Both. It's good in the sense that you're not a raging @$$hole who's treating her like dirt. However, it's also a bad thing in the sense that you are also a PL.
more specifically i was recently asked why a "guy like me" was going to strip clubs for. i shrugged it off as she told me she was taking a psychology class. that couldve been a lie too...
While I'm sure I'm the one exception to the rule (*grin*), I tend to agree with OhioVoyeur. I've also been told I look like the kind of guy who could have whoever I want on the outside, so why am I in a strip club? I then look around and selectively find the evidence I need to believe her claim. And it's not hard usually, as there seem to be a lot of PLs in SCs that I deem beneath me. But upon even the smallest reflection, I realize my response more likely reflects a natural human tendency to see ourselves as special when in fact, we're not.
So, I wouldn't take a stripper's comment about how nice you are as necessarily a "bad" message. If you're a gentleman who's polite and well-groomed, you probably do come across as more pleasant than some of your more boorish counterparts. I wouldn't read more into it than that, though, such as she really wants you or you really stick out as heads and shoulders above her other PLs. She's just making you feel special in the moment, and nothing wrong with that.
Recently read a summary of some research employing a video of a man and a woman meeting and talking for the first time.
Majority of men watching the video later said the woman was flirting; majority of women said she was just being nice and sociable.
If you are told you're nice only seconds after you meet a dancer it's just an attempt to engage you for $$$ activities. If it's a dancer you've spent some time with or have talked with on multiple visits it may be her being genuinely nice but without "romantic" implications.
Being told you're "too nice" =? too unassertive to ask for what you want?
"What's a guy like you doing in a SC" = "What's a girl like you doing working in a place like this" Guys are not the only ones who can make lame remarks!
Joker44 - Sounds like an interesting study. I have heard anecdotally that women sometimes err on being a little cold when talking with men they meet, lest their actions get misconstrued as romantic interest.
Also, I was thinking of other situations where there's a presumed closeness or intimacy where really none could, or should, exist. To OhioViewers post, it's usually relative to sales. How many times have I been in a store and a salesperson walks up and acts like he or she is my best friend, often commenting on my presumed intelligence for shopping there or for selecting whatever model/product I'm looking at. And try as I might, I still find it difficult to not want to believe what I'm being told, especially if it's from an attractive saleswoman. That is, of course, until I see her approach another customer with the same warmth and enthusiasm I thought was reserved for my special presence.
Rod 8432 - I believe the observers in the study were told the context of the video was a meet-new-people social situation with the presumed potential of finding a date. From my experience, I agree that in other situations women generally avoid more than fleeting eye contact and do not smile lest the man interpret it as flirting. So much so, that when a women does pay attention in a non-social setting it really stands out.
A young, very attractive pharmacist started addressing me by my first name while she was still attending to other customers. She addressed other regular customers in the same way. Just good customer service I thought.
One day while I was picking up some meds and another pharmicist was waiting on me, this young women looked up from her work and said hello, again using my first name. This time I returned the greeting and for the first time used her first name. In response I got a big bright-eyed smile that lit up her whole face. Just being especially friendly to customers? Perhaps, except for the deep blush on her face that accompanied the smile.
I drove all the way home with a shit-faced grin on my face. Made my day. Isn't it wonderful what a friendly, pretty young woman can do for us older men.
"I have had strippers tell me i am too nice to be a strip club patron."
Higher form of SS intended to get you to retaliate with aggression to prove her wrong and spend a bunch of money on her in the process.
The corollary, "what's a girl like you doing in a place like this?", is intended to cause her to strip naked and f**ck your lights out in appreciation for your indirect assertion that she's worthy of much more.
Joker - Your story reminded me of a Swedish girl I once met who worked behind a deli counter near where I worked. She was charming to say the least, and a knockout in that norther Euro way. It was amazing how many sandwiches I bought at that place over the course of the summer, and I always walked back to my office with a shit-eating grin on my face while thinking, she likes me! I later found out she did, but normally I've found in these situations (e.g., once with a financial adviser and another with a tax consultant - hmmm... maybe a trend?) that they think I'm alright, but as to romantic intentions, no dice. They just treat everyone (or maybe have learned to treat just men) that way.
Yeah, all the time. I think what they mean is I talk to them like they're PEOPLE and don't act like a dick. Ultimately, it's all about the money with them. A dick who spends money will get more attention than a nice guy who doesn't, all things being equal.
Depends on what happens next, I guess. I have been told this MANY times, mainly because I usually don't press their rules and I'm not all grabby hands, etc.
My curr fav, from the beginning, in addition to telling me that I didn't belong in the club because I was "different", she started telling me that "she got nervous" when she danced for me, because she was always too concerned that I was enjoying myself. She didn't want me to watch her on stage 'cause I made her too nervous.
Finally, on my third visit in the club to see her, she asked that I didn't come back to the club any more. She said we should meet outside the club, and she didn't want money to be part of "this". Since then, we have not been in the club together... strictly OTC.
It's a strange thing... she won't take money.. we have a good time...
I've had many compliments and have at times become "close" with some of the hottest dancers. Trust me, I am not some young buck. I believe that there are those dancers that yearn for stability and perhaps there are those that provide it, if only for a short time. I know I don't behave as do most customers. Just an opinion
A favorite was on stage and a couple wannabe gansta's were giving her a hard time - throwing singles at her, making crude comments, etc. I could tell she was getting upset. Finally she turned her back on them, and moved to the rear of the stage.
After they left, I went up to the stage to check on her. When she saw it was me, she threw her arms around me and squeezed tight. She held onto me until her set was over. I waited and escorted her to my seat. She sat in my lap, cuddled up to me, and asked me to hold her tight. We stayed just like that until I had to leave.
She thanked me for being a "nice guy" and said that now that I was leaving, she was going to go hide in the DR.
21 comments
You may want to take a look at the "Nice guy" thread:
http://www.tuscl.net/dt.php?DID=129372
You mean like georgemicrobrain?
So, I wouldn't take a stripper's comment about how nice you are as necessarily a "bad" message. If you're a gentleman who's polite and well-groomed, you probably do come across as more pleasant than some of your more boorish counterparts. I wouldn't read more into it than that, though, such as she really wants you or you really stick out as heads and shoulders above her other PLs. She's just making you feel special in the moment, and nothing wrong with that.
Majority of men watching the video later said the woman was flirting; majority of women said she was just being nice and sociable.
If you are told you're nice only seconds after you meet a dancer it's just an attempt to engage you for $$$ activities. If it's a dancer you've spent some time with or have talked with on multiple visits it may be her being genuinely nice but without "romantic" implications.
Being told you're "too nice" =? too unassertive to ask for what you want?
"What's a guy like you doing in a SC" = "What's a girl like you doing working in a place like this" Guys are not the only ones who can make lame remarks!
Also, I was thinking of other situations where there's a presumed closeness or intimacy where really none could, or should, exist. To OhioViewers post, it's usually relative to sales. How many times have I been in a store and a salesperson walks up and acts like he or she is my best friend, often commenting on my presumed intelligence for shopping there or for selecting whatever model/product I'm looking at. And try as I might, I still find it difficult to not want to believe what I'm being told, especially if it's from an attractive saleswoman. That is, of course, until I see her approach another customer with the same warmth and enthusiasm I thought was reserved for my special presence.
Once a PL, always a PL...
A young, very attractive pharmacist started addressing me by my first name while she was still attending to other customers. She addressed other regular customers in the same way. Just good customer service I thought.
One day while I was picking up some meds and another pharmicist was waiting on me, this young women looked up from her work and said hello, again using my first name. This time I returned the greeting and for the first time used her first name. In response I got a big bright-eyed smile that lit up her whole face. Just being especially friendly to customers? Perhaps, except for the deep blush on her face that accompanied the smile.
I drove all the way home with a shit-faced grin on my face. Made my day. Isn't it wonderful what a friendly, pretty young woman can do for us older men.
@ kingcripple - Please stay away from my club. I'm the nicest guy there and I don't want any competition.
Higher form of SS intended to get you to retaliate with aggression to prove her wrong and spend a bunch of money on her in the process.
The corollary, "what's a girl like you doing in a place like this?", is intended to cause her to strip naked and f**ck your lights out in appreciation for your indirect assertion that she's worthy of much more.
My curr fav, from the beginning, in addition to telling me that I didn't belong in the club because I was "different", she started telling me that "she got nervous" when she danced for me, because she was always too concerned that I was enjoying myself. She didn't want me to watch her on stage 'cause I made her too nervous.
Finally, on my third visit in the club to see her, she asked that I didn't come back to the club any more. She said we should meet outside the club, and she didn't want money to be part of "this". Since then, we have not been in the club together... strictly OTC.
It's a strange thing... she won't take money.. we have a good time...
After they left, I went up to the stage to check on her. When she saw it was me, she threw her arms around me and squeezed tight. She held onto me until her set was over. I waited and escorted her to my seat. She sat in my lap, cuddled up to me, and asked me to hold her tight. We stayed just like that until I had to leave.
She thanked me for being a "nice guy" and said that now that I was leaving, she was going to go hide in the DR.
Contrary to the thoughts of some on here, nice guys don't always finish last.
Being nice doesn't cost a damn thing, but being an ass certainly can!