I was talking to a female acquaintance. She was complaining that she entered into a non emotional booty call relationship with a guy, but several months down the line-wanted an emotional relationship with him.
I complained that several times in the past decade I'd tried those booty call relationships, but suddenly the female wanted more.
Not counting strippers, escorts, or paid professionals, has anyone had the same experience ?
Over the years I have had three. All of them single moms I had known for years. Two got remarried, 1 is still single and we still visit when I travel to PHX. The key for me is that I have never been married and they knew I had no intention of a relationship.
My experience has been the same as Dudester's. While there's much talk in the beginning about it being an emotionally platonic sexual connection, it never stays that way. In fact, it's a quick way to lose an otherwise good female friend, so I strive to never mix the two these days.
On a related note, some girls with whom I've had a short-term sexual/girlfriend connection have morphed into non-sexual friends, usually after a cooling off period. I find these friendships to be gratifying because the factors that worked for our platonic connection are still there, and if anything, the previous sexual connection removed much of the anticipatory sexual tension. We'd already done it, decided it wasn't for us, and could move ahead with an unimpeded friendship.
My problem has been if I meet a new girlfriend who becomes serious, then my existing female "friends" (the ones with whom I've had a sexual history with at some level) seldom are welcomed. They in fact, are shunned, which causes plenty of angst for all of us. And why would the new girlfriend even know? Because generally the minute she meets a female friend, she asks about our history, and I want to be up front and honest - it's after all, what a relationship should be about.
So, I've been both blessed and cursed with having a good ability to make female friends (only some of whom have been previous relationships, and some not). In all cases, they cause some hardship on a new serious relationship (unlike non-threatening male friendships), but the previous sexual ones seem to be deal breakers. This then causes me to be gun shy about starting new potentially serious relationships, for fear of losing my existing friends. I therefore find myself more recently considering the option of remaining relationship-free and simply finding sexual refuge in SCs, AMPs, and the like.
Thoughts?
Fuck buddies are nice while they last. They end when one or both parties get bored with it or when one party wants to take it to a higher level (emotional).
Rod, do you feel threatened by, or competitive with, a new GF's previous sexual relationships? Would it be hypocritical of you to say something on the order of "they're my friends; if you can't deal with that fact, it's your problem, not mine"? Maybe said a little more tactfully. And would you be willing to accept the possible consequences of doing so?
[song] But a prostitute is someone who would love you No matter who you are, or what you look like. Yes, it's true, children. That's not why you pay a prostitute, No, you don't pay her to stay, you pay her to leave afterwards. That's why I pays a lot for prostitutes! Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. James Taylor.
I heard that oftentimes women agree to become fuck buddies because they want a relationship with the guy but are realistic enough to know he wouldn't agree to a normal relationship. Same thing with one night stands; they hope the sex will be the bait to hook the guy into a relationship.
Not surprisingly, this often backfires. Men 1 Women 0.
GMD,
Regarding the reverse (she has male friends who were former relationships), I have encountered that, but nobody emotionally close enough for her to see, outside the occasional party or social gathering where he might happen to show up. And yes, it does create a little angst in me to think about going out socially, even as couples, with a former boyfriend of hers, although I know it's been done. And I think given time, it would become okay.
I did see a woman one time in a Match.com ad write that she has several male friends, some of whom were former boyfriends. If a prospective dater wasn't cool with that, she advised not contacting her. I appreciated her being up front about that, and thought about doing something similar.
snakeplissken, it is 10x easier for a woman to find a fuck buddy than it is for a man.
Men 1 Women 1
The Starblazer females, much better than the Stargirls, IMHO.
Wow after many many years of SC I just started my first fuck buddy and never thought about all this. Just thought I'd see were it takes me. We are both married so it may stay. I also read were these relationships burn out in 12-18 months. I can live with that. I just can't see it lasting as our age difference (over 20 years) and I ain't rich. So do you run if she wants more?
re: "So do you run if she wants more?"
Al69 - Pretty much, yes. I've found that what'll probably happen is you'll meet someone you want to date, go on vacation with, etc., and your fuck buddy will then object. Your reaction of course will be, "But we're just fuck buddies, talked extensively about it, and agreed to our arrangement. I'm not doing anything wrong." She of course won't see it that way, and will claim: A) She never meant or really wanted to do the fuck buddy thing, and only used it as a means to get emotionally closer, B) She doesn't know how you could think that being a fuck buddy meant you could go on with your life as though the fuck buddy didn't exist (e.g., dating) because after all, you guys are fucking, or C) She felt bad about being a fuck buddy and/or changed her mind about your arrangement (but didn't tell you), and now all your canoodling to this point has meant more than simply fucking in her mind, and she now has a claim on how you live your life outside of said canoodling.
So yes, the minute she starts to become possessive, you'll probably want to end it.
All these responses are why I stick with strippers. All they're possessive about is my money, and aren't shy about leaving me along, (aka, kicking me to the curb) when I don't have any. I've got all the emotional satisfaction I need from my wife, and all the pussy I need from strippers. Lately, it's been mostly one stripper, but I don't expect that to last forever. I suppose I could imagine a better life than the one I have right now, but it would involve such unlikely things as immunity to all STDs to get there. :)
I prefer strippers at this stage of the game.
in this down economy a lot of women, of all ages, are looking for a man to lean on for financial support. Of course, it starts as fuck buddies, because sex has always been the hook. Then the needy stuff, shopping, vacations together, spending holidays, meeting the family. Now, she's pregnant. In the far past, that automatically meant marriage. Now, it's a negotiated child support obligation, withholding visitation as ploy to get the ring. "If you want be a real man and real father, you better marry me." A pretty girl is like a bus--another will be along in ten minutes.
Nope, I stick to strippers. While there a several female acquaintances with whom a non-emotion booty call relationship would be a nice thing, my lack of confidence in such remaining so has kept me from pursuing anything more than flirting, albeit outrageously in some cases.