girls I will usually sit and chat for awhile until I can reclassify them into either category 1 or a 2. The difficulties arise when I reclassify a 3 to a 2. How do you get rid of that girl without being rude? The easiest way is if they get called up for their stage dance, then I'll usually give them a tip, thank them for their time, and try to find another girl before they are finished dancing. If they don't get called up I'll usually buy a dance, then say goodby. And sometimes their private dance convinces me to stay with them awhile longer. Sometimes there's no way out and the best option is to stay with the girl, even though she's not my type, and enjoy it the best that I can. It's just one of those nights. You aren't going to hit gold every time. That's why I prefer to have a regular, it eliminates all this stuff.
• Kyle1111

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  19 years ago

  Hi Parodyman, "It dosen't have to be rudeness. You can simply say that you aren't interested in getting any dances at the moment." That reasonable approach hasn't worked for me usually. The dancer will usually express hurt feelings or anger stating she just wanted to chat a little. "The ladies seem to appreciate the honesty. This way they can move on to the next customer and continue to make money." Some do, but in my experience most seem upset that they didn't get to complete their sales pitch--which may be very very very long. "If they give you any lip they probably weren't the dancer for you anyway. You can also take a certain satisfaction in knowing that this person will not make much money at their job no matter how attractive they are. Personality, attitude and a willingness to please are key." Well, I know almost immediately if I'm interested in a dancer assuming I've seen the dancer without her clothing. I don't like to burn bridges. There are in my experience a lot of dancers who like talking and making people happy without expecting $. OTOH, I consider it reasonable for a dancer to expect $ when she has been spending time. That is where the problem for me is at. I do NOT want a dancer wasting her time if she's thinking $. If she is just a good person, then I'd like to stay on friendly terms. The reasonable solution is to be upfront, like you said. But, that hasn't worked for me most of the time. Sometimes it is appreciated, but that is not the norm. I wish it were for both the super sweet dancers and those just looking and working for the almighty $. That would make life a lot simpler. Also, when a dancer asks why I don't want a dance the reasonable solution is to tell the truth. The problem is some sweet dancers get really hurt by the truth. I was able to calm down this one dancer when I asked her am I your ideal man? She answered NO. I replied then why is it wrong for me to NOT see you as my ideal? Everyone has different preferences. Some women LOVE the way I look, but that is a teeny tiny minority! I have NO doubt that a lot of men are definitely drooling over you and you wouldn't even give them a second glance! That made her feel a lot better. :)
• Kyle1111

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  19 years ago

  Hi SuperDude, I don't see the issue as being so clear cut. I've had more than a few very nice dancers who like to sit and chat even *after* they know I will not spend $ on them. They're just very nice people who like to meet and talk with other people. Where it gets difficult is with dancers who are trying to make $ or worse with dancers who I might buy dancers from once in awhile. So because I'm often unable at first meeting to tell whether a dancer is just a very nice person who likes to talk and make people happy or one who sees conversation as a job, I become very uncomfortable and start feeling guilty. If she is looking for $, then I'd like to just get rid of her so she doesn't waste her time. If she's just being nice, then that is *usually* fine. Sometimes it is not if there is a hottie I'm drooling over. I've tried the approach of just saying that I won't be spending much $ tonight upfront, but it seems to result in negative feelings. Even among dancers who are not thinking $. The reason it feels even worse with dancers I might spend $ on is because then she is hoping she can make another successful sales pitch. If I don't buy, then she thinks she must of done something wrong because I've bought in the past. The reality is she has probably not done anything wrong and her sales pitch is irrelevant. With the true hottie, I do not need a sales pitch. I'm ready and eager to buy.
• parodyman-->

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  19 years ago

  It dosen't have to be rudeness. You can simply say that you aren't interested in getting any dances at the moment. The ladies seem to appreciate the honesty. This way they can move on to the next customer and continue to make money. If they give you any lip they probably weren't the dancer for you anyway. You can also take a certain satisfaction in knowing that this person will not make much money at their job no matter how attractive they are. Personality, attitude and a willingness to please are key.
• SuperDude

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  19 years ago

  This issue keeps coming up. Dancers will pounce on you the minute you sit down and hang around until you feel guilty enough to buy a dance. They are preying on your good manners. Maybe a little rudeness is in order--up front. "Please don't sit here, I'm waiting for someone."
• Kyle1111

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  19 years ago

  BTW, my successful strategy was something like "BURN IN HELL" or "GET LOST" or "SCRAM"; but that was only after one of numerous looks were disregarded. The reason the the get lost or drop dead looks were disregarded is because the dancers were real sweet and kind and generous underneath their tough guy persona (some had been partially brainwashed by TV into thinking they just like men). So because we shared very similar cultures I could be very honest. My need for beauty was considered bizarre. The dancers sincerely believed that I was gay and just afraid to admit it to myself. Anyway, it felt wonderful to be me and be liked and to have people I could really care about. There was no problem wasting these dancers' time because we spoke the same language. Hell an outsider might even think we were enemies when the truth is we were very good buddies. :) The dancers were very hurt and angry when they saw that I did indeed like women BIG TIME. Although I wasn't too sensitive back then, it did make me feel low . . . real low and I was already at rock bottom so . . .