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misterorange

Kamala, you're FIRED!

It was around 2002, give or take a year. A long-time friend of mine is a British citizen but has been living in the USA since he was a teenager. His parents used to be here too, but when his dad became ill, they moved back to England because of the free healthcare. Then one day my buddy got the call… his father had a few months at most. He needed to make the trip across the pond to spend some time with his dad. He was able to take advantage of a “hardship” fare offered by the airline and invited me to tag along at the same discounted price. I think the round-trip flight cost around $300. I had never been to Europe, was in-between jobs, had nothing else to do, and we’d be staying with his sister and brother-in-law, so why not? We went for about 10 days.

A couple things I never realized about Brits. (Disclaimer: these were the people I met. Can't say it's typical of all Brits.) First, they speak English but an American can barely understand what they’re saying. I mean you get the general idea, but the conversation is full of odd words and phrases. Second, they are very casual about discussing sex and sexual activities, even while the whole family is sitting down at dinner. Finally, they fuckin’ love to smoke weed. Every night we’d pass around a bong and a few joints before dinner. I can’t say whether or not my friend’s sister is a good cook because I was so stoned, I thought I was in a 3-star Michelin rated restaurant.

Even though I was nearly twice his age, I made fast friends with my buddy’s nephew, Nathan. I think he was 18 and I was 34. We went sightseeing (10 minutes from the White Cliffs of Dover), always ended up wasted in some local brew pub (warm beer- yechh), and he set me up to get laid by an okay-looking college girl he knew, which was a real treat. We took a ride on a ferry boat across the English Channel to Calais, France, and got so fucked up they wouldn’t let us back on the boat. We had to sober up and wait a couple hours for the next one.

So, one afternoon we were hanging out in Dover and kind of bored. Decided it would be fun to go to Amsterdam. Took the EuroStar to Brussels where we had a 3-hour layover. Found a local bar near the train station where nobody spoke English, but we had a good time. It reminded me of McSorley’s in NYC. Old run-down place where they make their own beer. Our next ride was about 100 miles on a rickety old train that was like a NYC subway car. (Quite different from the 180 mph EuroStar.) At the point where we crossed the border from Belgium into the Netherlands, an announcement was made on the loudspeaker, first in Dutch and then in English, that effectively said, “You may now smoke weed.” Everybody on the train immediately took out various smoking apparatus and began puffing away.

The first thing we did was secure a room at the “Botel” which is a motel but it’s a boat docked on a pier. Then we visited a “coffeehouse” where you can order marijuana and hashish off a menu, and if you don’t have a pipe or papers they’ll give it to you. Then, stoned out of our minds, we started making our way through the red-light district.

I had heard stories but seeing is believing. We spent an hour walking around and chatting with some of the prostitutes that were trying to entice us to come inside their place of work. Holy shit, these girls were like something out of a dream. We went to the “Museum of Sex” where, as you walk in, there’s a (not real) naked girl on a stationary bicycle. As she pedals the bike, a dildo rams in and out of her pussy. We also went to a live sex show, which was like a small movie theater where a hot girl was sucking and fucking a dude who’s hung like a horse. It was a well-rehearsed production that was almost like a Broadway show, except that you could order drinks and they’d bring them right to your seat, oh… and I never saw a chick getting fucked like that on a Broadway stage.

Back out on the street, it was hard to decide which hooker to go with because there were so many, and they all looked great. Finally chose a petite Eastern European girl that reminded me of a young Oksana Baiul. She spoke decent English with a heavy accent, and began with some of the best DFK I ever had from any woman, forget about hookers. Then she quickly stripped down naked, laid back on the bed with legs spread wide open, and told me to eat her pussy. She said, “Make me ready to fuck.” For about 7/10ths of a second, I considered the fact that she had probably just been fucked by 10 other guys before I came along, then I went to town licking and slurping her beautiful shaved cunt. After all, I had already made out with her and I’m pretty sure she also sucked 10 dicks, so what the hell at that point.

I switched back and forth between taking off my clothes and licking her snatch until we were both naked and doing 69. I had to cut it short because the way she was sucking my cock I was about to blow my load after a few minutes. Thankfully, she put a rubber on me before we started fucking, and with that bag over my dick I could have fucked for an hour. After a while, she gently wiggled her way off my cock, removed the rubber and started sucking again. By now I was feeling somewhat desensitized so this time she really had to work at it. When I was almost ready to bust, I decided to be a gentleman and warn her, rather than just surprise her with a mouthful of jizz. To my delight, she swallowed every drop without hesitation. Again, I briefly thought about those 10 guys before me, but quickly put that thought out of my head when she snuggled up next to me and said we still had 20 minutes left on the hour I had scheduled.

Believe me, if I could have got it up again that fast, I would have gotten even more for my money, but it wasn’t in the cards. She was in no rush for me to leave, and I was content just to feel her naked body pressed up against me in the bed. She even fell asleep for a few minutes and had the most adorable little snore. I dozed off too and woke up with her gently nibbling my ear. By the time I got dressed, we had gone over the hour by about 15 minutes but there was no mention of extra money. The price was “50 quid” which meant 50 Euro, I think about 70 American dollars back then. Even that long ago, it seemed like a small amount for the awesome time I had. I paid her about 120 Euro and she was so happy she gave me a long hug and more kisses.

It was hard for me to leave, but my buddy Nathan was waiting outside for me, or so I thought. I ended up waiting about a half hour for him. Turns out he was next door banging another girl we had both taken a good look at earlier. His experience was nothing like mine. He said it was great because she was so goddamn hot, but very mechanical and professional. He did fuck her in the ass though, for an extra 10 Euro. We wandered around for another couple hours, taking in the sights. Besides the hookers, it’s really quite a nice city with all the waterways and bridges. We hit up another whorehouse and got quickie blow jobs from a couple of nice German girls. Went to the coffeeshop again, got stoned as hell, and went back to the “Botel” for a couple hours of sleep before catching the train in the morning.

I’ve read that Amsterdam has changed somewhat over the years. The red-light district is apparently smaller, and the sex industry has suffered under pressure from moral do-gooders and government regulation. From what I’ve seen of the reviews here on TUSCL, it looks like the German FKK’s and Tijuana are where it’s at nowadays (well, pre-Covid anyway). But that night in Amsterdam is something I’ll never forget.

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Not an Article. Should be posted on Discussion Board