Any other married guys here who have regretted getting extras?
So far I've resisted temptation, but every time I go I reconsider.
As far as my definitions: I consider penis out of the pants to be an extra. A HJ in the pants are just a good LD. Not sure about a HJ using a hand in the pants, that's a grey area! :)
I'm married, but never have had extras. Hell, I've only been to one! But I'll be going to more, since the wife got a new job requiring lots of travel. Going next week actually. Anyway, I'd probably decline any extras that aren't a HJ through the pants. Probably not a concern of mine, though...from all I can gather, the clubs here in Pittsburgh are pretty strict!
Been married for 19 years, one wife for 9 and the second for 10. I don't seek out the extras but if they fall in my lap, I'm not opposed to partaking.
I've been married for many years and my sex drive is much higher than my wife's. The SC scene provides me with the sexual release I need which includes a good LD or extras. No regrets.
EDOG65 pretty much sums it up, and I think that is just generally how men are.
I like good morality questions...I think this question can be answered a thousands ways...no 'right' answer here. Personally, I take the advice of an old boss of mine...keep it in your pants and your AOK.
Some women believe going to a club is cheating. My ex-wife made a big issue of it, even though I did not take extras.
It is easy for a woman to turn down sex. She's been getting hit on from every guy she knows since the 12th grade. Men on the other hand, find it hard to turn down sex.
I remember reading T-pain's secret to his marriage was to go to the strip club with his wife. They would have threesomes to keep their sex life interesting but he would never bring a women he wife did not want.
Morality questions aside, I'm wondering how the married men who do partake, manage also to "keep up their relationship" with the wife. Don't questions arise, such as -- personal sense of trustworthiness (you know she doesn't want you to do it, but you do it anyway, so then how do you "make a good showing" to the wife, keeping a straight face?), sexually transmitted disease risks, spending time away from the wife, being less (or more) interested in the wife's sexual appeal in inexplicable patterns, etc.
I really don't want to judge men who both (a) have a married partner (the WIFE) but also (b) have sex with other women. Really, it's their choice, and I think a forum like this one here should support men's choices in these matters. What I'm asking, instead, is, how do you get away with it? Not only, as regards getting away with fooling your wife; but also, as regards, getting away with talking to yourself, perceiving yourself. Is there guilt? Worry? More stress? Less? No big deal? Huge deal that you have to organize your entire life around?
See where I'm going? I'm interested in the practical consequences (and I really HOPE nobody turns this into a morality-bashing or morality-trumpeting thread, because I'm genuinely interested in some of the answers).
Looking is like a diet. Just because you're on a diet, doesn't mean you can't look at the menu.
This is an interesting question ---now lets look at it from a different angle -How manyof the customers at SCs are married? If they are married when do they go to the club - I see a lot of busi essman type their in the afternoon and how do you explain the money to your wife along with phone calls, etc from your ATF?
Regrets? no.
I'm a married woman and I've never really sought out extras, but they are often offered, and I rarely say no. Regrets? Not really. I treat my "wife" very well and we get along fine. I need the variety offered by other women, and a stripclub provides this quite nicely.
No regrets at all. Wish I had done it sooner. My only real concern has been keeping spending within budget.
I was married for 27 years. During the first 24 years, I occasionally went to a strip club, with the guys, but just strictly for eye candy. I really wasn't even aware that extras were available. During the last 3 years, I cheated like a mother fucker. It was part of my plan to piss her off enough to ask me for a divorce.My stash of condoms and Viagra was not discreetly hidden. She confronted me. I refused to answer her. My plan worked. It was an out of court settlement. No regrets.
I guess it depends on the relationship. My wife and I had done some swinging in college and she had a long-term lover so getting extras is not a big deal.
I had never been in an SC, but was curious so when my wife left town on business I visited one. I told a dancer who approached me that I was married and didn't know if I was comfortable getting an LD or not. She said, "If I was out of town I wouldn't have a problem with my bf getting a few LD's" LOL! I'm thinking, honey, you are probably a little more liberal than my wife... besides the obvious self-interest in the advice!
Another favorite "morality" story: I told a dancer once that if my wife even knew I was in a SC she would kill me. With a completely straight face, she said "If I see anything in the paper about you getting killed, I'll tell the police they should be looking at your wife" as if this was supposed to reassure me! LOL! But it also made me realize this woman lived in a completely different world from me... a world where the expression "she would kill me" is not just an expression. Kinda scary.
Humans only have seven (or so) biologically programmed drives.
For thought, if you were hungry and your wife/partner/SO was not, would it be OK for you to eat on your own if a) your eating did not diminish her quality of life (you didn't eat the last bit of food in the house), b) your eating alone did not prevent you from enjoying a meal with her when you were both hungry? c) you didn't contract any disease while eating that you subsequently transmitted to your SO? Would it matter if you ate alone or with a friend?
When I pose a similar line of questioning to all the other biological drives (except #7, sex) I arrive at a similar conclusion-- it seems to be OK to quench your thirst, breathe air, take a nap, put on a sweater when cold, etc. without the participatation or permission of a SO as long as your actions have no (or limited) impact on the other's rights and quality of life.
However, when we arrive at #7, sex, we seem to apply a different set of social standards. There may well be very good reasons for this different set of standards: the need to control reproduction (something that birth control has resolved to a certain extent; 2) the implications of sexual liaisons for emotional attachment and relationship commitment. But if those reservations can be circumvented--- why not? I know its a rationalization and most rationalizations have flaws but it is worth consideration if you are in a relationship where your sexual needs are not being met (and some might argue that novelty, as in partners or activities, is a powerful need in the sexual domain) and you are contemplating an affair or a SC or SP visit.
Electronman,
And I thought Plato was a great philosopher. I think I like your thinking! :-)
speaking in general I think women have a lower sex drive than men do. So controlling food, water, or oxygen isn't feasible. but they CAN control our sex, so that's what they use to try and control us. it's bullshit but it's better than pain control.
Electronman, you can rationalize all you want, but I think it comes down to the spoken or unspoken agreement you have with your wife/SO. Everybody knows if they are breaking that understanding or not, or what the understanding allows. Go outside of what is allowed and she will be justifiably pissed.
Book Guy,
It can get to be a big deal. The other day I was simultaneously exchanging text messages with two dancers and talking to my wife on the phone. I was getting confused who was who.
I thought a hobby was supposed to be fun - this is getting to be like work.
I've heard of wives that think if their husbands view porn, it's cheating. Crazy!
I've heard of husbands who think that if their wives eat dessert it's cheating ... ON HER DIET. :)
As a married man I say no extras is regrettable!
I would certainly consider a HJ in the pants an extra in my book.
Disclaimer: The rationalization offered above is intended for married men who are struggling to justify extras. If you try the argument with your SO, let the rest of us know how many nights you sleep on the couch before your SO talks with you again! When it comes to sex and relationships, logic often doesn't prove as persuasive as emotion.
To each his own.
I'm a married man and I recently went for a friends bachelor party. i couldnt even do the LD. I found looking at the women awesome but i thought even a LD was cheating.