The Guide the Girls Have All Been Waiting For, How to Hold Down a Regular Customer (Literally, if need be)

A couple times in my life I've had a stripper than I considered a favorite and I would schlep money to and from the strip club (well on second thought not really from). I've had a couple of those and therefore I consider myself and expert on the subject and the top mind in field. Someone had to do it. I have tons of PM's in my inbox from strippers all over TUSCL and even in my inbox on my alt account on stripperweb. Ok I don't but if I waited any longer I'm sure I would. Anyway. I would imagine many strippers ask themselves, "Instead of doing all this hustling every night, why don't I just train one of these cash cow slaves to worship me and bring me money" Well I'm here to tell you with enough lying, backstabbing and debauchery, it can be done. Don't you just want to be on your phone at work, who wants to "get up" or "talk"? Me neither. The following a bunch of tips that from experts all over the industry on how to get a repeat customer. Ok fine I just talked myself in the shower drunk one time but it's sounded legit to me. -First off, a big one a lot of dancers overlook is what club you pick out. Make sure it's got high fees, aggressive bouncers, and bitchy bartenders. -Outfit to wear while dancing. I would go sweat pants and sweat shirt here. Think soccer mom. You want to remind the PL of his mother, appeal to his infantile memories. To really send the point home, wear one of those tennis visor hats. -Picking targets. Anybody seen crying at any point, sound the alarm. Drop everything and move in for the kill. Same if they say their account on TUSCL is CC99. Sport Jersey's in the club, if they are a slave to their little gay football team, they can be a slave to you. Also any PL buying Vegas Bombs for a bunch of strippers at the bar then that guy is likely me, easy prey, look no further. -Approach. My favorite approach is to find a customer at the tip rail. While dancing climb all the way to the tippy top of the pole. Now act like you "fell" and fall into the arms of that guy sitting there. Act badly injured. This customer is gonna feel sorry for you and doesn't want to seem like a dick for leaving you after such horrible accident. -Alternate way to approach if you just gotta have it. Get a long rope and climb all the way to the top of the stripper pole. Tie a firm slipknot. Then scream like Tarzan and swing into your target customer, legs open. You'll know you did it right if his nose is in your hoo-haw. -When your favorite customer offers to buy you a drink, get that sneaky expensive drink, like that $80 shot of Macallan. Let him know your worth. -Right after introducing yourself. Be sure to stab him in the eye with one of your 15 inch Cardi B fake nails. If he's seems upset, just giggle it off in a cute way. Hehe. It sends a message that you can defend thyself in need be. -You want to always keep him waiting. Anticipation=$$$. Tell him you'll be right back from the dressing room and go to sleep in there. Only come out when your in civilian clothes and make a b line for the exit. -Profess your loyalty to him and then go hang out with wanna be G-Unit crew for 4 hours. Show him how diverse and worldly you clientele can be. Really drive that point home, by literally driving home with them and have him pick you up in the morning. -While your dancing on stage get ahold of him on the top rail and queef in his face. Bonus points for any discharge. -When in doubt, just continue to act like a sassy bitch that everyone in the club owes you something. Be sure to keep taking dressing room drama to the parking lot and then parking lot drama to shadowcat 2am posts. Up in VIP -Hold hands with your customer to VIP. Also simultaneously grab another customers hand too. Create a stripper hand holding sandwich and walk around for a while showing off. Take a few laps. -Be sure to save all semen from prior VIP's with other customers in your vag and let 'er rip. Show him how desired you are by others. Show him your worth and give him a taste if he doesn't believe you. -To tease him. Braid your pubic hair into a "vagina gate" Tie it tight, He has to work to get in there. -After blowing him, get down to his balls and crunch away. Men love this. -Go raw dog with prior customers and save and discharge they left in there. Now have your special custy get the privelage of eating you out. To NOT do this is like eating Oreos without the cream. -Grow a big big afro. Place a midget in there. Only to have him pop out when your customer is cumming. OTC -Text him your getting ready early in the morning. Then don't answer his texts for hours. Then text him again that you really wanna fuck. And then real late at night cancel at the last minute, right after he books the hotel. Say your car blew up and your puppy died. This should be an all day event. -When riding in his car, turn whatever he is listening too off and start blasting Justin Bieber. Then put you feet up on the dashboard and then proceed to have a loud Facetime phone call. -Ride in his car with all of your cocaine on you and even spill some in his car, right before the border patrol checkpoint -For security purposes, have your pimp has pat him down at gun point -Demand money upfront and leave immediately. He’ll “get some” next time. Remember he works for you. -Cuff him to the bed rail then proceed to turn on a marathon of "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" He'll render all assets shortly. -Surprise him by whatever you do in bed, secretly film and upload to only fans making him an overnight pornstar. Hulk Hogan Style. This is all you need to leave a trail of broke PL's in your wake.