How Strip Clubs Helped Me Build Confidence
ei9htball
In college, those zero social skills resulted in some pretty cringeworthy moments. One time, a girl asked to sleep over knowing that my none of my roommates were there. We watched a movie on the couch, and she tried to get close. It wasn't that I was too scared to look at her or put my arm around her (though I probably was that too), it was that I was so stupid, that the thought of doing so never even crossed my mind. When the movie finished, I setup a blanket and pillow for her to sleep on it. I became that nice guy friend that girls would turn to when their boyfriends were being shitty.
Post college, my friend introduced me to strip clubs. He would go all the time, and spent hundreds and hundreds of dollars each visit. At the time, I couldn't afford anything close, so usually I was hanging out at the table waiting for him. I remember the feeling when girls sat down next to me, starting the small talk, working their way to selling a dance, and then seeing how fast they would leave when I said 'I'm good,' knowing that I couldn't afford them. Sometimes my friend bought me dances to get me involved, and it would be dead silence with the girl until a "thanks" at the end. I decided that while I was there, I would try to prolong the small talk so I didn't sit alone while my friend was getting dances. Over the course of many future visits, I became better at the chatter. At this time, I was able to afford dances, but I didn't see the value in them, so I stuck with drinks. I became that guy that girls sat with to hang out with over some drinks (something I was willing to buy) when the club was slow.
Fast forward to today - my job requires meeting new clients and checking in with my staff. I find that a lot of the conversation starters and finishers that I used in the strip clubs are the same ones I used today.
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It's left me for the better. And brought my out of (former) introverted shell.
I think strip-clubs can help these type of guys at least be able to start coming a bit out of their shell – it’s not the end-all-be-all but it’s better than not having that/any social-outlet – but they also need to guard a bit against a false-sense-of-security since strip-clubs are not the real-world – perhaps SCs can be seen as practice per se vs some kinda of solution/magic-bullet.
If you’ve ever watched the pick up artists videos they talk a lot about “inner game”. I’ve never used their advice for hitting on girls in bars. But their social skill tips have been excellent. For example, raising your eyebrows when you meet someone in the first few seconds can change the dynamic of the conversation. It’s strange little things like that. I bet you learned mannerisms and vocal pacing tricks just by talking to dancers.
Great topic. Keep it up and ignore the trolls.
SJG