My Foray Into Stardom as a Male Stripper
Muddy
USA
I'll often be in strip club sitting back watching the girls dance on stage and wonder to my self "You know, what does she got that I don't got? I can get up there too, I can dance the night away like no one else can" I was watching this matriarchy, one gender having total and complete control on industry. I knew I had break through. It would be difficult, arduous. And I knew full well that absolutely nobody had any sexual interest in me whatsoever so it would be an uphill battle. See some people want dream of being the QB on a superbowl winner, playing centerfield for Dodgers, winning the master's, owning a Ferrari, having an orgie with 10 swedish blondes, not me...no I've always dreamt of strutting my stuff, busting a move, getting in the groove, baking and shimmy shaking my bikini wearing ass under a spinning disco ball while everyone around watches jaw dropped in shock and awe while Donna Summer plays in the background. Also big, hairy gut firmly out and being utilized in a truffle shuffle esque fashion. All the guys would be like "OMG he is SO SEXY"...and all the girls too, yeah all the girls would say that too don't get wrong. John Travolta was my hero growing up, I would always daydream to myself, "gee wouldn't it be great apply suntan lotion all over hi-Uh I mean wouldn't be great to strut in unison with him through Bensonhurst again" When I finally take the stage, there would be no dispute, I would be the Queen-er I mean King of the night, yes the King.
Let me start from the beginning. I felt I was always destined for work in the strip club from a very early age. Right now I'm living in the dumpster behind my local strip club so you could say I grew up in this world. Or at least grew up in the back parking lot dumpster of this world. Either way I had a front row to seat to what was going on in the strip club world, as long as I had the top flap open at least, you got to real raise the roof move on it otherwise it comes back down on you.
Night one. I had been training for this night my whole life. That bitch Nikki was up on stage I knew it was showtime, I would have to outshine the hottest girl and really put on an End of Dirty Dancing type show onstage in order to prove my mettle against one of the best around. Dangerous too, she was wizard on that pole. I was standing in a corner of the club, extremely intense look on my face, staring down my foe, wearing a trench coat with my bikini on underneath as to not alert staff that I was about make my move. I sprint for the stage and began to flap my bird wings and caw as two herons would duel each other. I think I was able to gain the edge as Nikki began to scream at the top of her lungs. I don't remember too much else after as I was immediately tackled on stage by security and had the living shit beat out me. After I awoke in the hospital, I knew I couldn't give up and had to give it another shot.
The next day I knew I needed help. There was some drunk guy passed out on the street, as he came to, he mentioned of being a male dancer back in the day. I enlisted his help to coach me right then and there and made him my mentor. Him. http://images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/4…
We entered another club (I was banned from the previous one) on the next night, this time as a showdown with a stripper with some serious moves named Blueberries, She would even do back flips, a gymnast on the pole and known as the best dancer west of the Mississippi. Well I fancied myself the best dancer east of the Mississippi. It was on. The strip club house mom, was actually a guy and looked intense as fuck https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/thekar… but it wasn't going to intimidate me.
I dropped my trench coat yet again and hopped onstage unprompted. Body oil and hairspray dripping all over the place. The sight of me in my spandex must've been so stunning, sexy and glorious that it sent most of the patrons screaming while running for the door. I began to can can down the stage, then copied move for move whatever I saw that movie Breakin'. I figured Blueberries would try to match my stuff and we would have a dance off, but she must've been so intimidated she just stepped off the stage and said "woah wtf?!?!?" I knew this was it, a stage all mine, all club all mine and all eyes were on me (well to be honest there was only one drunk stooped over guy left in the club that hadn't yet stormed out, but I think he was looking my way) I took to the pole climbed up to the tippy top, just as about as I made it there, the police had come and shot me in my naked ass with a tranquilizer dart, as I began to fall to the ground, I had heard that one guy left in the club giving a slow clap during my descent...I knew in this moment that I had made it, all the dreams, all the sweat, all the tears, it had all ended up paying off. For in this year, in this month, in this week on this very night, I had finally made it as male stripper. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_pzk83l…
Let me start from the beginning. I felt I was always destined for work in the strip club from a very early age. Right now I'm living in the dumpster behind my local strip club so you could say I grew up in this world. Or at least grew up in the back parking lot dumpster of this world. Either way I had a front row to seat to what was going on in the strip club world, as long as I had the top flap open at least, you got to real raise the roof move on it otherwise it comes back down on you.
Night one. I had been training for this night my whole life. That bitch Nikki was up on stage I knew it was showtime, I would have to outshine the hottest girl and really put on an End of Dirty Dancing type show onstage in order to prove my mettle against one of the best around. Dangerous too, she was wizard on that pole. I was standing in a corner of the club, extremely intense look on my face, staring down my foe, wearing a trench coat with my bikini on underneath as to not alert staff that I was about make my move. I sprint for the stage and began to flap my bird wings and caw as two herons would duel each other. I think I was able to gain the edge as Nikki began to scream at the top of her lungs. I don't remember too much else after as I was immediately tackled on stage by security and had the living shit beat out me. After I awoke in the hospital, I knew I couldn't give up and had to give it another shot.
The next day I knew I needed help. There was some drunk guy passed out on the street, as he came to, he mentioned of being a male dancer back in the day. I enlisted his help to coach me right then and there and made him my mentor. Him. http://images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/4…
We entered another club (I was banned from the previous one) on the next night, this time as a showdown with a stripper with some serious moves named Blueberries, She would even do back flips, a gymnast on the pole and known as the best dancer west of the Mississippi. Well I fancied myself the best dancer east of the Mississippi. It was on. The strip club house mom, was actually a guy and looked intense as fuck https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/thekar… but it wasn't going to intimidate me.
I dropped my trench coat yet again and hopped onstage unprompted. Body oil and hairspray dripping all over the place. The sight of me in my spandex must've been so stunning, sexy and glorious that it sent most of the patrons screaming while running for the door. I began to can can down the stage, then copied move for move whatever I saw that movie Breakin'. I figured Blueberries would try to match my stuff and we would have a dance off, but she must've been so intimidated she just stepped off the stage and said "woah wtf?!?!?" I knew this was it, a stage all mine, all club all mine and all eyes were on me (well to be honest there was only one drunk stooped over guy left in the club that hadn't yet stormed out, but I think he was looking my way) I took to the pole climbed up to the tippy top, just as about as I made it there, the police had come and shot me in my naked ass with a tranquilizer dart, as I began to fall to the ground, I had heard that one guy left in the club giving a slow clap during my descent...I knew in this moment that I had made it, all the dreams, all the sweat, all the tears, it had all ended up paying off. For in this year, in this month, in this week on this very night, I had finally made it as male stripper. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_pzk83l…
Adjudicators
Want 4 weeks free VIP to tuscl?
Write an article
4 comments
And I got pics of the final dance off that’s me on the right https://resize-media.festival-cannes.com…
SJG
No doubt, it was a slow, one-handed clap.
Or, maybe, he was clapping for the bouncers and police....
Or, maybe, he had the clap.
Pretty good comedic essay, lol.
If Donna Summer music can’t make you seem sexy, it might be a lost cause.