Ballin69

OrangeLover: yeah I definitely need to take a break. Any idea how long is enough? In the past, I've gone about ~6 months in between visits, but in my visits I will go crazy. Like 10 girls in 2 days crazy. Hopefully I find a long term partner in the next 6 months, I don't want to be sexually frustrated while I'm dating either.

Ishmael: agreed about the hedonic treadmill. I'm familiar with that term, and agreed about the therapy advice. I'm not necessarily volunteering right now, but I am going out of my way to participate in my hobbies with a larger group other than just by myself or with my friends who I already know. Which expectation do I have that is unrealistic or unhealthy?

ilb - I'm not sure what you mean by drop the puta shit. I am always respectful to them, and have never even had a disagreement with a single one of them, despite all of the posts about ROBs. The problem is, they don't speak English, and even if they did, whatever connection they would make with me wouldn't be for real. It would be for money. The power dynamic thing I think is real. I LOVE the power of being able to choose any puta I want. But I hate that I have to pay. In my ideal world, I would get to choose whatever girl I wanted and make her my wife, without having to pay. I understand that's now how reality works though. I do want a chick that is really horny for me. I've had it before, but I want it for forever. I understand there will be a trade off, but to me those tradeoffs seem worth it. I definitely want meaning in my life, not just a bunch of pleasures. And you're right, humans are silly in the ways you mentioned.

rick dugan- I think you're a little harsh on your assessment, but some of your points did resonate. I am an insecure fuck who seeks the solace of putas 100%. I don't think my dates think I'm creepy though. Some of them still text me from out of state. For the most part, they think I'm fun and handsome, or at least that is how I see it. The part about real girls that scares me is that I'm never 100% sure they want to be kissed, or fucked, etc. etc. Putas on the other hand: 100% they want $100 for sex. That takes a lot of the fear out of the equation. I do kind of wallow in excuses, but I also think that wallowing is part of the process. I think I have emotions to process, and that processing them will make room for new ones. i.e. dealing with a potential rejection, pushing past anxiety etc. Also, totally agreed about the gym. I don't lift to be in shape. I am very in shape already and I lift primarily for the mental benefits, and I get way more mental benefits by power lifting, as you suggested.

CJKent: I agree with you about happiness and bravery. I hope and believe that some day I will overcome the anxiety, similar to how I overcame anxiety to tip putas and grab some tits lol. I still believe in loving relationships. The part of my lizard brain that tells me to find a girl is hurting because I haven't had that need satisfied is so long. I believe girls are the same way and there is someone out there looking for a long connection with me. Maybe we disagree on what a loving relationship is, but I believe they exist.