• articles >
• notreallyme

notreallyme

That seemed to be my choice -- continuing to visit strip clubs and proceed to getting more extras, (or just visiting hookers, or cheating) -- or start swinging.

My wife and I married in the late 80s. I had only been with seven women before her, and while I was sorry to give up the chance to be with other women, I knew that she was the girl for me. My wife also was a bit reluctant to become monogamous, and even proposed an open marriage, but we decided against it. (OK, it was me. I was an idiot.) And then, with career and family, we weren't going to have time for other activities anyway. We stayed monogamous.

I had been to strip clubs maybe once or twice before I got married, and loved it. I started going more, surreptitiously, after we were married. Never very often, maybe three times a year at most, and only when I was travelling, or my family was away. Over time, the level of -- umm -- attention available from the dancers increased, but I kept myself under control, getting off sometimes, but keeping all parts in my clothes.

About three years ago, I just had to try more, and got my first hand job in a strip club. And then maybe a year later, from a "masseuse". I was slowly escalating my level of hidden sexual activity, and it was going in a direction that I couldn't sustain. Either I was going to get caught by my wife, arrested, or bring home a disease, or get involved with a stripper, hooker or mistress way more than I wanted to. I didn't like any of these outcomes. I also didn't like the hiding.

Then, my wife and I were at a party with some new friends, and sex was just thick in the air. There were three couples, all attractive. There was music, booze, pot, dancing, and it was just great. Nothing happened, but we both started thinking about swinging that night. (Later we found out that one of the other couples had been swingers, and another started soon after, but then their marriage fell apart.)

It percolated in my mind, and in my wife's. I was getting more and more sexually frustrated, so I decided to ask my wife whether she would be open to swinging. I had a lot of apprehension. On one hand, I know that she had once wanted an open marriage. On the other hand, I that was a long time ago. But at least if I raised the idea, 1) it might happen, and 2) my frustration would be out there, and we could do something about it.

So I asked, and she was immediately enthusiastic about the idea. We joined a swingers' website, and started talking about it. A few things happened right away. First, we were talking about sex a lot more than we had ever -- what did we hope to get out of swinging? what is missing from our own sex life? what are the boundaries? And some of the conversations were difficult. Sometimes it seemed like the idea was dead. Then it wasn't. Eventually we progressed to the point that we both really wanted to try it. Second, our sex life got a lot better, just from the anticipation, and from the fact that sex was now such an important issue to us. Third, I immediately cut way back on my visits to TUSCL and porn websites. I didn't try to cut back, it just happened. I stopped wanting to because the new possibilities were so much better.

Our first contact with swingers was with a couple who we met for drinks, just so that they could answer our questions. We met a second time a few weeks later and ended up in their hot-tub, having oral sex with our own partners. We then had a date with a couple we met on the website, and ended up playing with them that evening, just stripping, rubbing, with the others, and sucking and fucking with our own partners. (We could have done more with them, but we had set our boundaries for the evening in advance.) His wife was an unbelievably hot Chinese woman, in her 40s, with a body like an 18-year old. Unfortunately, we never saw them again.

A few months ago, we met a couple on the website, and have been seeing them every weekend, schedules permitting, since then. We've gone on a couple of trips with them, and we've had a ton of incredible sex with them, in all the combinations you can imagine (except for me with the other guy).

I felt like I was getting to the point where I HAD to have sex with someone other than my wife, either sneaking around, or openly. She said that she was getting to the same point. We get along really well, we will never split up, but we were getting bored sexually, and no amount of trying to "do things" for the other seemed to work. We finally realized that, and we are confident enough with each other to accept the other one having some fun, and not letting it disrupt our relationship. We still enjoy sex together, a lot, but swinging has really reinvigorated sex for us both individually, and together.

I still look in on TUSCL every so often. I've gone to a strip club maybe once in the past year. I jerk off a lot less, because I'm getting so much with my wife and others. Asking my wife about swinging was one of the best decisions of my life.


Notes:

Swinging is a hell of a lot cheaper than strip clubs, the major expense being membership on a website, admission fee to clubs and parties, etc.

This was written from a throwaway account. I have a membership on TUSCL, but for privacy reasons have decided not to post this from that account.