Tips to keep SC funk from the ball and chain

avatar for dw.buck
dw.buck
having fun
In response to rickdugan's blog Stripperfumes
<p>SC funk is the perfume, sweat, and smell of sex or pussy emitted from the strippers as they interact with you from a greeting to lap dance or xtras ITC or OTC. With that definition …. Strippers need the perfume to smell good and create the fantasy we all are looking for … stimulating the senses. It sucks for the clothing we wear but that is the reason we all should have strip club clothes. We all should have several sets of clothes that are used for SC only and washed only when the ball and chain are away. This includes shirt and pants. The clothes should be kept in a bag in a discreet location to prevent the leak of SC funk. Since these are alternate clothing there is no need to wash them so you can wear it to work, so if it takes a week or more to wash it's no problem. Also the clothes you should get should be cheap ones so if there is a need to replace no big deal. Really who are you trying to impress at a SC? I have seen married guys wearing their best outfits to the SC and mad when they get the funk on them. I have even had lipstick on my collar from one stripper that I didn't notice until after I took off the shirt but since it was a SC shirt there was no worry, or reason why a ball and chain would see it. Wash the SC clothes when the ball and chain is gone from the house. Also another tip if you have a gym to go to take your clothes there rinse the clothes down in the shower. This knocks down the funk and possible allows multiple uses between machine washes.
<p> keeping SC funk out of the car... first ... always keep your interior of the car clean. Try to keep it immaculate, floors vacuumed, dash board with armor all down. How does this work... well once you leave the SC you will notice if and glitter has fallen in the car. Keep it messy it will be harder to identify. For the funk keep a bottle of the armor all in the trunk. You can spray the armor all in the car, on the seat and the seat belt which covers up the funk without arising suspicion.
<p> second keep towels in the car... beach towels. This way you can put them in the seat to sit on and one on top of your shirt to protect the funk from getting into the seatbelt. The towels protect the funk and glitter from transferring from you to the seat & seatbelts. Easy to clean and reuse. Make sure you get the same color of existing ones so the ball n chain won't question why you need nor have em in the car.
<p> as far as the skin contact with SC funk, keep a bottle of hand sanitizer in the car, water bottle full of water and rag, and baby wipes. All can be considered by the ball n chain as necessities in the car for roadside repairs / clean up afterwards. Clean up before getting in the car to prevent transfer of most SC funk. It is hard to do in the parking lot sometimes and that is what the towels are for in the previous paragraph. This allows you to get from the strip club to an intermediate area to clean up. Regardless of how much you clean up some transference will occur. After you clean up you don't want to smell like the cleaning agents you used so how do you get that out from suspicion. Close the windows turn up the heat get a light sweat working. The sweat will cleanse the cleaning agents as well as add a small layer of personal body odor which helps in an alibi. Also it works when you get to your home, if you smell like funk your old lady probably would tell you to shower, and gives you the excuse to shower the rest of any SC funk away above suspicion.

<p>Also what helps is if you go to a SC that allows smoking and you smoke too. Yes most people hate that smoke smell and find it repulsive but it is an alibi as well. If you convince your ball and chain that you like to go out and smoke every once in a while and the funk offends her immediately once you get home you can hop in the shower without arising suspicion. Start slowly with the smoking.. This shouldn't be cigarettes but blunts or cheap cigars. You can mention you picked up the habit from work as we all have a boss somewhere up there that smokes a cigar. Your line is that the boss had a social function and handed out cigars, or someone had a baby and handed them out and you liked the taste, so you bought a few to do the occasional smoke. Since she hates it you only do it away from the house. The smoke even after a quick wash masks the SC funk and gets you sent strait to the shower once you get home.
<p>share your tips that you have learned about the SC and preventing your ball and chain from discovering evidence

11 comments

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avatar for georgmicrodong
georgmicrodong
14 years ago
I like my solution better.

"Honey, I'm going out!"
"Don't forget to pick up more rubbers on your way."

Upon getting home:

"What's that on your pants?"
"Pussy funk. Wanna sniff?"
"Eww, no. You're washing them."

Much, much easier.
avatar for bang69
bang69
14 years ago
Take your wift to the sc with you. She just mite enjoy it.
avatar for dw.buck
dw.buck
14 years ago
gmd your out of control, i love it though, just trying to help the others out that need it
avatar for farmerart
farmerart
14 years ago
If I had to go through all the contortions described in this article I think SCs would be off my menu of activities. Of course, I am a lonely old bachelor and also a tiny bit eccentric. My dog happily tolerates any SC olfactory treats I bring home.
avatar for rickdugan
rickdugan
14 years ago
I have to agree with farmer - that is just too much work. There are also too many ways in which one of these contortions can break down, such as if the dirty clothes are discovered or glitter slips through and is spotted on your person or in the car.

Much easier, IMO, to simply avoid the girls that have strong scents or glitter. Some girls are fairly smart about this and understand the issues, so there are usually good options in most clubs. My frustration comes in when a stinky girl gets me before I can back her off and when this happens then I go through controtions, but I would not want to set myself up for that every time.
avatar for shadowcat
shadowcat
14 years ago
A few years back at the Crazy Horse Saloon in Atlanta, I ran into a stripper from the Czech Republic. She was covered with glitter. I told her that, that was a big no no. She said that she didn't care. That was the customers problem. She didn't get a dance. Not because I was worried about going home (I answer to no one)but because of her attitude. Awhile later another dancer came over and started dusting me off. She understood! The Czech bitch said that she was moving to Myrtle Beach SC to work in a strip club there. She won't be missed.
avatar for georgmicrodong
georgmicrodong
14 years ago
bang: I do occasionally, and she does.

<p>dw: Not me. My wife keeps me on the straight and narrow. Our version of it anyway, even if it comes nowhere near "mainstream".
avatar for nj_pete
nj_pete
14 years ago
Over the summer I was at a club and the girl I had the ld from was getting a bit swealty, which of course I notced immediately, but whast I did nto notice untl I left the cub was the strong smell of perfume on me. Must have been the sweat that transferred it. Very stroing smell.

I'm about 50 minutes from this club and even driving with the window partially down did to help that much, Lucked out however as my wife was out of town that evening.
avatar for ChrisCoolidge
ChrisCoolidge
14 years ago
I definitely agree with keeping the car spotless or at least being notorious about keeping it clean. I make a point of getting a wash, vac and wipe down anyutime I have had a passengerfrom the club or the street.

I definitely stay away from the sweaty, glittered up or perfumed up dancers BUT when I'm leaving the club, I double check myself in the bathroom and I will rub some sliva on my neck and face so I smell clammy. Sounds gross but it works everytime.

I definitely make sure to get a little essence of cigar on me at times. If not, I will rub a little dab of my last beer on my eck and face so that I smell of lquor. The wife hates the scent so I always get left alone when I come home or told to hit the showers.
avatar for georgmicrodong
georgmicrodong
14 years ago
ChrisCoolidge: That reminds me of the story of a guy who was complaining that his wife was always up and waiting to give him a hard time when he came home from partying with the boys.
<p>
"I shut the car off and coast into the driveway.  I take my shoes off before I come inside, sneak up the stairs as quietly as possible, get undressed outside in the hallway, and when I climb into bed, she's always awake and always gives me a hard time."
<p>
His buddy tells him, "You should do what I do.  I rev the car engine as much as possible in the driveway, slam the front door shut on my way in, stomp up the stairs, slam open the bedroom door, rip my clothes off and say 'Honey, I'm home!  How 'bout a little nookie'.  She's *always* fast asleep."
avatar for ChrisCoolidge
ChrisCoolidge
14 years ago
@georgmicrodong: Thatactually works too. If I come in stumbling and reeking of liquor and try to get "some", my SO will either tell me to take a shower or push me away all together. Only a few times has she ever called my bluff and she made me shower beforehand.
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