Strip Club Lessons In Democracy

3/22/2011 3:21:02 PM

The good ole US of A is in dire straits. Not a bushel full of President Obamas or a harem full of Sarah Palins can get us out of this mess, only we can. The problem is we have become conformists.

While our nation is struggling, strippers -- yes, nude and scantily clad women -- earn more in one day than the average person earns in a week.

Businesses and churches are doing what they can to keep their doors open, yet, strip clubs are thriving.

What can we learn from these entrepreneurial dancers?

At the root of democracy is the slogan: WE THE PEOPLE.

A democracy isn't built upon conformists, but cherishes above all else that a person can put mustard, ketchup, or whatever they damn well please on their hot dog.

We vote, the majority rules, but we're still free to be ourselves. Many Americans have forgotten this, but not strippers.

If any man would honestly define society today, he could say: Society is a bunch of desponding whimperers. We are afraid of truth, afraid of fortune, and afraid of each other.

Strippers on the contrary are afraid of nothing. Moreover, they excel utilizing the bare necessities.

On any given Sunday afternoon a stripper might collect more from one of her patrons than he put in the collection plate at church.

While his plump wife is at home complaining and tallying up the family debt, her husband's lap dancer is showering him with attention and making more money than she can spend.

So, what are some stripper secrets that are applicable to government?

Minimal is good.

Not only is it good, they shake it around in your face.

Basically, they say here is what you get: BOOM, hiney.

Need a bailout? You get hiney. Money for war? More hiney. States need help? Hiney. Foreign countries need aid? Wait right there, here comes Pasha and Mercedes: Double hiney.

And all that, no new taxes, rhetoric, as they say in NYC, "Forget about it."

As the action gets heated up, the girls tax the guys from every angle. The government is broke and mama needs a new Gucci bag.

Wisely, the girls make sure the gentlemen reap the rewards of their tax dollars.

"Buy me a drink?" $10. "Lap Dance?" $30. "Head and neck massage at the table?" $10. "Cigar?" $10-$100. "Buy me off of the stage for an hour?" $450. "Meet after work?" Priceless.

And don't forget about the club's admission fee.

Why doesn't America charge an admission fee?

You want in? Fine, show us two years' worth of income to support yourself, and pay a flat $10,000 per hiney, because that's all you are getting until you've paid into the system for a while.

I know I'm being a bit facetious here, but it is apropos.

In today's society, if a young man flounders in his first enterprise people lose all heart. If a businessman fails they say he is ruined. However strippers are different.

If a beautiful young woman tries all the professions, who sways it, peddles it, farms it, and so forth, and always lands on her feet like a cat; she is worth a thousand of these naysayers.

She does not postpone her life, but lives it already. She has not one chance, but a hundred.

Our government could do the same, but we've left the spark of innovation to the chosen few. By and large, people refuse to do their part.

Take taxes for instance. Nobody wants to pay higher taxes.

Nevertheless: How does a prudent family manage their finances when things are tight?

They quit spending and try to earn more income. The government's income is our collective money, taxes, without which you don't even get hiney.

Without our tax dollars, not only America but the entire global community comes to a screeching halt.

We need more people like these brazen strippers who aren't afraid to put it all out there and break the mold.

A person is worth only as far as they serve. Complacency has our nation heading right down the toilet.

Ralph Waldo Emerson remarked, "A foolish complacency is the hobgoblin of little minds by little statesman."

With conformity a great soul has nothing to do but die.

Instead, stand for humanity, do your part, and at the very least dance your ass off trying.

Michael J. McCarthy lives in Denver. Michael is a member of the Colorado Press Association and the Denver Press Club. Contact at: [email protected]