How (and when) to say no to a stripper

I'm sure I'm the only one this has ever happened to. I went to a strip club, had my eye on a stripper, and another stripper walked up to me and asked me if I'd like a lapdance. And while we're playing things-that-didn't-happen-for-$200, maybe she told me in a seductive voice what a lapdance with her would be like, including where I could touch her, where she would touch me, and then demonstrating how.

She was making it hard to say no. And it's not like she was unattractive. She just wasn't what I was looking for that night. But she was a sure thing, and the girl I had my eye on was with another customer. And I'm a shy, introverted type. When I hesitated, she turned on all her seductive charms, and every passing second made it harder to say no.

You know what happened next. I didn't say no. And even though she promised a lot of fun, she was just okay. I've had worse times with a stripper, but I've definitely had better.

So how do you say no when she's not what you're looking for, but you're afraid she might be your best bet that night?

First, let's cover what to say to her and how, and what to say to yourself.

All you need to say to her is this: No thank you.

Seriously, that's all you need to say. A lot of guys say a bit more than that. I certainly have. And it's usually a mistake. Another common thing guys tell other guys to say is: No thanks, I'm good. The problem with that is it implies you're just there to have a drink and maybe watch stage dances. You don't want word getting around that you're only there for stage dances if you're actually looking for more contact.

Your natural inclination may be to say: Maybe later. The problem with that is it invites her to come back and ask again. And you know Murphy's Law. If you decide you want her to come back, she won't. If you don't want her to come back, she'll be back, probably more than once.

If you really do want her to come back, just be honest and say you'd like that but aren't ready yet, can she come back in 30 minutes. Or however long you need.

But if you just aren't interested, the best thing to say is no thank you. I guarantee, even the one you're eyeing gets told no. If you're a sensitive guy and you're afraid of hurting her feelings, saying more is only going to make it worse.

Just say no thank you.

For a lot of guys this is easy and I'm sure lots of them will say just that in the comments. But they aren't everyone. So what do you tell yourself?

Assuming there are more than two girls working that night, you have other choices besides those two. Some guys won't even get a lapdance until they've had a chance to see the night's lineup. There have been times I've gotten private dances with girls who were honestly my second choice. Sometimes the best girl was with one of her regulars, or was at the end of her shift. In that situation you can probably land someone who's almost as good. I have. But if you're in a club that's a 7up factory, don't feel like you have to settle for the 6 just because she approached you.

So if someone who's just not it is hounding you for dances, it's OK to say no. You have other options. And I've had hot strippers who offered me extras confide to me that guys say no to them. They just weren't what that guy was looking for that night. Maybe they were a 9 or 10 to me but a 6 or 7 to those other guys.

Counterintuitively, if you're the kind of guy who worries about only getting one chance, you're the kind of guy who probably has a lot of chances. Strippers like shy, quiet, and nervous guys. The reason is simple. Guys like that tend to be respectful, follow rules, and don't cause drama. They're also less likely to say no, and even hot, extras-willing strippers get told no sometimes.

So if you're at the stage and you tip, you follow the rules, you smile back when she smiles at you, and you make eye contact with her before you look down at what she's showing you, she's going to put you on her mental list of guys to approach for a dance. If you want a sure thing, when she stops in front of you and you tip her, ask her if you can talk about a dance. It's easier than asking directly for a dance, but even though you only asked to talk about a dance, she's probably going to offer you one.

Bottom line: Don't feel bad about saying no thank you to a stripper who isn't what you're looking for that night, especially if you haven't been there very long and haven't seen everyone that's working. More likely than not, there's another stripper there that night who is much closer to what you're looking for, and if one stripper offered you a lapdance, most of the other strippers working that night are likely to be willing to give you a lapdance (and maybe more) too.