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Muddy

USA

It's been over a decade and the masses are demanding a upgraded, renewed way of taking home the many strippers of today. I've consulted with the Great Rick Dugan and he sent guidance for me to pass on the teachings of a true master. All credit, hatred, hate mail, bricks through the window and death threats will have to be directed at him for I am merely an acolyte. The number we had 10 years ago was 35% of strippers available outside the club. Well with intensive research, tips, tricks from the top experts in the industry and overall acting like a complete fag we've managed to bump that number up to about 37%. Now it's time. Behold.

First the outfit. White blazer and slacks. Pastel Pink or Pastel Blue undershit. Nothing else and no exceptions. Loafers with NO socks. Earring and irresponsibly expensive gold watch is not only acceptable but downright necessary. If you need further help, I'll look the other way on a sparkly white glove on the right hand.

Scent. Himalaya mountain goat urine gives the strongest feedback. Your trying to be remembered not smell like a pansy. Keep that in mind.

State of mind. Envision that you are a wannabe Robert Palmer.

Entrance. Most important. Simply put most most most fucking crucial point. It's everything. You can't just walk up and enter anytime and anyway you want. You will exit your vehicle (God help you if it's a milktruck, I say this from first hand experience) You will hear the music of the club playing right outside the door. You will lie in the shadows and wait in a crouching position until one of two songs come on "ZZ-Top-Sharp Dressed Man" or "George Thorogood-Bad to the Bone" with only exception is coming in on a saxophone solo. Just wait. I've waited for hours at a time but trust it makes all the difference in the world.

Sharp Dressed Man comes on. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wRHBLwp…
In we go. Step to the beat. Don't make any eye contact with the cover girl. Forward 1, 2, 3, 4 and Back 4, 3, 2, 1 Forward and back. Now twist, and twist. Forward and back, Forward and back. Feel the rythym. Keep the momentum and enter the main area John Travolta style. The strippers have eyes all over you. Now is the time to make scene. You will make it rain on yourself. Creating a cloud of money. It's a show of force, putting on full display that YOU and only YOU are the sexiest thing that has EVER entered this club. Period.

From there hop on top of the bar and shimmy shake down the entirety of it. Hop down. Immediately you will be approached by one or multiple dancers. She will state something, you will promptly cut her off and state "I work for NASA" she will then have a gaze full of awe and will ask "So what's your name?"
You will answer "Ha my name?Ha Ha (No more than 3 Ha's, no less than 2) My name is not important, My game? My game is sleeping with beautiful women all over the world, next stop {Insert present City/town here}"

Stop talking. You need to maintain an air of mystery. Turn around. Shake your boogie booty back and forth. Shake it again. Take you hands point to the sky and alternate them up and down creating some sort of "super dance" while walking out. Right before you exit the door, Jump up and click your heels together. Hold that pose as long as humanly possible in the air for the longest lasting impression. If you did it correctly the front door girls jaw should be dropped all the way.

Now you are more than free to lie under you desired strippers vehicle only to pop out when she arrives (Dancers love this) and drop a song on her ass, my preference is "Together Forever" by Rick Astley.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yPYZpwSp…

Get down on one knee and propose to her to go to the Motel 6. Then watch for the true "magic" to happen and dance off into the sunset.

*Overhead clap*
*Still frame*
*Roll credits*
*Continue Together Forever by Rick Astley*

Adjudicators

GoVikings

nicespice

minnow

not another generic pua missive.

GinoGino79

Incoherent

rockie