Reviews by Tetradon

COMING IN My employer flew me to metro Frankfurt for work, so I decided to scout out a new FKK that's a little further from where I stay. I took the train from Frankfurt Hauptbanhof 30 minutes to Friedrichsdorf, a pretty outer suburb bordering on rural. Helps to know a few words of German but very navigable--get the Deutsche Bahn app. From there, 14 Euros gets you a 15 minute cab ride to FKK Oase. It's a bit out in the sticks, it looks like you're going through open fields then Oase and its characteristic pillars hit you on the right. The parking lot was full, including a few cabs waiting to take people back to Friedrichsdorf. On arrival, you drive through rows of faux-Roman columns--that's the decor here, theme of antiquity, some Roman, some Greek, some Egyptian throws in. LAYOUT You come right in to a small booth where they take your 65 Euro entry fee, give you a key and wristband, and explain the rules and the fees. 50 for half an hour with BBBJ (I never paid extra for it), 50 for GFE, 50 for an extra 30 minutes, 100 for the back door. Individual girls may charge more but at least you know the going rate. Make a left and you'll get your robe, towel, and slippers. From this central location, on the left is the bar and a chilling area with slot machines, and where they play nonstop porn to rile you up. Not a lot of people there on this gorgeous day. Make a right, and down a flight of stairs is a standard FKK men's locker room. Lock up your stuff, freshen up. It's decorated with beautiful naked women, often kissing or eating each other out. Nice touch. Even the urinals were shaped like a woman's lips (OK, that's a bit much but some of you are into that kind of thing). Make a left coming out of the locker room and you'll get to the spa area. You can get non-erotic massages, relax in the hot tub with a girl, attend the restaurant right there, or go outside. Outside there are a couple shops, and up the stairs was the main social area. A pool, benches, cabanas, lounge chairs, even some sports (basketball, soccer, volleyball) with co-ed play. It's a little weird for this American to see guys with their ding dongs flopping about playing volleyball, but when in Oase, I suppose. Most of the action seems to be around the pool, where girls will approach you and hawk their wares. ATMOSPHERE On this holiday Monday, I would estimate 30 girls and 40 guys. Guys seemed like mostly locals, at least from all the German I heard spoken, tended to be older and according to the girls, married. Girls mostly Eastern and Southern European, with an emphasis on Romanian girls. Only non-white girl that caught my eye was a Dominican, to be mentioned later. HUSTLE FACTOR If Sharks is a 10/10, this is a 7/10. You'll be approached early and often, but if you stand your ground, they're not going to force it for a long time like Sharks girls. FOOD/DRINKS At the front desk you buy token for beer/wine for 5 Euros and hard liquor for 10, and give them at the bar. Only cash. They had a buffet with some chicken breast, cheese ravioli, German sausage, bread, and salad. Not gourmet but satisfying. LADIES AND SERVICES Ah, now what you came here for. Mostly Romanians, some Italians, some Moldovans, tending towards the slender. Wide range of body types ranging from As to DDs, butts from non-existent to plump (though rarely hip hop-dancer plump). Girls approached, but I wanted to relax and see the full population of girls before I committed. Today my type was slightly exotic with large natural breasts. Prices described above. This time, I took Yasmine, a buxom Italian lady, to the back. We explored each other nicely, very responsive, finishing with CFS. The second time, I took Luna, a dark skinned Dominican girl. We took a little time to get to know each other, and she offered me a discount since I could speak Spanish with her! Very sweet, an artist with her mouth, also CFS, extremely responsive, highly recommended. After these two, I had to head back, but if I didn't have to work tomorrow I might have stayed for a third pop. CONCLUSION It wasn't as much better than Sharks as I expected, partly due to my inability to stay to peak hours. I liked a little more diversity (but wanted even more) and a little less predatory atmosphere, as well as the chance to be outside with girls (they never go outside). If I can swing the time, I'd love to check out Sharks again or Mainhattan later this week, though it might be difficult. Still, it's an FKK, which makes it far and away better than anything stateside.

COMING IN (unchanged) Boardroom Cabaret sits a quarter-mile off Route 24 in a middle-class commercial area full of strip malls. Thankfully, there's a Bank of America ATM another quarter-mile up the road if you need one. The building is huge from the outside, it looks like a full-on party center. Parking lot is also large. You can enter via a ramp or a stairs leading up to the entrance. I came at about 4:00 on a Saturday. There is no cover until 7pm. LAYOUT (unchanged) Very well decorated and maintained, "upscale" even. At ground level, you come in and (starting left, going clockwise) you see a small LD area (not the main one), a huge stage leading up to the second floor with a giant video display (that plays music videos and even gives the name/artist), underneath the stage is a larger LD area with couches, the main seating area, a large bar with high seats on one side, and low ones and couches on the other, then the bathrooms. Bathrooms look like a Michelin-starred restaurant's from the outside, and a McDonalds with claustrophobic stalls inside. Up top is a mezzanine with VIP rooms. ATMOSPHERE Pretty dead. After Saturday as a sausage- and regulars-fest at Desire, I tried my luck a little closer to home and came up empty. There were very few girls when I arrived and no more when I left. A bunch of guys and a civvie woman chilled at the stage, and a few middle-aged guys chilled at the bar. A couple younger guys came in later and cracked jokes about being invited to a swinger’s club. Hustle factor was low. I wasn’t approached by any dancers, only the massage lady (too old to call her a girl). FOOD AND DRINK I wasn’t in a drinking mood, and they didn’t have energy drinks, so I just had a bottle of water for $4.75. LADIES AND SERVICES I got a neck rub from Joelle for $10. It was OK, though I was hoping for a more serious massage for my tight ass neck. I saw a few ladies go on stage: Jamie – Cute young blonde, average breasts, nice bum. I couldn’t tell from too far away. Imani – Cute, medium height Latina with long curvy hair, smallish breasts, gorgeous bum. Caprice – Asian with a cute face, moderate breasts. I recall her having a gorgeous backside from my last visit but didn’t stay long after she got on stage. A decent-looking redhead whose name I forget. I didn’t buy any dances, but last time the base rate was $20 with some girls charging quoting customers more. They’re in a nice area below the upper stage. VIPs were $90 to the house for 30 minutes, no lower option, and I’ve heard $200-300 for the girl. Only time I’ve gone, it’s been $300. Each has an entryway such that you can’t be seen from the hallway, but no door to close. It does not seem conducive to extras. After 30 minutes here, I decided it wasn’t going to get any better, and left. CONCLUSIONS Look, I understand that 4 pm Saturday won’t draw the marquee talent or crowd, but when the men outnumber the women by more than 2 to 1, that’s not good. Wished I would have stayed in Providence and checked out Foxy or Caddy or Fantasies. Perhaps I’ll try an evening sometime I’m looking for chill lappers in a beautiful atmosphere.

LOCATION (unchanged) Club Desire is very accessible from I-95, located almost under an overpass. While the area is more industrial, I felt safe entering and exiting the locale. Parking lot is ample and spacious, but fills up quickly. There’s a metal detector on the way in. First two visits were Friday afternoons. On the last, I came Sunday at 2pm and it was about half full. LAYOUT (unchanged) As you walk in, from the left clockwise you see: the VIP area, the restrooms, the main stage, the side stage, and two bars. It's on the smaller side but never felt overcrowded. It’s been redecorated with chandeliers/sconces with electric candles, lending it a nice strip club gaudiness. Out back right is the smoking porch and a grill area in the summer. Bathroom is cramped but passable. ATMOSPHERE As usual, mostly middle aged plus white guys. This time, I only saw three girls make an appearance, and what looked like another in street clothes who might have been hanging with a regular. There was no traffic in or out of the dance areas or VIPs either. It was about 10:1 custies:dancers. Horrible. Low hustle factor, as always. If you want to talk to ladies here, it’s best to camp out near the dressing room and catch them on the way in or out, or in the back of a bar and catch them as they walk past. If you plop your ass in a corner and wait to get approached, you’re a ghost. PRICES To repeat prices, dances are $25 topless $30 nude, VIP $40 to the club and $100 to the girl for 15 minutes plus whatever else you agree on. FOOD AND DRINKS My usual Ketel One on the rocks was $15. Drink cards give you $25 value for $20, and are a good deal. LADIES AND SERVICES There were only three ladies here! Kendall, cute brunette with medium-sized tits. Spent most of her time with regulars. Jada, tall, leggy, tatted but plain-faced AA. Rosalie, petite brunette with glasses and dyed red hair. Not at all my type. Another Hispanic girl looked to be an off-duty dancer hanging with a regular. OVERALL I haven’t been here on a Sunday afternoon in some time, and this reminded me why. I would have thought on a rainy, overcast day, more dancers would be in the club trying to make some bucks. Instead, I was greeted by another sausagefest. I had one drink here then decided to hit the road. Avoid Saturday afternoons and especially Sunday afternoons here.

LOCATION (unchanged) Mickey’s is about 5 minutes from I-95 in a quiet, suburban area. It looks like a former dive bar or VFW hall from the outside. No safety concerns, the neighborhood was very quiet. LAYOUT (unchanged) It’s a giant rectangular one-floor layout, with a 30’ x 20’ or so bar in the center on which the girls dance for tips. There was another stage with a pole in the front-left corner, that wasn’t being used. Back left are the 4 dance booths. Back right is the dressing room. Front right are the bathrooms—clean but not luxurious, they remind me of a school—and two pool tables. A couple small TVs throughout. ATMOSPHERE I arrived at 6:45 pm on a Friday night. When I got there, there were 6 dancers and maybe 4 guys, a fairly calm, middle-aged crowd. There’s a dollar parade at the bar, so bring your singles. Cover was $5. HUSTLE FACTOR Medium. They’ll approach you, as you might expect from a dollar parade, and ask for dances, but they won’t hard sell you or try to guilt you if they see you aren’t interested. FOOD/DRINKS Absolut on the rocks was $9, and a vodka/Red Bull for a girl was $8. Odd that a premium menu item would be so cheap. LADIES AND SERVICES Of the 6 girls, three were hot and I got dances. Three were old or fat (beyond BBW) and white, and not of interest to me. The hot ones were all black/Latina. After a few minutes of the dollar parade, I got approached by a Latina (I think) named Coco with a killer rack. I took her to the back ($20 to the house for 5 minutes) and paid her $60 for a little extra touching (and mouth roaming) but nothing special. Wouldn’t have paid for the extra-handsy (but not extras) dance again. A few more minutes of the dollar parade and got approached by Roxy, a hot, older Cape Verdean. Very nice lady, I bought her a drink and we talked for a bit before dances. I took her to the back and got a decent dance, nothing special. I wasn’t in the mood for more at the time. Last lady of interest was Royalty, a thinner (but not too thin) AA chick. Definitely had the best energy back there. Best dance of the night. I tipped $100. CONCLUSION I was pleasantly surprised. I wanted a change of pace from the usual joints, and expected to head down to Providence disappointed, but actually had a good time. It just takes a good girl (or three) to make it a worthwhile trip.

LOCATION (unchanged) Club Desire is very accessible from I-95, located almost under an overpass. While the area is more industrial, I felt safe entering and exiting the locale. Parking lot is ample and spacious, but fills up quickly. There’s a metal detector on the way in. First two visits were Friday afternoons. On the last, I came Monday at 3:00 and it was a little more than half full. LAYOUT (unchanged) As you walk in, from the left clockwise you see: the VIP area, the restrooms, the main stage, the side stage, and two bars. It's on the smaller side but never felt overcrowded. It’s been redecorated with chandeliers/sconces with electric candles, lending it a nice strip club gaudiness. Out back right is the smoking porch and a grill area in the summer. Bathroom is cramped but passable. The toilet seat isn’t anchored to the toilet, forcing you to brace with both legs to take a dump. Desire management, please fix this. ATMOSPHERE As usual, mostly middle aged plus white guys. Low hustle factor, I only got approached by one girl (who scratched my back and promptly went back to her regular) and no pressure sales. All three visits had an unfavorable ratio of customers to dancers, and as usual, a lot of dancers (especially the more desirable ones) got tied up with regulars for a long time. It seems like the dancers here have long memories—if you told them “no” a couple months ago, they won’t approach you that visit. At least it’s kept ROBs I’ve mentioned in past reviews away. If you want to talk to ladies here, it’s best to camp out near the dressing room and catch them on the way in or out, or in the back of a bar and catch them as they walk past. If you plop your ass in a corner and wait to get approached, you’re a ghost. PRICES To repeat prices, dances are $25 topless $30 nude, VIP $40 to the club and $100 to the girl for 15 minutes plus whatever else you agree on. FOOD AND DRINKS My usual Ketel One on the rocks was $15. Drink cards give you $25 value for $20, and are a good deal. Food isn’t Nobu, but it’s palatable and filling. It’s a great move to keep customers from going out and never coming back (though there is some damn good Italian food in Providence—a great way to cap off a day of clubbing in Providence, or wait for the full shift change). LADIES AND SERVICES The first two visits were very forgettable. It seems like dancers are getting whiter, taller, and thicker. Fewer spinners, fewer AA, Latina, or Asian. The third visit, today, had some good ones. About a dozen girls total. My fave and VIP choice was Abby, taller, thicker white girl with huge natural breasts, and a nice big soft ass (without getting into cellulite territory). I did 2 topless songs in the back, she had great energy and loved letting me caress those giant boobs. I deemed her worthy of a VIP, and took her back there where I had a good time. Her rates are pretty standard for nowadays ($100 increments). I also saw Bruna, she of the giant Brazilian breasts. As usual, she has a fan following. Kai, the Asian/Latina, was there. She and I tipped Abby on stage at the same time, but I’ve never done more with her. Vega, the larger Latina, was there. Had a mediocre VIP with her in one of my last reviews. One petite, built Latina. Might have been Renesmee or Vida or maybe a girl I haven’t seen before. Very cute, either way. Only one who might have been AA or dark Latina. Taller, on the thinner side. I think her name was Alia. One tatted spinner whose name I didn’t get. Not my type, but maybe she’s yours? There was another taller, buxom brunette white girl or Latina (couldn’t tell) that’s on my radar for future visits, but she was tied up with a regular most of the time. OVERALL This place has become hit-or-miss with more misses over the last 3 months. I’m not going to make the trip very often for a .333 average, but unlike MC the other day, if one of the Providence clubs is weak, there are several others in the area. I won’t go out of my way to come here unless I’m horny with an afternoon to kill. Desertscrub has an itty bitty teeny tiny little pee pee.

(Directions, layout, drink prices same as my last review) THE PLACE Millennium Cabaret is up Route 3, in the sticks about 10 minutes outside of Manchester. Very pretty drive up from Mass this time of year. I arrived at 7:00 PM on a Saturday and stayed for an hour. Crowd was pretty chill. LAYOUT AND ATMOSPHERE MC is huge, the size of a banquet hall. As you walk in, the dance/VIP areas are off to the right in a separate section of the building. Go straight ahead through the front door and you’ll see a side stage, a main stage, and spaced-out tables throughout. The bar is against the back wall and very long. A third side stage lay near the bathrooms on the far-left wall. Also in that area was what looked like a raised fine dining area. Bathrooms are on the far left side, and passably clean. Cover was $10. Not sure what time it takes effect. FOOD/DRINKS My Ketel One on the rocks was $14 with a light pour (inflation—holy shit. It was south of $10 at my last visit!) LADIES One of the things I like is that they do a dancer parade every hour, so you can see just who’s on duty (and leave if there’s no one to your liking). There were 8 girls, a couple Hispanic-looking and the rest white. Today, most of them were forgettable. At best, “New Hampshire hot,” and definitely wouldn’t stand out in Providence. Few of them were occupied with regulars, but I didn’t stay very long. They dance on stage in 2-song sets. Hustle factor has gone up here to a “medium.” You’ll be approached by girls whose first line is “wanna dance?” And if you ask them to introduce themselves, it turns into “Hi, I’m so-and-so, wanna dance?” I got in, grabbed a drink, and was quickly approached by Gigi, a cute, thinner Latina-looking girl with tons of piercings and tattoos. I’m not into the body modification look, but maybe you are. She seemed sweet, actually bothered to strike up a short conversation, but I wasn’t feeling her so I sent her on her way. Next to approach was Charlene, a tall white girl with wavy brown hair—picture a classic hippie only hotter and cleaner looking. Killer legs, nice breasts, I thought I’d take her for a spin. Got 2 songs, my “starter package” to feel her out and quickly regretted it. I couldn’t have gotten less contact if I told her I was a leper. No grind, when her gorgeous breasts brushed against my face I think it was an accident. A lot of thrusting in the air. Would not repeat. By that point, my mood had soured, but I saw one Latina I wanted to give a run. She approached me right after the dancer parade and her first line was “wanna dance?” I slowed her down for a minute, but I did want a dance to redeem the night. Not a lot of contact in the first song, then she starts rubbing my junk while trying to upsell to a VIP. When I declined, she stopped. At least her ass bounced on my lap a bit. I decided to cut my losses, and with nothing else in the area, headed home. SERVICES Topless dances are $30 per song. You can get a full nude VIP, 3 songs for $100, or 20 minutes for $200, or 30 minutes for $300. I don’t know if you get 2-for-1’s on Tuesdays. You won’t get extras here. VIP is in a highly trafficked area behind a sheer curtain. CONCLUSION It was an evening to forget. A highly overpriced drink. Two sets of dances, one horrible, one mediocre with a ton of upselling. No one on my radar for return visits. I won’t be headed back up Route 3 any time soon.

COMING IN (largely unchanged) My employer already had me in metro Frankfurt for work, so I decided to take advantage of a day off. I arrived at FKK Sharks at 3:30 on Friday, via the German train system (Deutsche Bahn) to Darmstadt Hauptbahnhof and a taxi. The German train system is clean and navigable for an American, though it helps to know a little bit of German. From there, it's a 10 minute, 11 Euro cab ride to Sharks. It's located on a highly commercial street with a lot of auto-related businesses, with the door tucked in the back. It seems like this is the preferred mode of arrival, as there's always cabs there waiting to take people back to Darmstadt Hbf. LAYOUT (unchanged except for seasonal differences) You come in, and there's a desk at the right where you pay the 65 Euro admission fee (discounted to 50, I believe, on Wednesdays). You get a robe, a towel, a pair of slippers, and a key. The locker room is on the left. Go in there, you throw your stuff in a locker, shower up, and hit the floor. The main area reminds me of an "upscale" strip club, with the vivid lighting and general layout. The rectangular bar is about 10 x 30 and sits in the middle. I'll describe each major area in cardinal directions from the bar as you walk in. On the left are some video slot machines, the buffet (more on that later) and the outside. It's late fall, so it was closed. Straight back from the bar is a stripper pole and small stage that was unused. Back left lie some private rooms. Straight back are some stairs for more rooms and a jacuzzi on the second floor. Back right are some areas just to lounge around in front of TVs. A lot of girls sat around here and smoked. On the right lie a corridor to some more rooms and areas to lounge around and mingle, as well as a stairway up to more rooms. I think a lot of the rooms up here are "themed" (I didn't partake) and cost extra. ATMOSPHERE I would estimate 40 girls and about as many guys. Mostly Germans who ended the workweek early, anything from twenty-somethings to seventy-somethings.. Those familiar with my body of work remember 4 major complaints I had. One, the cigarette smoking. It was harsher than usual, expected since there's no "outside" to smoke in. Two, the hustle factor. It's still there. These girls are, pardon the pun, sharks. If you want any alone time, you'll have to tell them no five times or get up and walk away. Three, there isn't much to do here other than lay around or bang. There aren't many TVs, and the ones they have are at poor angles. There are no stage shows. You aren't allowed to have your phone inside either. It is what it is. HUSTLE FACTOR As high as you'll find anywhere. These ladies know how to work it. Prepare to be hustled early, often, by people who know how. If a working girl latches onto you, you'll have to be insistent, bordering on rude, to shake her. FOOD/DRINKS My double Absoluts on the rocks were 15 Euros. Pricey, but not astronomical. They give you a wristband with your locker key and a sensor that tracks purchases. At 5, a dinner buffet opened up. It wasn't Michelin starred but not bad at all--they had a few salads, a decent cut of sauteed beef, chicken on the bone, turkey in a cream sauce, and cheese pizza. LADIES AND SERVICES There were about 40 girls here. And that's my fourth complaint, that there's not a ton of ethnic variety. It's Little Romania. A couple of the girls I saw claimed to be Spanish or Italian, but their accents didn't fit. A couple more "exotic" looking ones, maybe they had some Middle Eastern blood. I saw a range of body types--you've got boobs ranging from As to DDs, butts ranging from nonexistent to plump. If you love Eastern European girls, you'll be very, very happy. Prices are as follows: 50 Euros gets you 30 minutes, CBJ/CFS 50 more Euros extends it to an hour, if you think you can last that long 50 more Euros gets you GFE, some kissing, nipple sucking, ball licking, DATY, BBBJ. Every time I've sprung for it, it's more intimacy than the base rate, but still somewhat mechanical. 100 more Euros gets you the back door. Most girls offer it. But unless you really want anal, it's not worth it. This session, I tried two girls at the same time, which I never tried before. It was fun and something different, getting worked by one girl while kissing, sucking, or DATYing the other one. They came together; it wasn't just two random girls I picked out; but they seemed reluctant to do too much with one another. They just acted perfunctory in kissing or pleasuring each other. It was fun and different, but reinforced my pre-existing belief that women are best enjoyed one at a time. This session, a couple girls remembered me from last time. And I remembered them, so I know it wasn't _just_ a ploy. I picked one of them, an Italian, for a second fairly sedate roll in the hay. CONCLUSION It was a fun time, and I tried something different. But I didn't have as good a time as the last couple visits. Maybe with the outside closed, there's no escape from the hustle; maybe I was expecting more variety than my last visit a few months ago. In retrospect I might have tried Oase or one of the other clubs in the area. The whole point of a club like this is variety. Still, you could do a lot worse.

COMING IN (largely unchanged) I arrived at 1:30pm on Friday. Centerfolds is a mile off the Mass Pike, located amidst a bunch of small, industrial sorts of businesses, mostly car lots. They re-sided the building, making it look more presentable, but isn’t much different in the inside. Half the parking lot is paved and nice, half is pretty beat up (but it used to be suspension-wrecking bad). Rickety looking building, but get this, they filled in the craters in the front of the parking lot. It isn’t paved, but at least you won’t wreck your suspension. LAYOUT (unchanged) Centerfolds is super dark and lit red, it took my eyes a few minutes to adjust. The stage is large, 10 x 30 or so and takes up most of the room, with tables all around and a small bar to the right. Dance rooms and VIP are on the left, in the back. Dance area isn’t very visible from the main room, but isn’t private. You’ll be getting dances in the presence of others. Looking into the private area, the VIP is on the right, and separated by slotted doors. For what they did with the outside, they still haven’t scraped the dried gum off the tables, and the bathrooms still smelled like urinal cake and stale piss. ATMOSPHERE There were about 8 girls and 3 guys including myself. I couldn’t tell anything about the guys; too dark. Besides, you’re not reading this for info about the clientele. HUSTLE FACTOR High—you’ll get approached repeatedly, and the girls aren’t shy about rubbing your junk and putting your hands on their goodies in public. Dismiss one, and another will follow within two minutes. Don’t come here if you want to just nurse a drink and watch stage shows. FOOD/DRINKS/COVER My Ketel One on the rocks was $12 with a decent pour. I did not order food, nor buy a lady a drink. They took a $5 cover charge (rises to $20 after 7 pm) with the first drink. LADIES AND SERVICES There were 8 or so girls; Andrea (skinnier, taller Latina), Khaleesi (older white or Hispanic lady, not my type), Lucy (my regular here, older Dominican lady who’s gotten a ton of surgery but is still hot), Luna (older Colombian lady with a pixie haircut but a nice body), Sky (older, rather plain white woman), Ileana (Dominican looking Latina with an enhanced chest and almost comical hip-to-waist ratio), and a couple others (one white gothy-looking and one who looked AA) whose names I didn’t get. Ladies tend towards Latina, buxom (some natural some enhanced) and older if you’re into that kind of thing. They were either sitting around on their phones or swooping in on guys like hawks. I got one dance from Ileana, who gives a killer dance—high mileage, fast yet sensual—but I didn’t have a ton of time so 1 dance was my limit ($30—it’s on a sign so no one can cheat). In the past, I’ve gotten the VIP--$60 to the house and $200 to the girl. As everywhere, YMMV and privacy back there is more concept than reality. Ileana, Luna, and Lucy have all given good VIPs. CONCLUSION On an early Friday afternoon, the girls are hungry to make a buck and know how to get it out of you. It’s not a relaxed experience. When there are more guys, the hustle factor drops slightly—or at least it gets spread out more. It’s a more expensive, less extras-factory version of Pleasant Moments Bridgeport. Visit accordingly.

(CLUB AD) Wasn’t Feeling It LOCATION (unchanged) Club Desire is very accessible from I-95, located almost under an overpass. While the area is more industrial, I felt safe entering and exiting the locale. Parking lot is ample and spacious, but fills up quickly. There’s a metal detector on the way in. I came Saturday at 1:30 and it was a little more than half full. LAYOUT (unchanged) As you walk in, from the left clockwise you see: the VIP area, the restrooms, the main stage, the side stage, and two bars. It's on the smaller side but never felt overcrowded. It’s been redecorated with chandeliers/sconces with electric candles, lending it a nice strip club gaudiness. Out back right is the smoking porch and a grill area in the summer. Bathroom is cramped but passable. The toilet seat isn’t anchored to the toilet, forcing you to brace with both legs to take a dump. Desire management, please fix this. ATMOSPHERE For a weekend, this visit was almost all middle aged or older white guys. More of a weekdayish crowd. Low hustle factor, I didn’t get approached by anyone I didn’t already know and no pressure sales. It seems like the dancers here have long memories—if you told them “no” a couple months ago, they won’t approach you that visit. At least it’s kept ROBs I’ve mentioned in past reviews away. If you want to talk to ladies here, it’s best to camp out near the dressing room and catch them on the way in or out, or in the back of a bar and catch them as they walk past. If you plop your ass in a corner and wait to get approached, you’re a ghost. PRICES To repeat prices, dances are $25 topless $30 nude, VIP $40 to the club and $100 to the girl for 15 minutes. It’s pleasant to see inflation hasn’t hit yet. FOOD AND DRINKS My usual Ketel One on the rocks was $15. Drink cards give you $25 value for $20, and are a good deal. They served chicken stuffed with spinach and potatoes. One of their better entrees. LADIES AND SERVICES There were about 15 girls, and for a change the majority weren’t white. These days, this club seems to have fewer of their typical white GND spinners and more AA/Latinas. A few notables: Sapphire – Couldn’t see her face but had a pretty nice body. Audrey – Back from the Before Days. Delivered in the VIP but I haven’t seen her in years. Sassy – From the friend of mine that loves her, she’s a lot of fun in the VIP. High energy outside, has a fan following, and is a sweetheart. Sheena – Older lady, decent body. Not my type. Julissa – Petite Asian. Curious about her but she’s hard to get hold of. Haze – Taller, slimmer white brunette. Not my type. Toni – Taller black chick, OK face, gorgeous large tits. I got two topless dances from her and she did a great job. Not a ton of grinding but whispering in my ear and kissing around my face, which I’m weak too. We talked about a VIP but her prices are sky high. I didn’t indulge. There was a chunkier, light skinned black chick who’s on my radar for future visits. OVERALL I came when I wasn’t particularly horny, so I got a couple dances, a couple drinks, and left early. The best value nowadays seems to be one- or two-off dances, which haven’t gone up in price. A lot fewer right turns on the way out of the VIP as prices seem to keep climbing. Maybe I’m spoiled from recent FKK trips and a rock-bottom Euro. If you want more deets, PM me. I’m always willing to trade. DESERTSCRUB Call this a club ad if and only if you have a teeny tiny little bitty pee pee.

COMING IN My employer already had me in metro Frankfurt for work, so I decided to take advantage of a day off. I arrived at FKK Sharks at 3:30 on Sunday, via the German train system (Deutsche Bahn) to Darmstadt Hauptbahnhof and a taxi. The German train system is clean and navigable for an American, though it helps to know a little bit of German. From there, it's a 10 minute, 11 Euro cab ride to Sharks. It's located on a highly commercial street with a lot of auto-related businesses, with the door tucked in the back. It seems like this is the preferred mode of arrival, as there's always cabs there waiting to take people back to Darmstadt Hbf. LAYOUT You come in, and there's a desk at the right where you pay the 65 Euro admission fee (discounted to 50, I believe, on Wednesdays). You get a robe, a towel, a pair of slippers, and a key. The locker room is on the left. Go in there, you throw your stuff in a locker, shower up, and hit the floor. The main area reminds me of an "upscale" strip club, with the vivid lighting and general layout. The rectangular bar is about 10 x 30 and sits in the middle. I'll describe each major area in cardinal directions from the bar as you walk in. On the left are some video slot machines, the buffet (more on that later) and the outside. Walk out the doors and you'll see a large area ringed by saunas, a pool with lounge chairs (it was about 60F and some were still in the pool), and further back some shaded chairs to lounge in. Few girls came out here. I think this is where guys came to get a break from being accosted. Straight back from the bar is a stripper pole and small stage that was unused. Back left lie some private rooms. Straight back are some stairs for more rooms and a jacuzzi on the second floor. Back right are some areas just to lounge around in front of TVs. A lot of girls sat around here and smoked. On the right lie a corridor to some more rooms and areas to lounge around and mingle, as well as a stairway up to more rooms. I think a lot of the rooms up here are "themed" (I didn't partake) and cost extra. ATMOSPHERE I would estimate 40 girls and about as many guys. Compared to my last visit, the patrons trended German and Middle Eastern. Couldn't pick out other Yanks and only a couple Japanese. Those familiar with my body of work remember 4 major complaints I had. One, the cigarette smoking. It wasn't as bad this time, maybe fewer smokers or better exhaust fans. Either way, it wasn't burning my eyes and noses. Two, the hustle factor. It's still there. Within 5 minutes I had one girl and a couple pairs accosting me to go right back to bang. They'll take no for an answer, and I think after you've turned a couple away, the rest will give you some room. Three, there's not much to do other than lay around or bang. Three, there isn't much to do here other than lay around or bang. There aren't many TVs, and the ones they have are at poor angles. There are no stage shows. You aren't allowed to have your phone inside either. With those improvements (or learning how to navigate the scene better), it was more tolerable. FOOD/DRINKS My double Absoluts on the rocks were 15 Euros. Pricey, but not astronomical. They give you a wristband with your locker key and a sensor that tracks purchases. At 5, a dinner buffet opened up. It wasn't Michelin starred but not bad at all--they had a couple salads, fries, couscous, chicken on the bone, meat lasagna, pork in some Bolognese sort of sauce, and some cakes. LADIES AND SERVICES There were about 40 girls here. And that's my fourth complaint, that there's not a ton of ethnic variety. It's Little Romania, with a handful of Germans, Moldovans, Italians, Greeks, a Middle Eastern girl or two. I didn't see any black or Asian girls there. Still, I saw a range of body types--you've got boobs ranging from As to DDs, butts ranging from nonexistent to plump. If you love Eastern European girls, you'll be very, very happy. Prices are very a la carte. 50 Euros will get you half an hour, and covered BJ/FS. If you want BBBJ, CIM/on body, kissing, that's another 50. Anal runs you another 100. You can pay extra for BBBJ if you like but some girls will get into it and do it free of charge. I wouldn't pay for GFE again as it won't get you a lot of kissing, let alone the fingering, mutual oral, etc that makes it a real GFE. I took a tall, fairly slender Moldovan girl with soft natural B's to the back. She had two-tone hair which I love and some of the softest skin I ever felt. We agreed on half an hour, BBBJ, anal for 200 Euros total. We took our time with the BBBJ, moved to her riding me, then some anal, then back to missionary for the finish. I tipped her 20 and it was money well spent. Later, I took a Macedonian girl with giant DDs and a bigger butt. I would have guessed she was Middle Eastern from looking at her. I got the basics plus kissing, and a long session of good old fashioned FS, her on top then doggy for the finish. I paid 100, tipped 20 more, and we both left happy. CONCLUSION Auf geht's Deutschland! An experience unlike anything I've gotten in the states. Like I said, this isn't a strip club, it's a brothel. Come in to drink with some Eastern European hotties, then bang in the back room. I left happy with a couple more relaxed and intimate sessions than I'd normally spend for one semi-rushed ITC session in the states. With the Euro and Dollar at parity, your money will go a long way. TOTAL DAMAGE 65 Euros admission 45 Euros drinks 220 Euros first girl 120 Euros second girl That's 450 total for some primo memories.

LOCATION (unchanged) Club Desire is very accessible from I-95, located almost under an overpass. While the area is more industrial, I felt safe entering and exiting the locale. Parking lot is ample and spacious, but fills up quickly. There’s a metal detector on the way in. I came Thursday at 2:30 and it was maybe 3/4 full, Friday at 4 and it was pretty packed, and Saturday at 3 and it was about 2/3 full. LAYOUT (unchanged) As you walk in, from the left clockwise you see: the VIP area, the restrooms, the main stage, the side stage, and two bars. It's on the smaller side but never felt overcrowded. It’s been redecorated with chandeliers/sconces with electric candles, lending it a nice strip club gaudiness. Out back right is the smoking porch and a grill area in the summer. Bathroom is cramped but passable. The toilet seat isn’t anchored to the toilet, forcing you to brace with both legs to take a dump. Desire management, please fix this. ATMOSPHERE Pretty chill all visits. Mostly middle aged or older white guys. They display CNBC on one of the TVs and afternoon baseball on another—they know their audience. Low hustle factor, I didn’t get approached by anyone I didn’t already know and no pressure sales. PRICES To repeat prices, dances are $25 topless $30 nude, VIP $40 to the club and $100 to the girl for 15 minutes. It’s pleasant to see inflation hasn’t hit yet. FOOD AND DRINKS My usual Ketel One on the rocks was $15. Drink cards give you $25 value for $20, and are a good deal. Friday, they fired up the grill for burgers, chicken sandwiches, and hot dogs. It’s not Nobu, but it’ll fill you up. LADIES AND SERVICES Thursday and Friday, there were about 20 girls, maybe 12 white, 5 Latina, 2-3 black and 1 Asian. I saw a bunch of new girls with actual plump breasts and butts, just how the Big T likes them. This has me interested in visiting more frequently. Saturday there were about 10, 50/50 white/Latina with 1 AA in there, and more girls than guys—weekend afternoons here suck. I didn’t stay long enough to keep a log of names of who went onstage, and the DJ is usually unintelligible. I’ll talk about the girls I got dances from, or otherwise interacted with. Aisha (Thursday) – lightish-skinned black lady with short blonde hair, nice-sized manmade tits. Sweet personality, gave a decent dance in the VIP but nothing more. Karma (Thursday) – medium-skinned black lady with longer hair, larger natural breasts and pierced nipples (won’t let you touch, too sensitive!). Again, decent dance, hinted at having a menu but very expensive. Luna (Friday) – Latina, smallish breasts and a big butt. Very nice to talk to. Got a couple regular dances, not bad but nothing to write how about. Kaylani (Friday) – Medium height Asian (hard to tell with those giant heels) with platinum-blonde hair, nice natural breasts and a plump booty. I waved her down coming out of the locker room, got to conversating about the club and life in general. She said she’s been here 2 months, and works a mix of days and nights. I took her for a 2-song audition to the dance room. Got a great, enthusiastic grind from the front and the back, got me good and riled up for the VIP. And the VIP got even better, plenty of two-way contact. Left very happy—will definitely see her again. Saturday I wasn’t feeling it and didn’t get any. OVERALL It seems Club Desire is back on the upswing. I’m happy to see a return of women with womanly physiques here, as well as some new talent. But there’s a weird paradox here; the more “off-peak” the time, the better the talent and the ratios. On the weekends, this place becomes a Palace of Penis. Friday afternoons are better. Monday through Thursday afternoons have the hottest women and best gender ratios. DESERTSCRUB You’re going to call this a club ad, but it’s going to get approved because it’s well-written, well-organized, and adds value. Cope harder, motherfucker!

LOCATION Club Fantasies is a few blocks away from Providence Place mall, located in an industrial strip just off the railroad tracks. I arrived at about 4:00 pm on a Saturday afternoon and the lot was about a third full. The building is covered in blue-green tiles with neon signage. LAYOUT Only the downstairs is open, pass through a metal detector, and walk in. It’s pretty gaudy with bright lights and neon, but that works with the strip club vibe. The bar areas are pretty large, a horseshoe maybe 25 feet on a side as you walk in, and another one on the far side of the stage (I didn’t go there). In the back is what looks like the lap dance area where there used to be booths. Bathrooms on the right side of the entrance, they were passable. ATMOSPHERE A bit younger with some Latino and white guys, mostly kept to themselves, roughly 1:1 guy to girl ratio. FOOD AND DRINK My Ketel One on the rocks was an exorbitant $17 and was definitely watered down. I know what my favorite vodka tastes like. I had just had one elsewhere and this tasted half as strong. The bartender offered to bring the manager by, but I said I just wanted to eat my food and get the fuck out. I had a crispy chicken wrap for $12 that took a long ass time and was more lettuce than chicken. LADIES AND SERVICES There were about 8 of the same type, tall, thin Latina (one maybe AA) with small breasts but decent butts. Only one approached me, Alicia, a slightly older Brazilian lady who left abruptly when she quoted me the overpriced dance prices ($15 for the room, $30 per song to the girl) and I said it was too expensive. CONCLUSION Complete shit show. I won’t be returning. Nuff said.

LOCATION (unchanged) Club Desire is very accessible from I-95, located almost under an overpass. While the area is more industrial, I felt safe entering and exiting the locale. Parking lot is ample and spacious, but fills up quickly. There’s a metal detector on the way in; this is where the bouncer once touched desertscrub on his tiny little pee pee and made it stand up, leaving him confused as to whether or not he was a real man. LAYOUT (unchanged) As you walk in, from the left clockwise you see: the VIP area, the restrooms, the main stage, the side stage, and two bars. It's on the smaller side but never felt overcrowded. It’s been redecorated with chandeliers/sconces with electric candles, lending it a nice strip club gaudiness. Out back right is the smoking porch and a grill area in the summer. Bathroom is cramped but passable. The toilet seat isn’t anchored to the toilet, forcing you to brace with both legs to take a dump. Desire management, please fix this. Scrub, please call this a club ad if you have a small penis. ATMOSPHERE Pretty chill both visits. Mostly middle aged or older white guys. Wednesday it was fellow mongers who called it a workday early. PRICES To repeat prices, dances are $25 topless $30 nude, VIP $40 to the club and $100 to the girl for 15 minutes. It’s pleasant to see inflation hasn’t hit yet. FOOD AND DRINKS My usual Ketel One on the rocks was $15. Drink cards give you $25 value for $20, and are a good deal. LADIES AND SERVICES - SUNDAY AFTERNOON I came at 4:15 on a Sunday. What used to be the best time to come here is now arguably the worst. According to a couple girls, since it was a beautiful day, a lot of girls were bound to no-show. Sunday sounds like a good time to see some girls with a cult following—most notably Kai and Ivana—but below was a pretty complete list. No bueno. Scrub, please call this a club ad if you have a micropenis. Miley – ***ROB ALERT*** Bottle blonde with a cute face, average size body. I wanted to get a VIP before I left on the horrible Sunday. We get to the back and she tells me “by the way, I charge $150 for just dances.” I hadn’t thought to ask what she charges, because in my 15+ years of patronizing this place, no one has _ever_ upcharged me for VIP dances alone. I should have walked out, but decided to take one for the team. She offered me more, but pulled this used car salesman shit of “what’s your budget” and “well, I like expensive things.” She spent the first 3 minutes either talking or wiping my hands with a wipe (I always club with impeccable hygiene) and most of the dance time rubbing my crotch in a manner that I thought was intended to give me a friction burn. AVOID MILEY! Jada – Larger (not fat, but just tall and thick) black girl. Not my type, did a stage set than disappeared. Rosie – Buxom Latina, cute face, a little BBWish with some baby damage but still very cute. Should have gone with her, but she disappeared. Jane – White BBW. She actually approached me but I wasn’t attracted. Lacey – Petite brunette with a nice bum. If you’re into more petite girls, go for it. Ivana – Petite white/Eastern European girl. Not my type but has quite a fan following. LADIES AND SERVICES - WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON I came at 1:00 on a Wednesday. I was pleasantly surprised. There were about 20 girls, mostly white, a few Latina, 1-2 AA, 1 Asian. I didn’t stay long, so I didn’t get a ton of names, but there were more of my preferred taller/buxom types. Alanna – Tall, Spanish beauty with nice medium/large manmades and killer legs. She didn’t remember me from the last time, but I took her back to the VIP and had a second great experience. She charges a bit more than the going rate, but she delivers, and even offered me a discount on my next time. Sheena – Older woman with manmades and a nice butt. Too old for me. Bruna – Brazilian brunette with the most perfect set of huge, gorgeous breasts I have ever seen. She has given me a decent VIP in the past, but isn’t cheap. Melissa – ***ROB ALERT*** Brazilian whose implant scars look like they were performed with a chainsaw. Known for trying to steal other girls’ customers, demanding extra tip, or insisting you agreed to an exorbitant going rate for dances. She knows not to make eye contact with me, because I never forget an ROB. AVOID MELISSA! Reggae(sp?) – Petite white brunette. Good one, if you’re into that type. Not my type. OVERALL There seems to be a pattern with recent reviews here, Sunday day shifts are a dud. I don’t know many other clubs where midweek days are the best time to come, but that seems to be the pattern here. Like Scrub’s tired claims of everything here being a club ad, I’m not seeing a lot of variety or reasons to keep returning. Still, there are a couple old reliables (like Alanna) who are worth making the trip.

COMING IN My employer already had me in metro Frankfurt for work, so I decided to take advantage of a day off. I arrived at FKK Sharks at 12:30 on Thursday, a German Holiday, via the German train system (Deutsche Bahn) to Darmstadt Hauptbahnhof and a taxi. The German train system is clean and navigable for an American, though it helps to know a little bit of German. From there, it's a 10 minute, 11 Euro cab ride to Sharks. It's located on a highly commercial street with a lot of auto-related businesses, with the door tucked in the back. LAYOUT You come in, and there's a desk at the right where you pay the 65 Euro admission fee (discounted to 50, I believe, on Wednesdays). You get a robe, a towel, a pair of slippers, and a key. The locker room is on the left. Go in there, you throw your stuff in a locker, shower up, and hit the floor. The main area reminds me of an "upscale" strip club, with the vivid lighting and general layout. The rectangular bar is about 10 x 30 and sits in the middle. I'll describe each major area in cardinal directions from the bar as you walk in. On the left are some video slot machines, the buffet (more on that later) and the outside. Walk out the doors and you'll see a large area ringed by saunas, a pool with lounge chairs (was a bit cool for bathing), and further back some shaded chairs to lounge in. Few girls came out here. I think this is where guys came to get a break from being accosted. Straight back from the bar is a stripper pole and small stage that was unused. Back left lie some private rooms. Straight back are some stairs for more rooms and a jacuzzi on the second floor. Back right are some areas just to lounge around in front of TVs. A lot of girls sat around here and smoked. On the right lie a corridor to some more rooms and areas to lounge around and mingle, as well as a stairway up to more rooms. I think a lot of the rooms up here are "themed" (I didn't partake) and cost extra. ATMOSPHERE Even at the off-peak time I came, I would estimate 25 girls and about as many guys. One of the girls told me there were more Americans than usual; they looked mixed between Americans, Germans, Middle Eastern, and Japanese. Generally in their 40s and 50s and there to do one thing only. I had four major gripes with the place, and I'll list three of them here. Nummer Eins, more than half the girls and a non-trivial number of guys, smoke cigarettes. If you have a sensitive nose or lungs, it will get to you after a while. It's a mix of stale smoke that has seeped into everything, and fresh smoke. I guess it keeps the girls thin. Nummer Zwei, the hustle factor is moderately high. Girls will approach you and leave in a huff if you aren't ready and willing to do a room with them. Nummer Drei, there isn't much to do here other than lay around or bang. There aren't many TVs, and the ones they have are at poor angles. There are no stage shows. You aren't allowed to have your phone inside either. I left after two sessions, in part, because I wanted to do other things today. FOOD/DRINKS My double Absoluts on the rocks were 15 Euros. Pricey, but not astronomical. The buffet looked like leftover cold cuts and bread from earlier, and did not entice me. Maybe it would have been better for dinner, but I didn't partake. LADIES AND SERVICES There were about 25 girls here, with a few more trickling in as the afternoon progressed. Most were young, white European (especially Eastern European), a mix of blondes and brunettes, tending towards slender, but a handful of large breasted girls there too. Most but not all were natural, though I got approached by a brunette with the grossest looking lip filler. One black girl though I think I saw another coming in as I left. Complaint Nummer Vier, there wasn't a ton of variety; even the big titted girls were lacking in the ass department. I took an Italian girl with nice soft natural D's to the back. She had an exotic, darker look, I would have guessed she was Brazilian. We took one of the "normal" rooms, most of which was taken up by a giant red bed and very well lit. She laid sheets down on it and we went to work. Agreed on half an hour, GFE, covered everything, anal for 300 Euros. I probably paid more than I should have, but I was feeling generous and thinking with the little head. She was a champ and very sweet. After that, I lounged around outside for a bit. After that, I went to the back with a dark haired Romanian girl. Agreed on half an hour, GFE, covered everything, and a lot of me sucking tits, her sucking my balls for 200. The room was similar to the first, only grey. CONCLUSION It blew my mind. It was so far from any strip club experience I've ever had. I wouldn't call it the "best," I've had a couple in US/Canada that, due to other circumstances, were "better," but this one was unique. If you're more into petite white women, have a friend to pass the time with, and a less sensitive nose, you might enjoy it a little more than I did. But if you can swing the trip, do it so you know what's possible.

COMING IN (largely unchanged) I arrived at 6pm on Saturday. Centerfolds is a mile off the Mass Pike, located amidst a bunch of small, industrial sorts of businesses, mostly car lots. Rickety looking building, but get this, they filled in the craters in the front of the parking lot. It isn’t paved, but at least you won’t wreck your suspension. LAYOUT Centerfolds is super dark and lit red, it took my eyes a few minutes to adjust. The stage is large, 10 x 30 or so and takes up most of the room, with tables all around and a small bar to the right. Dance rooms and VIP are on the left, in the back. Dance area isn’t very visible from the main room, but isn’t private. You’ll be getting dances in the presence of others. Looking into the private area, the VIP is on the right, and separated by slotted doors. For what they did with the outside, they still haven’t scraped the dried gum off the tables, and the bathrooms still smelled like urinal cake and stale piss. ATMOSPHERE There were about 15 girls and as many guys, with a fair amount of interaction. They had some Cinco de Mayo thing going on later, but I didn’t stay long enough. Crowd was younger to middle age, a bit more Hispanic and ready to party than usual. FOOD/DRINKS My Ketel One on the rocks was $12 with a decent pour. I did not order food, nor buy a lady a drink. LADIES AND SERVICES There were about 15 girls, dwindling down to 10 as many day shifters packed up and left. If you want Club Desire type young, fit, white spinners, this isn’t your place. Dancers were approximately 50/50 AA/Latina, often long in the tooth and heavy on the cellulite up close, and some a few pounds past the BBW label. However, if like me you like big boobs and a big butt, especially if you don’t mind the latter fake, you’ll find a few gems. I generally find a 25/75 ratio of hotties to notties. I took an AA hottie, Hazel, to the back. She has permed hair, nice soft medium-sized naturals, and a tight butt. She gave me two great dances ($30 each) with a lot of breathing in my ear, junk rubbing, and some heavy acrobatics. She gets my recommendation. As I’m getting ready to leave, I see Lucy, my old reliable, who offers me a VIP discount--$60 to the house and $140 to her. She does the usual walk up, start rubbing my junk and placing my hand on her leg. Then, remember how in my last review, someone walks in on my when I’m having my VIP? This time, the shoe is on the other foot. The doors between the club and the “outer” section of the VIP room are still there, but the door between the “outer” and “inner” section of the VIP room are gone. Lucy and I walk back, and see some poor gentleman obviously getting jacked off back there! Sheepishly, Lucy and I return to the outer section and don’t mention what we saw. The attendant goes back there (I hope the poor guy got to bust) and tells them time is up. Lucy, being the pro she is, scrubs down the area extra good. TL;DR: There is no more privacy in this club. CONCLUSION It only takes a couple girls for dances and VIP to make it a fun clubbing experience, and I had that. But objectively, this place gets trashier and trashier. Come here if you want a downmarket experience, on the chance you’ll find a few big titted big assed hotties to make it worthwhile. And don’t care about privacy.

LOCATION (unchanged) Club Desire is very accessible from I-95, located almost under an overpass. While the area is more industrial, I felt safe entering and exiting the locale. Parking lot is ample and spacious. I arrived at 1:45 pm, and the lot was about 2/3 full. LAYOUT (unchanged) As you walk in, from the left clockwise you see: the VIP area, the restrooms, the main stage, the side stage, and two bars. It's on the smaller side but never felt overcrowded. It’s been redecorated with chandeliers/sconces with electric candles, lending it a nice strip club gaudiness. is the smoking porch. Bathroom is cramped but passable. Thought I saw Cacaplop cleaning the toilet with his tongue. ATMOSPHERE They have a metal detector and a bouncer, but despite me setting it off, they waved me right through. I think this was the guy who touched Desertscrub’s tiny little pee pee and left him permanently insecure in his masculinity. Typical chill Desire Friday afternoon. Lots of middle aged (like me) or older gents who cut out of work early, mix of ethnicities. Calm to the point of being sedate. A few more girls than usual (maybe 1.5 guys per girl) but gender ratio still not favorable, and a lot of them seemed tied up with regulars. The first couple I had my eye on got absconded to Lust or the VIP, and didn’t show up again or for a long while. PRICES To repeat prices, dances are $25 topless $30 nude, VIP $40 to the club and $100 to the girl for 15 minutes. It’s pleasant to see inflation hasn’t hit yet, like Dixie_Normus still offering head behind his high school bleachers for fivers (hey, supply and demand). FOOD AND DRINKS My usual Ketel One on the rocks was $15. Drink cards give you $25 value for $20, and are a good deal. They were offering veal for a meal, but I wasn’t hungry. LADIES AND SERVICES I’d estimate 15-20 girls, mostly white and Latina, maybe three AA. As usual, I didn’t get approached. So man up and approach yourself, you never know when they’ll come by next. To my chagrin, it was mostly the same old ladies. Ladies seen there include: Aurora (Face 8, Body 7), tall, leggy darker-skinned AA, smallish chest, small round booty. Great on the pole. On my radar, but she got taken to Lust before I could approach. Chalk one up to the game. Jasmine (Face 7, Body 6.5), petite light-skinned Hispanic, cute face, smaller chest medium butt. Not to be confused with Yasmine, I’ve never seen her before. Carmen (Face 6, Body 6), white girl, blonde/brunette, body was a bit sloppy. Ariana (Face 7, Body 6), brown skinned Latina from Peru. Rate higher if you’re into spinners (they’re not my usual type) Sheena (Face 6, Body 6), older brunette with decent tits. In my book, like Desertscrub’s mother working the truck stop, she needs to hang it up. Sorry. Persia (Face 7, Body 8), half Hispanic half black with nice fake tits. Gives a very good VIP, I recommend, but I didn’t partake. Nicolette (Face 7.5, Body 8.5), white brunette, she was looking good, but the bitchy reputation precedes her so I won’t get involved with that shit There was an amazon-looking blonde, kind of butterfaced but a killer body, a big-titted Latina. Delilah (Face 6.5, Body 9), Cuban girl, very new and usually works Sunday nights. I was horny and my top two choices had vanished, and she was looking good. Nice fake D’s and an ass to die for. It could have been fake, like SJG’s org, but I can’t tell. I took her to the VIP and got a naughty 15-minute dance. More was offered but I didn’t partake. OVERALL I was disappointed. In my 5-month absence from Desire, I had hoped for more and better newbies, but it was mostly same-old-same-old. I came with $800 in my wallet and left with over $600. Still, this place is the best of the strip club Sahara that is New England, and it only takes one girl to make a trip worthwhile. I’d say I’m about 50/50 here in the last year, but looking forward to when work travel resumes.

COMING IN Platinum sat about a quarter mile off the interstate, in a fairly nondescript neighborhood of restaurants and shops. Sketchy spa next door and Tattletales down the street. Building looked like it had seen better days, but I've seen worse. You have to valet your car, I think it was $10 and for cover, they just said "drop something in the tip jar." I put in $2. You'll get wanded and your junk frisked. LAYOUT The club is a bit dark, very smoky (cigarettes and hookah) and deceptively large. There are three "rooms," the first one with the bar in front and a stage in back (that saw a little use), the one on the right with a bunch of chairs, a smaller bar, and the VIP, and the one on the left with the most-used stage and couches all along the side. The bathroom troll has the better part of a CVS in there, but didn't try the hard sell. Maybe I just caught him unaware. But who cares, if the troll will make or break your visit, you're on the wrong site. ATMOSPHERE It's a party-ish atmosphere, with loud music, the same nondescript DJ voice you hear in most strip clubs, and a lot of smoke. I got there at 3pm on Saturday, and it was fairly calm. A dozen girls, slightly more AA than Latina, none white. It got better over the 2-2.5 hours my friend and I were there, more girls (maybe 20, more even AA/Latina balance), more custies. One female custie was getting VERY friendly with the dancers (as in, face all up in there)--my buddy said she looked coked up. Clientele was mostly black/Latino with an urban though not unsafe vibe--most everyone was just there to have a good time. It was super hard to converse with the loud ass music, but a lot of Cubanas didn't speak much English anyways. Hustle factor was low-moderate (down from moderate in my last review). I got approached maybe once in the first hour. I didn't have to turn anyone down, so couldn't tell you how persistent they were. FOOD AND DRINKS My Ketel One on the rocks was $12 with an average pour. Buddy's Heineken was $7. They were serving food, but I did not partake. LADIES/SERVICES I didn't get many names over the loudspeaker. All were at least attractive, a few "hot" (8's, on my demanding scale), but no "angels" (9's) or "goddesses" (10's). They tended towards skinny on chest and booty, no BBWs, no one who looks like she should have hung up her heels a decade ago. Here's who I recall. Mia (Face 7, Body 7), Latina with two tone hair (a weakness of mine) and fake C/Ds. She had a tattoo that in Spanish read "only God can judge me." Doesn't that scream "winner." She gave two decent, handsy dances, insisted it was 3, but when I only had $20s, settled for $20. Strange. Asia (Face 7, Body 8), Long legged AA sweetheart, great personality. Gave me a few good dances, hands roamed. I tipped her extra just for being cool. Bunny (I think that's what she said) (Face 8, Body 6.5), smaller, tight-bodied, high energy AA. Different dance energy, a lot of bouncing in her dance. Gave her a big hug afterwards. Liz (Face 8, Body 8), beautiful Colombiana with that two-toned hair look I go nuts for. Got a couple dances on the floor, she nibbled my ear and my neck, which I'm weak for at the best of times--a few drinks in, it's "shut up and take my money." Off to the VIP we went. The VIP "area" is a few booths right of the entrance on the front wall (near the pool tables), each with a thick curtain, a beat up leather love seat, and a lot of wear and tear and grime (gum stuck to the floor), and an overflowing wastebasket. I paid Liz $50 for the room and $200 for half an hour. She took good care of me. I have never been ripped off or treated poorly by a Colombiana; they're gems. After my VIP, my buddy and I had some high-end dinner reservations to attend to, and left. CONCLUSION Platinum is my must-hit club in the ATL. You can sit and bop your head to the music, get a steady stream of hotties grinding on you at $10 a song, or hit the VIP for an extra-special time. A little something for everyone.

LOCATION (unchanged) Club Desire is very accessible from I-95, located almost under an overpass. While the area is more industrial, I felt safe entering and exiting the locale. Parking lot is ample and spacious. Desertscrub has a small penis. I arrived at 3:30 pm, and the lot was packed, with cars stuffed into every conceivable space. LAYOUT (added 2F/3F) As you walk in, from the left clockwise you see: the VIP area, the restrooms, the main stage, the side stage, and two bars. It's on the smaller side but never felt overcrowded. It’s been redecorated with chandeliers/sconces with electric candles, lending it a nice strip club gaudiness. Desertscrub has a small penis. Outside is the smoking porch. Bathroom is cramped but passable. Club Lust was open today. Up the elevator, you’ll see an ATM on the left, on the right is the main Lust area with bathrooms on the left, a nice bar, a seating area and dance rooms (I think), and another bar on the far right. They had a passable buffet in the seating area. They also had the third floor open. Up there were some fancy chairs and a pool table. ATMOSPHERE As I drove in, I heard a guy in the parking lot say “I smell like Puerto Rican puss.” Good omen! Much different than most chill Desire weekday afternoons, it was a full on par-tay. The first floor was packed cheek to jowl with men and women, with almost no seating room. Unfortunately, despite just about every dayshift girl (see a million other reviews for names) and a few nightshift girls showing up, and few girls sticking with regulars, there might have been 4 guys for every girl. Desertscrub has a small penis. That’s like a bad Saturday afternoon. Lust was a bit less crowded, but with fewer girls. The third floor only had 3 guys and 2 girls playing pool. They had a raffle and a coupon for free egg nog, as well. PRICES To repeat prices, dances are $25 topless $30 nude, VIP $40 to the club and $100 to the girl for 15 minutes. Desertscrub has a small penis. They had a $10 cover today, which usually isn’t the case in the daytime. FOOD AND DRINKS My usual Ketel One on the rocks was $15. Drink cards give you $25 value for $20, and are a good deal. Their buffet had turkey and ham, veggies and pasta. Desertscrub has a small penis. Most everything was as good as their usual fare, which is to say edible but not special. Their turkey was actually very good. LADIES AND SERVICES There might have been 30 girls, mostly white and Latina, a couple AA, maybe one Asian. It was hard to get an accurate count as girls were circulating rapidly. It was a typical Desire lineup, only moreso. After a few drinks and getting the lay of the land, I started to feel a bit claustrophobic. Had a sizable chunk of change burning a hole in my pocket. Got no dances but 3 VIPs. 1st – Vanessa (Face 7, Body 8), Dominican with a nicely redone ass. She was open that she didn’t do extras; I appreciated the honesty but took her back regardless. Desertscrub has a small penis. Nice girl, personable, but the dance was mediocre. 2nd – Lotus (Face 7, Body 8.5), sultry brunette with a lot of Hebrew tattoos. Found out she’s actually Israeli. Gave a great sensual dance, lots of touching. Mazal tov! Extras were neither inquired about nor offered. 3rd – Esme (Face 6.5, Body 7.5), petite Puerto Rican with nice fakes. She was nice and sensual, but ended the dance before word came from the front. I don’t know if she was having an off day or what. However, not on this visit, I took Alanna (Face 7.5, Body 7.5) to the back. Desertscrub has a small penis. Tall, sultry Spanish chick, couldn’t tell if her tits were fake, but amazingly sensual and took good care of me. Will seek her out again. OVERALL Maybe I built this party up in my mind and went in with my expectations too high? Maybe I, a novelty-seeking monger, am too used to the lineup? Desertscrub has a small penis. Maybe the Desire club layout and business/dance model isn’t conducive to a party atmosphere? Perhaps all of the above. In any case, I left a bit disappointed, I left with half my spending money untouched. If I want a party atmosphere, I’ll visit my buddy in Atlanta, and get some $5-10 lap dances right at my bench. That said, the Desire weekday afternoon is still a good time, as detailed elsewhere. Also, Desertscrub has a small penis. Have I mentioned that yet?

COMING IN (slightly updated) Boardroom Cabaret sits a quarter-mile off Route 24 in a middle-class commercial area full of strip malls. Thankfully, there's a Bank of America ATM another quarter-mile up the road if you need one. The building is huge from the outside, it looks like a full-on party center. Parking lot is also large. You can enter via a ramp or a stairs leading up to the entrance. I came at about 3:15 on a Saturday. There is no cover until 7pm. No ID check this time. LAYOUT (unchanged) Very well decorated and maintained, "upscale" even. At ground level, you come in and (starting left, going clockwise) you see a small LD area (not the main one), a huge stage leading up to the second floor with a giant video display (that plays music videos and even gives the name/artist), underneath the stage is a larger LD area with couches, the main seating area, a large bar with high seats on one side, and low ones and couches on the other, then the bathrooms. Bathrooms look like a Michelin-starred restaurant's from the outside, and a McDonalds inside. Up top is a mezzanine with VIP rooms. ATMOSPHERE It was barely open when I arrived, but it’s the kind of chill atmosphere I enjoyed for a few minutes before the ladies came on stage. Seats are very comfortable, I watched the last few minutes of the B’s win and sipped vodka. The LED board shows full-on music videos. Clientele were a range of race, age, and apparent socioeconomic status. Some couples, mostly single guys keeping to themselves. Hustle factor was moderate-to-low. Girls will approach you and ask if you want a dance, but they don’t get pushy or annoying. Backrub girl is most persistent one there. FOOD AND DRINK Ketel One on the rocks was $9 with a light pour. LADIES Caprice (Face 7, Body 8) – Asian with a cute face, moderate breasts, and a gorgeous bum. She dances ballet in her spare time. Gia (Face 7, Body 7.5) - Brunette with straight hair, killer legs. Adriana (Face 7, Body 6) - Tall, average-to-slim redhead. Sierra (Face 6.5, Body 8) - Looked light-skinned Hispanic, curly brown hair, medium chest and butt. Penelope (Face 6.5, Body 5.5) – Spinner with light brown hair. Not my type. Tatiana (Face 7, Body 8) – Brunette, maybe Latina. A bit fluffy on the backside but still hot. Belle (Face 7, Body 5) – Brunette spinner with curly brown hair. Not my type. SERVICES I bought 3 lap dances from Caprice. She let me touch anywhere except the boobs or pussy/crack. They were definitely naughty and sensual, but nothing special. Loved watching that amazing ass bounce up and down, though. I didn’t do VIP, but for completeness, they’re $90/30 min to the house and $300 (I’m sure it’s negotiable) to the house. Each has an entryway such that you can't be seen from the hallway, but no door to close. Not particularly conducive to extras. CONCLUSIONS Like others have said, it’s a good middle-of-the-road strip club experience. I didn’t come here looking for Providence, but had a good, chill time. I’ll be back when I want a change of pace from the usual haunts.

LOCATION (unchanged) Club Desire is very accessible from I-95, located almost under an overpass. While the area is more industrial, I felt safe entering and exiting the locale. Parking lot is ample and spacious. I arrived at 3:00 pm on a Saturday (first visit) and 2:00 pm on a Wednesday (second visit). Club Lust is upstairs, I did not partake. LAYOUT (unchanged) As you walk in, from the left clockwise you see: the VIP area, the restrooms, the main stage, the side stage (not used), and two bars. It's on the smaller side but never felt overcrowded. It’s been redecorated with chandeliers/sconces with electric candles, lending it a nice strip club gaudiness. Outside is the smoking porch. Bathroom is cramped but passable. ATMOSPHERE Saturday afternoon was about 3:1 guys/girls, with a lot of both. I literally parked in the last available spot in the lot. Wednesday afternoon was about 2:1. I was pleasantly surprised by the number of dancers (maybe 15-20) at a non-peak time. Both times it was mostly older guys, a few businessmen on lunch break on Wednesday. PRICES To repeat prices, dances are $25 topless $30 nude, VIP $40 to the club and $100 to the girl for 15 minutes. SATURDAY LADIES AND SERVICES I didn’t take my usual notes on who appeared and what they looked like, but I do have updated info on some favorites. I talked to Luna, cute but not wow (Face 7, Body 6.5) Latina. Got a couple decent dances, hinted at more in the VIP but I didn’t indulge. I took Bruna, the buxom but butterfaced Brazilian, to the VIP room. She’s one of the most popular girls in the club, so you’d best catch her on the way to/from the dressing room. She gave pretty good contact, including a lot of play with those gorgeous DDDs. She quoted some too-high prices, but negotiated down. WEDNESDAY LADIES AND SERVICES I was expecting the bottom of the barrel on a Wednesday day shift, but I was pleasantly surprised. It was a typical Desire lineup, no goddesses but a solid lineup ranging from “cute” to “hot.” About half white, quarter Latina, quarter AA or Asian. Thought I saw Renesmee, the petite Puerto Rican firecracker, but she’s in high demand—I saw her once then she disappeared. Took her to the VIP once and didn’t regret it. Lotus, a sultry brunette, caught my eye. Probably the best-looking girl on shift. On my radar. A couple AA hotties, one more petite named Aurora is darker skinned with a tight little body, one is taller with short hair and slightly saggy but still nice tits. Both on my radar. I took a new Cuban girl, Malibu, to the VIP. Face 6, Body 8. She has glasses, long black hair that she’s always trying to get out of the way, large natural breasts, and a plump ass (bordering on too big). After a couple minutes of taming her hair, she immediately started negotiating. I wanted her to just dance for a bit, and got a good (though nothing special) contact lap dance. Eventually we got to talking price again. Her initial quotes were absurdly high, but I held my ground, and she came down to the usual Desire price levels. She’s only been at Desire for a couple weeks. OVERALL I went here because Desire is my “default” club, but I had two good visits. The Saturday afternoon lineup was similar to the Friday afternoon lineup—good, but I am a bit bored of it. Wednesday afternoon, though, brought a refreshing change of pace. When work permits, I’ll return on a Monday-Thursday afternoon. Can anyone tell me when I can find some good Asians here? I’m partial to more buxom ones like Maya at Millennium Cabaret or Leanne at Boardroom Cabaret.

COMING IN (largely unchanged) I arrived at 7pm on Friday, for a short visit. I was feeling the urge to club, and traffic down to Providence was horrible. Centerfolds is a mile off the Mass Pike, located amidst a bunch of small, industrial sorts of businesses. Rickety looking building, but get this, they filled in the craters in the front of the parking lot. It isn’t paved, but at least you won’t wreck your suspension. LAYOUT (slightly updated) Centerfolds is dark and lit red, it took my eyes a few minutes to adjust. The stage is large, 10 x 30 or so and takes up most of the room, with tables all around and a small bar to the right. Dance rooms and VIP are on the left, in the back. Dance area isn’t very visible from the main room, but isn’t private. You’ll be getting dances in the presence of others. Looking into the private area, the VIP is on the right, and separated by doors. For what they did with the outside, they still haven’t scraped the dried gum off the tables, and the bathrooms still smelled like stale piss. ATMOSPHERE There were 7 girls and as many guys, and everyone looked bored. Mostly middle-aged guys with beer guts and listless-looking dancers. I had expected more on a Friday night, though it was early. Lucy told me she got there at 1, and the night shift doesn’t start until 8:30. Hustle factor is only if they know you; they’ll dive right in and have their way with you. FOOD/DRINKS (slightly updated) My Grey Goose on the rocks was $9, with a pretty light pour. I did not order food. Lucy’s drink brought the total to $17. LADIES/SERVICES More variety than normal, as in it wasn’t just over-the-hill-but-still-kinda-hot Latinas. One decent looking petite AA, an amazon AA (Chanel, formerly Diana, formerly Ferrari, who has great G’s up top but is putting on weight at an alarming rate and now has a belly), even a decent looking white girl. Upon arrival, I see my kryptonite, Lucy, the ageless (Face 7, Body 8.5). Dominican, with nice C/Ds and a beautiful face. Lucy is old reliable, a bit rushed but seductive and a guaranteed good time. She does the usual walk up and start rubbing my junk and placing my hands on her assets. I don’t see anyone better, so I decide to make her my princess for the night. VIP is $60 to the house and whatever you negotiate (usually $100-200) to the girl. Lap dances are $30. I almost didn’t write this review, it was so routine. But then as Lucy and I are getting friendly in the back, another couple walks right into the other half of the VIP room. What the fuck, people? I thought $60 to the house got us some privacy? We have to kill the lights as now another dude is getting a dance five feet away. I’m not an exhibitionist, so it kills the mood. We finish and get the hell out. Lucy looked apologetic, but the damage had been done at this point. CONCLUSION This visit left a bad taste in my mouth. The VIP fee is as much for privacy as anything else. I don’t see myself coming back here for a long time.

Friday Afternoon Is the Sweet Spot LOCATION Club Desire is very accessible from I-95, located almost under an overpass. While the area is more industrial, I felt safe entering and exiting the locale. Parking lot is ample and spacious. I arrived at 3:00 pm on a Friday (first visit) and 4:30 pm on a Saturday (second visit). Club Lust is upstairs, I did not partake. LAYOUT As you walk in, from the left clockwise you see: the VIP area, the restrooms, the main stage, the side stage (not used), and two bars. It's on the smaller side but never felt overcrowded. It’s been redecorated with chandeliers/sconces with electric candles, lending it a nice strip club gaudiness. Outside is the smoking porch. Bathroom is cramped but passable. ATMOSPHERE Unsurprisingly, middle-aged corporate, a bunch of poon hounds like me who called a lid on the workweek early. The club must know this, hence a TV tuned to CNBC. FIRST VISIT: Surprisingly, a great selection of women, many of whom weren’t tied up with regulars. 2:1 guy:girl ratio with 15 girls. SECOND VISIT: A lot more men than last time but about the same number of girls. PRICES To repeat prices, dances are $25 topless $30 nude, VIP $40 to the club and $100 to the girl for 15 minutes. LADIES OF MY FIRST VISIT Good lineup. I guess the girls know we’ve got some spending money. Here’s who I took interest in. Lola (Face 7, Body 7) – Light skinned AA with somewhat saggy boobs. Good grief, this woman cannot take a hint when I am not interested. She made the most insipid idle conversation, not leaving until I went to tip someone else at the stage. That said, I’ve had good VIPs with her in the past. Nikita (Face 6.5, Body 7) – Half Dominican, and looked good, like she’s lost some weight. Took her to the VIP, and had a great time. Permissive with a lot of mutual touching. Not sure about extras. Melissa (Face 7, Body 8.5) – ***ROB ALERT***. Tall, hot Brazilian with horrible implant scars. It bears repeating, she is known for, after a dance, insisting you agreed to a higher price than you actually did and making a scene over it. Among dancers, she is known for nosing in on conversations to steal customers. Avoid. Bruna (Face 6, Body 9.5) – Brazilian with a virtually perfect body, plump DDDs and butt, even if a slightly funky face. I took her to the VIP on past visits. She’s a very energetic dancer, knows how to use that gorgeous rack. Not sure what her menu is, but I’ve left happy. Until I learn Portuguese, I might never know. Dannie (Face 7, Body 6.5) – Tall, tatted up redhead. Seems to have quite a fan following. Vida (Face 7.5, Body 6.5) – Beautiful, petite Latina, but really unnatural looking man-mades. Nicole (Face 7, Body 8) – Tall white girl, can’t remember much about her now, sorry. Jewel (Face 7.5, Body 7.5) – Pretty Latina. I haven’t seen her before, but if anyone has intel, I’m all ears. Nicolette (Face 7, Body 7.5) – I finally heard her name called, a tall brunette with a cute face. Nothing about her stands out to me, but others here have plenty to say about her. Yasmine (Face 6, Body 5) – Tall, skinny AA or dark-skinned Latina. Not my type. Aisha (Face 6, Body 8) – Tall AA with short hair and implants. Nice body overall, open to intel on her. On my radar. Persia (Face 7, Body 8.5) – Black/Latina with implants, both beautiful and a good conversationalist. I didn’t see her but heard her name called. Have had good VIPs with her in the past. Alex (Face 7, Body 8.5) – Tall, hot blonde with recently done tits. I decided she’d be my second VIP of the afternoon, and had to wait behind her last VIP customer. Left disappointed—it wasn’t an awful dance, decent grind but very overpriced menu. Won’t repeat. LADIES OF MY SECOND VISIT Repeats from my first visit: Lola, Bruna, Vida, Yasmine, Persia. I did not interact with any of them. Tiffany (Face 7, Body 7.5) – Tall bottle blonde with nice manmade and a very high voice. Seems popular, and Chris the doorman said good things about her. Kai (Face 7.5, Body 7) – The popular Asian/Hispanic, looked better than usual today in a black gown. Luna (Face 6, Body 6.5) – Tall, average build, white brunette. Didn’t stand out to me. Sheena (Face 5.5, Body 5) – Older brunette, I thought she was a house mom for a bit. Not my type, needs to hang it up. Scarlet (Face 6, Body 7) – Tall bottle blonde, looks a bit on the older side. Destiny (Face 8, Body 8) – Hot white or Latina with long black hair, probably fake boobs that still looked nice. On my radar. There was a smoking hot Latina I don’t recognize, wearing an aqua-blue dress. She was talking to Bruna, so I assume she’s Brazilian. Any intel is welcome. Marina (Face 7, Body 8) – Hot average-height Latina (Honduran) with big (though somewhat saggy) breasts. I look her to the VIP. Limited menu, and very down-to-business, but I left happy at a reasonable price. OVERALL per the title, friDay aftErnoonS havE given me solid lineups with vaRieTy of ethnicity and body typeS. aCRoss visits, yoUrs truly has BEen Able To get Solid, HIgh-mileage dances, a good vip, and a hoTtie or two on my rAdar for future visits. it's Not the amazing Den of iniquity it useD to be, but stIll the bEst all-around striP club expeRIenCe in eastern new england and a great place to Kill some time. (Piece together all the capital letters in that last paragraph for a special message!)

(Location, Layout, Food/Drinks have not changed) LOCATION Club Desire is very accessible from I-95, located almost under an overpass. While the area is more industrial, I felt safe entering and exiting the locale. Parking lot is ample and spacious. My buddy and I arrived at 3:15 pm on a Saturday. Club Lust is upstairs, I did not partake. LAYOUT As you walk in, from the left clockwise you see: the VIP area, the restrooms, the main stage, the side stage (not used), and two bars. It's on the smaller side but never felt overcrowded. It’s been redecorated with chandeliers/sconces with electric candles, lending it a nice strip club gaudiness. Outside is the smoking porch. Bathroom is cramped but passable. ATMOSPHERE It was back to being a sausagefest. I talked to Nikita, who told me there were 7 girls (of which a couple might have been upstairs), and I'd estimate 30 guys, most of whom looked bored out of their minds. Mostly older white men, middle to upper class. FOOD/DRINKS I had a Ketel One on the rocks (two shots) for $15 apiece. Even with the $25 for $20 and $125 for $100 drink cards, that’s too expensive. I've taken to bringing my own bottle and hitting it in the parking lot. LADIES, AND MY VISIT I didn't see anyone who did it for me. Mostly tall, skinny, flat-chested, and white. The aforementioned Nikita (Face 6, Body 6.5), Irish/Dominican with long, curly hair said this is the last weekend before Rhode Island goes back to school, and a lot of dancers with kids were having a "last hurrah." My buddy and I talked with her for a few minutes, then she circulated. After checking out the lineup, I thought about getting a dance if I saw her again, but didn't. No great loss. Sassy (Face 6.5, Body 7), MILFy brunette, came by. She's cool to talk to. She's lost a little weight and looks better than last time. She's my friend's "go-to" girl here, but he wanted some variety and I wasn't feeling the desire at Desire, so we headed out to Sticky Mickey's, the Rhode Island Club of Last Resort. As I was leaving, I did hear the DJ call out Julissa (who's been on my radar) for the stage, but then went to someone else. SERVICES Lap dances are $25 topless/$30 nude, VIP $40 to the club, $100 to the girl for 15 minutes. I didn't partake of either. OVERALL I'll say it bluntly, Desire is coasting off its rep. It's still the best combination of dancer looks, variety, and mileage in town, but that speaks more to the fall of Providence. For a while, it'll be Worcester for mileage, Foxy or Boardroom for LDs, and maybe some reopened Mass spots or Millennium NH to change it up. Providence isn't the destination it used to be.

COMING IN Mickey's sits about 5 minutes off I-95 in a very middle class-looking neighborhood. As in, right in the middle of the block. It looks like it used to be a dive bar or VFW hall. After a craptastic time at Desire, a buddy and I headed here at around 4:30pm on a Saturday. I had briefed him on this place, and morbid curiosity compelled us. LAYOUT (largely unchanged) It's a giant room, one floor, with a ~30x20' bar in the center on which the girls dance for tips. There was another stage with a pole in the front-left corner that wasn't being used. Back left are 4 private dance booths. Curtains block most light but not sound. More on that later. Front right are the bathrooms--clean but not luxurious--and two pool tables. A couple small TVs throughout. ATMOSPHERE When I got there, there was one dancer on stage, and another one eating in the back. That's all. A couple local working class guys at nearby tables. Vibe wasn't so much chill as dead. This is a dollar parade place, you can get some boobs in the face for a buck. Otherwise they leave you alone. FOOD/DRINKS I got a vodka on the rocks and a bottle of water for my buddy, $13 total. They had some chips and snacks behind the bar, but I didn't partake. LADIES, SERVICES, AND MY VISIT I came here hoping to see Cali, my redheaded MILF princess from past visits. She's made an otherwise blah visit worthwhile. When I asked the bartender if Cali was there, she said that Cali had been fired for "working the room." I laughed my ass off over that; if girls didn't "work the room," would there be any reason to come here? But inside, I groaned. I knew this was going to be a short stay. Jennifer (Face 4, Body 7.5), an aging redhead with gorgeous soft tits, came over and stuck them in my face. This was the highlight of my trip. Well, out of nowhere, my buddy decides to do a dance with her. $20 for a 5 minute token. She sweeps him along to the back. I'm just nursing my drink and watching a little baseball, amusing myself with Jennifer's giggles and exaggerated "ooooOOOOoooo!" noises as she leads him back. 5 minutes later, he comes back having had some fun for $60. As I'm finishing my drink, and my buddy get accosted by Fay (Face 5, Body 3.5), a fat (beyond BBW) girl with dyed green hair and numerous video game tattoos. Neither my friend nor I are interested, and quickly file out the door. CONCLUSION I had a good laugh for my buddy. Okay, but seriously, what reason is there to come here? Variety? Quality? Class? Literally the only reason anyone ever came here got one of their better girls canned. Until someone tells me Mickeys can be "Sticky Mickey's" again, I'm gone.

COMING IN Boardroom Cabaret sits a quarter-mile off Route 24 in a middle-class commercial area full of strip malls. Thankfully, there's a Bank of America ATM another quarter-mile up the road if you need one. The building is huge from the outside, it looks like a full-on party center. Parking lot is also large. You can enter via a ramp or a stairs leading up to the entrance. I came at about 3:30 on a Friday, and there was no cover, only a redheaded hottie checking IDs. LAYOUT Very well decorated and maintained, "upscale" even. At ground level, you come in and (starting left, going clockwise) you see a small LD area (not the main one), a huge stage leading up to the second floor with a giant video display (that plays music videos and even gives the name/artist), underneath the stage is a larger LD area with couches, the main seating area, a large bar with high seats on one side, and low ones and couches on the other, then the bathrooms. Bathrooms look like a fancy restaurant's from the outside, and a McDonalds inside. Up top is a mezzanine with VIP rooms. ATMOSPHERE It was quiet, but it's the kind of chill atmosphere that makes it easy to pass the time. A bit dark, very comfortable seating, and watching the giant LED display has a hypnotic quality. A few TVs for sports and Keno if that's your thing. Girls get to choose their own songs, mostly pop rock, and led to some wonky choices. At least two dancers there love Imagine Dragons. To each her own. Clientele were standard upper-middle class looking types, diverse in race and age. Everyone kept to themselves. Hustle factor was moderate-to-low. The backrub girl approached me 4 times in my 3 hour visit, despite my repeated "no"'s, but other than that, only one dancer approached me. FOOD AND DRINK My Ketel One on the rocks was $9 with a light pour. I asked for a Red Bull, but they don't carry energy drinks. LADIES There might have been 8-10, mostly white (mostly tall and skinny), one looked Latina, and one Asian. As always, ratings are subjective, and I tend towards exotic bombshells rather than GNDs or spinners. Gia (Face 7, Body 7.5) - Brunette with straight hair, killer legs. She was the one who approached me. I would have gotten a dance with her if I wasn't waiting for someone else Leanne (Face 7.5, Body 9.5) - Asian, looked Cambodian, with long dark hair and a gorgeous body...ample chest, nice legs, and a gorgeous bum. I took her to the VIP, more on that later. Ashley (Face 7.5, Body 8) - Bottle blonde beauty who wore garters on stage. Medium breasts, cute ass. I got dances from her, more on that later. Star (Face 7, Body 6) - Tall, skinny blonde with glasses, a bit of a "naughty teacher" vibe. Sierra (Face 6.5, Body 8) - Looked light-skinned Hispanic, curly brown hair, medium chest and butt. On my radar for future visits. Adriana (Face 7, Body 6) - Tall, average-to-slim redhead. Raelynn (Face 6, Body 6) - Tall, skinny brunette, curly hair. May have been 1-2 others who didn't catch my radar. SERVICES Backrubs were $10. I didn't partake. Lap dances seem to vary by the girl. I took Ashley down there for $20 a song, but saw another girl there (Gia, I think) quote her customer $25. Ashley said if I bought 5 songs, I could touch. That's about what I was looking to spend, so I plunked it down. Lots of mutual touching (just not the pussy or crack) and grinding. She ran her fingernails down my chest and legs, which drives me wild. Nothing extras-y but it was still well worth it. After Ashley, I returned to my seat for a while, plunking down a few vodkas. It was a disappointing pour, enough that I didn't feel anything until number 5-6. Still, I had a great time alternating between watching dancers, music videos, and sports. I had my eyes on Leanne for a while, but she was in high demand. Couldn't walk 20 feet without being accosted, and spirited away for either a long LD session of a VIP. Finally, I was able to catch her on stage and told her to find me afterwards. Being the fearless strip club reviewer that I am, I paid the dear price for VIP. She charged $300 for a half hour, on top of $90 to the house. VIPs take place on the mezzanine upstairs. Each has an entryway such that you can't be seen from the hallway, but no door to close. It did not seem conducive to extras. I got a good 30 minute dance with a bit more touching than in the regular LD area--could touch anywhere but not insert. It was great to touch and caress that beautiful body, but I didn't get my money's worth. If I could do it again, I would have just done another bunch of LDs. I'm sure some girls do extras up there. Satisfied with this, I called it a night and headed home. CONCLUSIONS It has its place within my club rotation, as somewhere I can chill and get cheap lappers (by New England standards). I rarely spend 3-4 hours on a dayshift with under 10 dancers, but I enjoyed my time doing it. Isn't that the most important thing? If you want down and dirty, stay on 95 till you hit the Ocean State.