tuscl

I'm a Catholic so I can tell this joke

motorhead
Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life
 

Four nuns were outside the confessional, waiting their turn to ask forgiveness for their sins.

The first nun went in and said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have put my finger on a man's penis.

The priest said, "Say five Our Fathers and put your finger in holy water."

The second nun went in and said, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have put my hand on a man's penis,"

The priest said, "Say five Our Fathers and put your hand in holy water."

When she heard this, the third nun turned to the fourth and said, "Maybe you should go in first, Sister, since I'll have to sit in it after you gargle.

21 comments

  • ATACdawg
    •
    11 years ago
    Good one, Moto.

    Why don't Baptists have sex standing up?

    Because somebody might see them and think they were dancing.
  • sofaking87
    •
    11 years ago
    Lol!
  • jackslash
    •
    11 years ago
    What do Presbyterians do for foreplay?

    Wash the dishes.
  • sclvr5005
    •
    11 years ago
    Bahahaha! Good stuff!
  • ATACdawg
    •
    11 years ago
    Speaking as a Presbyterian, ROFL.

    Actually, doing everything decently and in order, we first set up a committee to decide who will do the dishes, water temperature, detergent brand and whether we will allow the dishes to air dry or use a towel. It's hard being us ;-)
  • SlickSpic
    •
    11 years ago
    I love me religious jokes. Too bad Pope John Paul II was still was alive. I had a slew of jokes about him.
  • SlickSpic
    •
    11 years ago
    Two nuns on a bike ride and the devil jumps out in the path in front of them. Terrified, one nun asks the other what she should do. The second nun replies "show him your cross". So the first nun yells "GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAAAYYYYYY!!"
  • SlickSpic
    •
    11 years ago
    3 nuns were sitting on a bench when a man walked up and flashed them. 2 of the nuns had a stroke but the last one couldn't reach.
  • SlickSpic
    •
    11 years ago
    Two nuns riding bicycles down a cobbled street, and one turns to the other and says “Do you know, I’ve never come this way before.”
  • Corvus
    •
    11 years ago
    Two nuns were pulled into a dark alley and assaulted. The first nun says "Father forgive them, they know not what they do." The second nun says "This one does!"

    Told to me by a Catholic priest over thirty years ago.
  • ATACdawg
    •
    11 years ago
    Bah-dum!
  • ATACdawg
    •
    11 years ago
    And then there was Sister Mary Catherine who lived an exemplary life. When she died, she met St. Peter at the gate of heaven. Peter said, "Mary Catherine, the big guy says we can send you back for a couple months to see the world if you would like to. All we ask is that you check in once a week."

    MC, effusive with thanks, left on her journey. The first week, she called in. "Oh, thank-you. I'm in Paris this week visiting Notre Dame. It is just so magnificent!"

    So it went for a few weeks. Then, one week, she failed to call in. And the next week, and the next. Peter was beginning to worry. Finally the phone rang, and St. Peter answered with relief.

    "Hey Pete! This here's Cat. I'm in Nawlins!"
  • ATACdawg
    •
    11 years ago
    So God, Jesus and Moses were playing golf one afternoon. Moses lined up his tee shot and lifted a beautiful 250 yard drive right down the fairway. Then Jesus hit his shot, 325 yards and right onto the green. Finally, God took his shot. An absolutely terrible slice into the rough. Suddenly, a muskrat mistaking the ball for a duck egg picked up the ball and ran towards the water hazard. An eagle, spotting his dinner, swooped in and grabbed the muskrat. The sky began to cloud over and as the eagle flew over the hole a lightning bolt struck the eagle who, of course dropped the muskrat who seeing the hole, ran into it carrying the ball.

    "Aww, c'mon Dad," complained Jesus, "We're not playing for money here!"
  • fun12times12
    •
    11 years ago
    I have a horrible catholic joke.

    What's the difference between a pimple and a priest?
    The pimple waits till you're 13 to come on your face.



    Sorry that's bad.
  • bang69
    •
    11 years ago
    @motor & fun12times12 great jokes
  • lopaw
    •
    11 years ago
    A Rabbi and a Priest buy a car together and it's being stored at the Priest's house. One day the Rabbi goes over to use the car and he sees him sprinkling water on it. The Rabbi asked, ''What are you doing?'' The Priest responded, ''I'm blessing the car.'' So the Rabbi said ''Okay, since we're doing that....'' and takes out a hacksaw and cuts two inches off the tail pipe.
  • shadowcat
    •
    11 years ago
    A Priest and a Rabbi go out fishing together. After a couple of hours the Priest says "Boy, I sure could use an alter boy right now". The Rabbi asks "What for?" The Priest replies "Well to fuck him". To that the Rabbi asks "Fuck him out of what?"
  • Tootsie22
    •
    11 years ago
    I have a pretty bad one.

    What do you all a sleepwalking nun?
    A Romin' Catholic!
  • motorhead
    •
    11 years ago
    HaHa :)
  • ATACdawg
    •
    11 years ago
    Good one, lopaw!
  • ATACdawg
    •
    11 years ago
    You know, there is a wonderful atmosphere of religious tolerance these days. Jews are talking to Muslims, Protestants are talking to Catholics and Baptists are talking to each other in liquor stores!


    So, a rabbi, a priest and a Baptist preacher walk into a bar. Wait, that's not right .....
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