Civies vs. on-the-clock

The comment about LDs being demeaning is a very interesting one.

I was raised by liberal parents, I have a couple of sisters who are feminists. If they knew I was visiting strip clubs they would probably disown me! I used to think stripping and prostitution were demeaning. Even in the feminist community, however, there is a split over whether prostitutes should be chastised for demeaning all women or whether true "equality" and "freedom" means being able to sell your body for a living if you want to or need to. I now fall into the latter category.

I think it's interesting that some dancers who don't do extras really look down on those who do... calling them whores, etc. Like there's really a difference between grinding on a guy's mr. happy and trying to give a happy ending in his pants as opposed to somewhere else... seems like kind of a fine line to me.

I had a dancer tell me once, "half these girls are on drugs, and all of them have got something going on in their heads or they wouldn't be here." She was a philosophy major!

I honestly believe there are different kinds of strippers. There's no question some hate it and find it demeaning. I know a 40ish dancer, mother of 3 teenagers, who started dancing years ago after getting divorced, and now feels trapped, been out of the "real" workplace too long to get a decent job. Part of the problem is she wants a job that pays as well as dancing... to keep herself and her kids in the lifestyle they're used to. Hard to do. Says she hates the club, hates how the customers can act... but even she says things like "doing dances can be fun if you like the customer." We like to go to the VIP because it's the only place in the club where you can actually converse. She sits on my lap and we talk. Sometimes she pretends she's giving a dance... plus she likes to make fun of the other dancers and the things they'll say like "OMG your pecks are enormous... I've never felt a bulge that large before... you're making me so hot!!!" She also looks around at the other dancers giving extras, and says "I think it eats up their souls after awhile".

On the other hand, I think there are some dancers who do actually enjoy what they're doing. They get off on being a "bad girl", and enjoy the sexual power they hold over the customers. Or, maybe I'm just an idiot and they're just really good actors.

I agree that once you've established a "real" relationship with a dancer, you can expect her to stop by on the way in/out and have a real exchange. Just because she does, however, doesn't mean it is a "real" relationship. I had a dancer say hi to me on the way in once, and say "don't let any of these bitches steal you away before I get back out", but it was just SS.

Every one of us gets dances from strippers who find it demeaning. Who are we kidding? You have to know that a large share of them feel that way about their work. They just do a good job of hiding it, because they know that's the only way they can make money off of us. The impression that they're cool with it all is a fantasy.

gk,

I stand by what I said, and if you read what I stated, "To me that would be demeaning.", that is my opinion, not gospel!

Just wondering about one of the comments above. Is it not so much that the dance from a dancer friend would be demeaning to to her, but rather the dance from a stripper friend would no longer be necessary. There's a big difference between the two and perhaps that might be a better description. I know in my case that became true in one particular instance.

Like others have said. Dancers that know me well will stop by before before going to the dressing room and when getting ready to leave. The ones that don't know me, ignore me.

harrydave,

Good thing we don't all feel the same way about things. Sure would be a boring world!

That's a really interesting comment about a dance being demeaning to a stripper turned friend. I have not felt that way. But I don't think of dances being demeaning for any of the girls. If I'm getting vibes that the girl doesn't feel comfortable giving dances, or otherwise doesn't want to exchange sexual contact for money, it's unlikely I will spend time with her.

steve and gk,

Actually, the opposite was true in my case. I met this lovely Asian dancer and received a few great dances from her. He started to talk and eventually she became my ATF. As time went on I no longer got dances from her. The relationship moved from customer/dancer to friends. Perhaps you would, but I wouldn't have a friend dance for me. To me that would be demeaning.

It's been said that this happens all over, and I agree. But here's what all of us can learn from it:

It separate stripper ship from real, believable conversation. It separates your true dancer friends and ATFs from everyone else.

"Everyone else" may pretend to to be interested in you, may give the the stripper ship talk about how it's always nice to see you or the BS about being interested in what you've been doing, etc.--but it's often SS. But when you've truly established a relationship with a dancer, there's no stripper shit, so you can count on her being basically honest with you. And the true dancer friends that you have a relationship with will always acknowledge you at the least or give you a hug and a kiss in this situation. So if you're ever wondeering where you really stand, this is one clue.

Steve229-- re "a sypathetic ear...leads to hot dances.
Absolutely. The hottest dances I get are from girls who know I take an interest in what's happening in their lives. One even remarked recently she noticed how I shut down dancers who who I really don't care for but who nevertheless try to make that personal break through. You just can't do that with all of them!

Back on the specific question--I do think it's OK to be off-the-clock. It's just fun to be around enough to catch all these habits and nuances.

It depends on the club. At my favorite club, they will come up to you and say hello or goodbye, this despite the fact they can go directly from the dressing room to the exit without even being noticed in the main part of the club. On the other hand, at a couple other clubs, they will ignore you completely.

harrydave said:
"and listen as they unloaded in that special feminine way"

I've noticed lately that lending a sympathetic ear so a favorite can vent has lead to some hot dances afterward.

In my experience, either they are out of the club like a bat out of hell or at a few clubs I've talked to a dancer before in casual attire while they were waiting for a bouncer to walk them out of the club. I've never ran into any strippers tude when they were off the clock, but that should be the way it is after all we could be a potential customer regardless.

When I was a regular at one club in Phoenix, a few of the girls there would socialize before or after their shift. Not surprisingly, this only happened after I spent time there and demonstrated I was not a stalker, loud drunk, cheapskate, bipolar, or smelly. It helped that I would show some interest in their life (i.e,. put on hold my "greenvegas" persona), and listen as they unloaded in that special feminine way. ;-)

I have never made the time commitment at other clubs, but the club cultures vary, and at another club in Phoenix I see only limited socializing. I think management frowns on it.

If my favorites see me they say hi or give me a hug. Keep in mind that when they enter the club their eyes need to adjust to the darkness. On top of that most just make a beeline to the dressing room as fast as possible.

I am occasionaly at the club when one of my ATFs finishes her shift at 7:00pm. She invariably comes by my table to give me a good-bye hug and kiss before she leaves. It is a powerful reminder of why I keep coming back.

I have seen it both ways. Rarely has a regular and familiar dancer completely blown me off when coming or going if we make eye contact. Some will stop on the way out to say goodbye and give me a hug. I think some girls feel self conscious when eating, so I wouldn't take those incidents in the same way as just being ignored. In upscale or really intimate clubs, there may be pressure from management to save the interactions for business time. In a funky, informal place like Gatsby's in Canton, OH, I have seen girls dressed to leave who hung around to have drinks and ended up dancing and peeling off their street clothes for a few extra bucks. That can be pretty hot if its the right girl.

Can't say I have. As I recall, any dancer I knew would always at least say hello or wave. My ATF would always come over and give me a hug and kiss. I always enjoyed the reaction of the others in the club that didn't know us. You know, the old guy and the hottie!

I was at Christie's Cabaret in Bruinswick, OH and this happened 3 times throughout the night. The dancers would come in with food/drink from the fast food place or the gas station across the street and sit in a table in a corner on the main floor and eat with their street clothes on. One of the dancers smiled at me when she walked past but never said anything. It was me that started the conversation of "why don't u just eat the food and drink that they serve here at the SC?". She laughed and told me what a rip off the food and drink is at this place so she just goes across the street. She later wanted me to buy $20 air dances after she went to the locker room to change...

Maybe they are shy and lack confidence in their street clothes but feel sexy and hot in their work clothes? Or maybe they do really hate customers and only want to talk to us when there is money making potential. The really smart ones know that more business would happen later if you are willing to talk to them off the clock.

Some of the Providence clubs I go to....especially Satin Doll and Sportsmen, the girl chat you on the way in and out, but not true for the upscale clubs. But you can't blame, they don't know who's psycho and who's not, and who might misintepret a friendly..."non-professional" confrontation. These girls have to be very "stalker aware", and unveiling the illusion (talking to CUSTOMERS, not friends, not pals, not confidantes while IRL (in real life) clothes shatters the illusions.

And besides, you don't know the rules of the club.

Yes that's particularly evident in clubs without separate entrances for the gals. If they're having a slow night, the gals can change and hit the road early which further deflates the atmosphere as they walk through the club to leave.

Still felt like hitting up one hottie for a dance eventhough she was in civies. Would a club allow that?

I noticed the same thing at Mons Venus on every visit. I think the attitudes you encountered are the same the world over gk.

Let me make it clear. Off the clock these girls think you are a total douche bag so why speak? You are money. Nothing more. How obvious could it be. Lol at you you asshole! You are wondering why off duty strippers don't hang with you. BECAUSE THEY DON'T LIKE YOU. How hard is that to see??

How many of us stand around and talk on our way to work or on our way home after work?