The Lowest of the Low

avatar for JackKash
JackKash
New York City
In that horribly overacted Costner film, Waterworld, there is one character I have sympathy for, the old man in the small boat floating on the oil and in the complete darkness of the supertanker's hold. Don't really remember why he is there, or how he got there but he seemed calm and resigned to his fate. Near the end of the movie, the "aqua man" (Costner) drops a flaming torch into the hold to destroy the ship. Seeing it come down to him, the old man says, "Oh thank goodness" or something similar with great relief in his voice (perhaps because he is also finally out of the movie) - and then the hold bursts into a fireball - btw, should I have said "spoiler alert?"

I think of this character when ever I see a bathroom attendant in the men's room of a SC. If there can be a more humbling, lower form of employment, I can't think of it at this time. To stay all night in the restroom (I have never noticed them come out, even just stand in the doorway, during the course of a night) offering towels, mints and cologne(!) to pissing, farting, shitting and probably a few vomiting drunk men must certainly be one of the worst jobs. An aside, I never understood the bounty of cologne available on the sink. Giving a guy a stack of $20's would work much better in a club (though I do note a Club's ATM is usually right outside the men's room).

Now I have seen three types of attendants. The quiet ones who work around you, cleaning up, maybe offering a towel, but they don't say much. The sense is they are just keeping the place clean and tidy. Most often this is a non-english speaker.

Then there's a second type, usually youngish guy, probably initially excited to get a job in a club but then he is shut in the restroom away from even the eye candy we enjoy. They try to make small talk but are working too hard and might have a little tension, a little desperation in their voices (they're working for tips too afterall). I can tell they are screaming on the inside.

Lastly, there are the ones like the old man from the movie. Resigned and calm with their fate. Pleasant chatter to fish out a conversation but nothing forced and an easy retreat if your not interested in talking. After you have done your business, they are there turning on the water at the sink for you, squirting soap into your hands for you, turning off the water and offering a towel (actually this is a bit of pampering I like, having to not touch the fixtures).

I had a good lingering conversation with one of these last types in the restroom of Crazy Horse III in Vegas. The break from the noise and hustle in the club was a welcome respite. Still, I could imagine that if someone ever walked in to this restroom and placed a ticking bomb on the floor, this man would not run but release a tired sigh of relief and say, "Oh thank goodness."

12 comments

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avatar for Rufus3Firefly
Rufus3Firefly
14 years ago
Hey, there are worse jobs. Cesspool service worker is one that quickly comes to mind. If you've never witnessed a cesspool being filled in or experienced the stench, well, you're lucky. When I first ran into the mens room attendant I said WTF, I know how to turn a faucet, run a soap dispenser and pull a paper towel but the guys do keep the place clean and neat and I appreciate the efforts to entertain including clever conversation and the sports results posted above the urinals. I'm sure they're out there but I haven't encountered a rude attendant. It always seems we're sharing or living the same strip club experience joke. They know why we're at a SC and we're virtually winking at each other as we share the joke. I would never attempt to humiliate these guys by putting less than a bill in their jar. The money they're making is not going toward their Swiss skiing vacation. More likely it's helping put themselves through school or pay the rent. Let's pay these guys some respect.
avatar for troop
troop
14 years ago
there is one character I have sympathy for, the old man in the small boat floating on the oil and in the complete darkness of the supertanker's hold. Don't really remember why he is there, or how he got there but he seemed calm and resigned to his fate. Near the end of the movie, the "aqua man" (Costner) drops a flaming torch into the hold to destroy the ship. Seeing it come down to him, the old man says, "Oh thank goodness" or something similar with great relief in his voice (perhaps because he is also finally out of the movie)

^
LOL.. love the last line! ;)

i only have run into a men's room attendant at 1 strip club.
he's a little different from the descriptions in your post. imo although he's an ok guy he seems to pry a little too much into your personal life/business and seems to try too hard to buddy up to you.
he also spends alot of time outside the men's room (although never far away) checking things out in the club.
personally i'd prefer to not have him standing there while i'm taking a piss and i prefer to wash my hands without his assistance but i tip the old guy anyway.
avatar for troop
troop
14 years ago
there is one character I have sympathy for, the old man in the small boat floating on the oil and in the complete darkness of the supertanker's hold. Don't really remember why he is there, or how he got there but he seemed calm and resigned to his fate. Near the end of the movie, the "aqua man" (Costner) drops a flaming torch into the hold to destroy the ship. Seeing it come down to him, the old man says, "Oh thank goodness" or something similar with great relief in his voice (perhaps because he is also finally out of the movie)

^
LOL.. love the last line! ;)

i only have run into a men's room attendant at 1 strip club.
he's a little different from the descriptions in your post. imo although he's an ok guy he seems to pry a little too much into your personal life/business and seems to try too hard to buddy up to you.
he also spends alot of time outside the men's room (although never far away) checking things out in the club.
personally i'd prefer to not have him standing there while i'm taking a piss and i prefer to wash my hands without his assistance but i tip the old guy anyway.
avatar for sinclair
sinclair
14 years ago
It could be a decent gig in a high volume club where guys actually tip the attendant. Three guys pissing every minute with a $1 tip could mean $180/hour. They don't pay taxes either. Still, I wouldn't want to clean up after some of these slobs I see frequenting strip clubs.
avatar for georgmicrodong
georgmicrodong
14 years ago
"In that horribly overacted Costner film"
<p>Is there any other kind of Costner film? Even Silverado had some from him.
avatar for Rod8432
Rod8432
14 years ago
I have mixed feelings about the bathroom attendant. On the one hand, I don't like the tipping pressure and appreciate peeing in peace, like I can do at Brad's Brass Flamingo in Indy. On the other hand, I've gotten to like the pampering of the soap being dispensed, the water being turned on/off, and the cloth hand-towel (when the good attendants remember to do these things).

I've come to peace about the tip. In the grand scheme of my SC life, the buck or two I spend tipping the bathroom troll (as I've heard said on this site) is minimal and not worth getting my panties in a wad, as I've watched some guys do as they nervously flit past the attendant without washing their hands because they don't want to tip. Hell, more recently, I've decided why fight it and indulge; now I sometimes partake of the mouthwash, Tic-Tacs, and even a spritz or two of my favorite cologne. Why not, so long as that stuff's there and I'm tipping? May as well make my SC visit as enjoyable all the way around as possible.
avatar for Prim0
Prim0
14 years ago
I'm with Rod. Just enjoy the pampering. At Kahoot's Columbus, the guy is from the dominican republic and is pretty cool and laid back. I don't mind giving him a couple of bucks if it helps him out. He does provide a huge array of scents, cleaning products and who knows what else.

Howard Stern used to talk about "The Doctor" at Scores NY. Said he was a genious at removing the SC smell from you before you went home. Now that could come in handy!
avatar for Prim0
Prim0
14 years ago
Oh yeah...and I can only tollerate Costner in sports films...anything else has been trash. Nice English accent in Robing Hood!
avatar for EarlTee
EarlTee
14 years ago
I prefer to have a dancer help me with my squirt and cleanup.
avatar for farmerart
farmerart
14 years ago
So far, I have encountered just one bathroom "troll" in SCs I have visited. This guy was a new Canadian with minimal English but was personable and had a huge smile on his face during my time in the room. We attempted conversation and he seemed to understand one of my jokes by bursting into laughter. I left him a $5 bill and he tried to push a couple of toonies in my hand as change!!

I have the same attitude to service staff as that of blacksunshine.
avatar for georgmicrodong
georgmicrodong
14 years ago
I have yet to meet a bathroom troll as described herein, i.e. worthy of a tip. The only ones I've seen just sit there, and give you a dirty look when you leave without tipping. Tipping is a reward for *service*, not for watching me piss.
avatar for Dazymaz
Dazymaz
14 years ago
HA Great artical ! I had a good laugh ,, thanks for the write ,, don't for get to tip them ,
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