What They Really Mean: Stripperspeak-to-English Translations

chandler failed as a writer in the real world, so now squanders his days posting inane crap like this on strip club message boards.

Stripperspeak: I have a drunk driving charge coming up.
Translation: Can you help me with legal fees? Can you represent me for free?

Stripperspeak: I just finished my GED.
Translation: I quit high school when I got pregnant.

Stripperspeak: I went to Houston for the SuperBowl and had a blast?
Translation: I escort on the side.

Stripperspeak: What work do you do?
Translation: I am measuring your net worth.

Stripperspeak: You don't look that old.
Translation: Look, old fart, I'll pretend you're a young stud if that gets me into your wallet.

Stripperspeak: You’re very distinguished looking
Translation: You’re old, but you look like you have money.

Stripperspeak: You’re such a nice guy.
Translation: You are PL material. Do you want to be my regular?

Stripperspeak: I’m really glad to see you tonight.
Translation: My tanning bill is due.

most of the strippers I see speak spanish or portugese, can you please translate again? I also dont think they ever took stripperspeak in their country, their closest course study was "the ins and outs of prostitution 101"

Stripperspeak: I'll call you tonight
Translation: I'll forget about you five seconds from now

Stripperspeak: Maybe we can go out to dinner
Translation: Make me an offer. Include several zeros

Stripperspeak: I'm really religious
Translation: I go to church on Easter, and Christmas. Whew !!

Stripperspeak:Do you want my phone number?
Translation: I want exclusive rights to your wallet

Stripperspeak: That girl is dirty.
Translation: That girl makes more than me.

Stripperspeak: oh wow, you're really big.
Translation: I can inflate more than your penis.

Stripperspeak: I had an erotic dream about you.
Translation: She figures its about time for her to get some more of your money, especially if you have been a generous regular.

Stripperspeak: I need $170 to get my car out of impound (she says this to you at club after you spent $120 on dances with her).
Translation: She was recently arrested (shoplifting or soliciting) and is hoping you make her an offer for otc as her sleazebo BF is a broke, xcon druggie. Be preared to take her after the session to impound place to get her car and spend 2 hr of your time. Good luck in getting home to wife in time for dinner.

Stripperspeak: I only made $20 all day today.
Translation: You look like a mullet who will believe that and empty your wallet to her.

Stripperspeak: I have to go back to dressing room to talk to them about tipout. (after you spent your wad on dances with her)
Translation: She knows she has taken all your money and wants to go back in the dressing room and hide until your gone.

Stripperspeak: Oh, Michael (supposed x BF, the father of her 4th child) is just staying there with me, Dad, and the kids (in one BR apt). Its just platonic with Michael. I just tell him I am working for you doing typing for your business when we go off (otc sessions at $200 POP)....but we sure appreciate your help.

Translation: Michael is living with her and doing her - your money is supporting them. He is knowingly or unkonwingly pimping her out and she is probably too embarrassed to tell others the real reason she is seeing you. Notice she said we - Michael probably knows the real reason but doesn't care. Being the sleazebo bum he is he's just glad to have a place to stay and free pussy. Sooner or later, he will find a job, they will move to better digs, and she will dump you. Don't pay her money for services nonperformed no matter how revved up the drama!

Stripperspeak: I just can't do our session today, my wisdom teeth are giving me such pain. I just don't know what I am going to do about the rent. Michael and I have been fighting and I am about to lose all my stuff when we are evicted, I feel so depressed (tears).

Translation: She is about to dump you and wants your money without performing services as a grand finale hustle. Simply walk away. The "Wisdom Teeth" thing has been pulled on me twice and was the ending bell for both relationships as I simply walked away. This example is from a gal I had done 75 times. All good things come to an end.

All of these are from real situations I have exprienced.

Stripperspeak: "I'm going back to freshen up a bit".

Translation: She's going back to do some texting/cellphone calls, drugs, do her GF Dancer, or all of the above.

g-fan: As long as your Spanish strippers don't say "coma mi mierda", I guess you'll be doing OK.

After you already got dances from one of your hot favorites and she comes back.

"You know you want another dance from me." Then a sad face when the answer looks like no.

She can't figure out why not very many guys are buying dancers from her and would have bugged you more when you said you wanted to stop at just two dances.

I didn't tell her she didn't quite smell that great. On the good side you couldn't smell her unless you were within a foot or two away. However when she sits on your lap and asks, you know she smells.

meant to say buying dances not dancers, no edit feature here.

here's some contributions:

Spanish Stripperspeak: Te Mamo la vierga de mui dinhero
Translation: I want to suck your dick for alot of money

Spanish Stripperspeak: Tu quiero hacete cojer
Translation: You want to go and get fucked

Spanish Stripperspeak: Vamos a em borrachar esta noche
Translation: Let's go and get drunk tonight

Stripperspeak: "Yes."
Translation: "For a price."

Stripperspeak: "No."
Tranlsation: "For a higher price."

Stripperspeak: Do you have a card?
Translation: I will be calling you to come to the club when I need
your money.

Stripperspeak: My cell phone was cut off.
Translation: I had no intentions of calling you back.

Stripperspeak: Could you give me a ride home?
Translation: I know you won't attack me and I don't have cab fare.

Stripper: I told my mom about you.
Translation: I will never, ever, ever, have any sort of sex with you.

DoctorDarby - so that's what "I told my mom about you" means...Damn.

I can attest that, oddly enough, "I told my grandma about you" doesn't mean that.

Uh Chandler, I did not want to hear that.

Come to think of it, in a club with TUSCL_Bro last night, one of the "girls" twice told me she was a grandmother. Anyway, I did the math, 16+16=32, which was about right. Like mother, like daughter.

How so? Was it the sex with a 22-year-old stripper or tha fact that she talked to her grandmother?

Stripperspeak: I had cervical cancer
Translation: I have the STD: HPV (and probably others)

scary but true twice, once in NC, once in Tampa

T-Bro - I had been hoping that "I told my mom about you" meant "for the right price my mom and I will do you."

As best I remember, the actual conversation (19 year old dancer with 39 year old mom) went like this:

Her: I told my mom about you.
Me: Really?
Her: She said you sound very interesting.
Me: Do you and your mom look alike?
Her: Like sisters, except she has bigger boobs.

@steve229 (no dot) soo, she was trying to hook you up with her mom. And this stripper is about 24/ 25 now. So where is she dancing?

Haha, this thread brings back memories...no idea if she is still dancing

P.S. Just goes to show - like most things, the genuine original thread is always better than a cheap, knock-off imitation