tuscl

Fly the drunken, horny, grabby skies!

Sunday, January 17, 2010 11:08 PM
Five airlines that cater to your every vice. All virtues must be turned off and stowed for takeoff. Smoking: Ryanair: This Irish airline lets you get your nic fix without having to tamper with the bathroom smoke alarms. For 10 bucks you can buy a pack of 10 "smokeless" cigarettes, which look and feel like the real thing but won't inflame the bronchi of the emphysemic senior next to you. Cool! Porn: Alaska Airlines: This is one of the only wi-fi equipped airlines that does not block inappropriate content. So fire up Edward Penishands. It's even better at high altitudes. Booze: Virgin: Richard Branson wants to get you smashed. Virgin Atlantic and V Australia have fully stocked bars, and Virgin America carries absinthe in the beverage cart. Warning: Perusing SkyMall while under the influence may result in a solar-powered tie rack. Caffeine: Austrian Airlines: They offer 11 different types of specialty Viennese coffee drinks. Women: EVA Air: The flight attendants fluffing your pillows are required to be female, slim, single, and under 24, and to have a good complexion. -Maxim

12 comments

  • SnakePlissken
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    14 years ago
    I've flown Austrian Airlines before and they are pretty serious about the coffee, their beer selection though was surprisingly lacking.
  • Dudester
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    14 years ago
    I miss HOOTERS Air
  • samsung1
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    14 years ago
    dudester, did u fly on hooters air? what was it like? I have only read general info on it but not yet a customer review.
  • Dudester
    •
    14 years ago
    Just a quick flight. Good service. Flight Attendants in those Hooters costumes. Good food. Late take off and arrival though.
  • steve229
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    14 years ago
    Sam, Dig the new pic. Looks like our little Amanda is all grow up now. I was telling a dancer the other night that she looked like her.
  • vincemichaels
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    14 years ago
    Samsung1, never heard of EVA air, where do they fly? lol. Ditto on steve's comment about the pic. Maybe she and my Melon Girl can do lap dances for us.
  • samsung1
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    14 years ago
    EVA air is based in Asia although they do fly internationally. Also if you want to see some paparazzi pictures of Amanda Bynes: [view link] So yeah, since legs are pretty much all that come into mind when you think of Amanda Bynes, you'll be happy to know that she was out & about with her ass cheeks hanging out of her workout shorts (if you can call them that). All I gotta say is that I'm really looking forward to warm weather again. Thank the Lord!
  • rob0411
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    14 years ago
    HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place. Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- they don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss? The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women. Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and 'special services.' Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues. This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset. Why didn't Bush or Obama think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself? Sincerely, Bill Clinton
  • Clubber
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    14 years ago
    Thanks for the chuckle, rob0411.
  • MisterGuy
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    14 years ago
    "Flight Attendants in those Hooters costumes." They just had Hooters girls to mingle with the customers & such and real flight attendants for safety purposes. "Dig the new pic. Looks like our little Amanda is all grow up now." Looks like she's using quite the push-up bra as well.
  • ericsacto2
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    14 years ago
    "Flight Attendants in those Hooters costumes." If they did the safety instructions, I'm sure all eyes would be on them.
  • MisterGuy
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    14 years ago
    "If they did the safety instructions, I'm sure all eyes would be on them." They didn't do them though, since they were never trained to that level in the first place. The Hooters girls were just there for eye candy...nothing more, nothing less.
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