I submitted this as an article and it is awaiting approval:
ALABAMA: sex toys are banned
-ancient law in Alabama bans men from attempting to seduce "a chaste woman by means of temptation, arts, deception, flattery or a promise of a marriage."
ARIZONA: perfectly all right for women to go topless in public, since breasts weren't deemed private parts.
CALIFORNIA: illegal for either partner to reach climax before the other during foreplay
CONNECTICUT: forbidding any "private sexual behavior between consenting adults."
FLORIDA: - Two people cannot commit "unusual acts" together.
-illegal to have sexual relations with a porcupine.
-it is an offense to shower in the nude
GEORGIA: sexual intercourse between unmarried couples is illegal
IDAHO: not allowed to engage in any type of public display of affection for more than 18 min.
ILLINOIS: illegal to have sex on your wedding day if you're fishing or hunting in Oblong
INDIANA: oral sex is banned
IOWA: -5 min. time limit to make out- a man in Ames cannot take more than three swallows of beer while hodling his wife in his arms in bed
KENTUCKY: can't marry the same man three time in some Kentucky townships
LOUISIANA: you can streak as long as ou can prove to a court beyond a doubt that you had no "lascivious intent".
MARYLAND: it's illegal to smooch for more than 1 sec (yes 1 second) in Halethrope
MICHIGAN: male drives in Detroit are banned from "ogling" women
-illegal to serenade your girlfriend in Kalamazoo
MINNESOTA: sleeping naked is illegal. illegal for men to have intimate sexual relationships with a live fish (although women, it's perfectly legal)
MISSISSIPPI: men cannot become sexually aroused in public
NEBRASKA: couples sleeping at a hotel must wear the clean, cotton nightshirt provided by the hotel, even when they have sex.
NEW MEXICO; couples in Carlsbad can have sex in their parked car during their lunch break, as long as the curtains are drawn
NEVADA: if you're a member of the Nevada legislature, you cannot conduct business while in session, wearing a penis costume
NEW YORK: women cannot be seen wearing "body hugging clothing" - women can go topless in public, unless it is for "business" reasons
NORTH CAROLINA: it's an offense to have sex in a graveyard - if you're unmarried and you and your lover register yourselves as a "Mr. and Mrs." when checking into a motel, then you're legally considered husband and wife (bigamy, polygamy, the potential criminal consequences are endless"
OHIO: anal intercourse is banned in Cincinnati
OREGON: husbands in Willowdalecan are fined for talking during during intercourse, but theives wives can say whatever they please
TENNESSEE: women in Dyersburg cannot call a man for a date
TEXAS: Flirting is illegal in San Antonio
WASHINGTON D.C. - sexual positions beyond missionary are illegal
WISCONSIN: illegal for a man to fire his gun in Connersville, when his lover reaches climax
WYOMING: sex in a walk-in meat freezer is banned in Newcastle
California, you ROCK! And for those in Minnesota, Washington State and Florida good luck with your private sex lives and keep your PJ's on while sleeping and showering.
Comments
last commentI've been carrying the Golden State on my back for decades.
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FUCK. I'm a criminal. :)
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Just Cincy? What about Columbus???? LMAO
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In NC both anal and oral are 'crimes against nature'.
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What if I happen to be in a meat locker, in Newcastle, WY, and my squaw n I decide to melt the ice? What then?
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I need more details. How is flirting illegal in San Antonio? What do they consider flirting? Whipping a dick out? I can see that being illegal.
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Since San Antonio was founded by Spaniards, and Spaniards fuck anything under the sun, flirting should probably mean anal or such.
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Cincinnati doesn't even have any strip clubs left.
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I am just glad that there are no laws against promethazine
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Probably why meaningful legislation in NEVADA is driven by women legislators. The men are too busy dressing up their dicks.
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Shit, Camby, I hit em with Thorazene.
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No sex with a porcupine in Florida? God damn it!
My question is: who did this that a law needed to be written banning it? What the fuck?
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"MISSISSIPPI: men cannot become sexually aroused in public"
I guess that means no free Viagara under Obamacare
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"FLORIDA:-illegal to have sexual relations with a porcupine."
But sex with an armadillo is ok.
That's just practicing safe sex!
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How about gator?
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"How about gator?"
Hell no. I've heard the sex is pretty good, but when it's over they'll get you into a death roll and it's hasta la vista Tim Tebow.
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It is amazing that state legislators have not taken the time to repeal these laws, or else it would be too embarrassing for them to try, since it would probably be published in local newspapers and might even catch the attention of television stations.
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"It is amazing that state legislators have not taken the time to repeal these laws, or else it would be too embarrassing for them to try, since it would probably be published in local newspapers and might even catch the attention of television stations."
Naw, they are either too busy putting in NEW Sex laws or making sure they are re-elected.
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