So, the famous Crazy Horse. ...

So, the famous Crazy Horse. This is an experience unlike any other SC I've been to. It's in the Mission, which is probably a bad place to be if you're a woman at night on a weekday, but on a Saturday night there were lots of cops and I'm a pretty big guy, so nobody hassled me (although in the space of three blocks between my car and the club I was offered pot three times and crack once).<br>

As others have described, it's clean enough, but pretty shabby inside. You pay a cover to a bouncer at the door and head into a room with a long narrow stage, some theater chairs lining it, and some more theater seats oriented crossways to the stage, facing the back wall in rows. There are lap and VIP areas off to one side. As I went in on a Saturday around 11:00 the place was packed with both customers and girls working the room. A cute girl in lingerie will meet you as you enter the "theater" room, and try to steer you off on a "tour" towards the VIP rooms. Unless you want to immediately get fleeced, politely decline.<br>

I spent the first half-hour I was there sitting in the seats some distance from the stage, getting a feel for the place. It seems like some of the girls are in the dance rotation at any one time, but others are just working the crowd for private dances. I was approached by nearly every girl in the place, one about every five minutes, asking for a private dance, and I politely refused them, saying "I'm just going to sit here a little while and get in the mood first, thanks." Some would just turn away and leave in response, while others who were a little better at the hustle would give me some eye contact, put their hand on my thigh or arm, and say something like "Well, my name's (whatever), so just find me and let me know when you're in the mood, darling."<br>

As for the actual dancing it is not that impressive. Most of the girls come out onto the stage and walk down to the end and back slowly several times over the course of three songs, like they are on a fashion runway. Only a few do a pole show. Most just do a bit of what they used to call bump and grind as they walk. If you sit in the front row by the stage, it seems that etiquette is to tip a few bucks each song for a girl you like, and in response most will give you a brief lap dance, coming down off the stage, or stay on the stage but lean over and encourage you to fondle their tits or ass for a few seconds. Degree of contact varies a lot from girl to girl, from one girl who I saw grind on the crotch of every guy who gave her a dollar, to one of my favorites, a stunning Irish-looking redhead with a Playboy perfect body, all hips, ass, and natural C or D-cups, who didn't let anyone touch her on the runway, which I should have taken as a sign (more about that shortly).<br>

I think I spent a couple of hours eventually just watching the show. Most of the girls both on stage and off I would rate about 7-8. Some porn star types, some more natural, a few a bit heavier than porn standards, but very curvy. There were a half-dozen Southeast Asian girls with tiny asses and huge fake racks, if you like that sort of thing. Most of them just wear lingerie or bikinis when not on stage, but one of the girls who came up to me early on asking for a private dance had a sort of schoolgirl fetish look going on, with horn-rimmed glasses and a white shirt open over a black bra. I took an immediate liking to her. When she asked me if I wanted to go into the VIP area, I played dumb and said "I don't know, what happens back there?" She said, "Absolutely anything you want." I should have taken her up on that offer, but Istupidly brushed her off like the others and she disappeared. I spent the next two hours while I was watching the show asking other dancers where she was--I learned that her name was "Miko" or something like it, and most of the girls told me "She's in the back, she'll probably be out soon." <br>