Comments by Been_There_Already

Subraman - would you agree that the girl saying "Come get me if you change your mind" allows ther to leave with a feeling of some control, rather than the customer offering to come get her if he changes his mind?

In fact, I think "Come get me if you change your mind" is the best thing a girl can do to eventually sell that dance. Depending on the selection available that night, I've actually gone back to some of these girls. But if I say "I'm not getting dances tonight" and I'm accosted with the type of lecture that subraman would expect, I'm not giving the girl a penny.

"very simply say not now but I f decide to I’ll come get you" I like this one. It leaves the options open. In fact, I've had girls say "Come get me if you change your mind" and I think this is the best approach that the girls can be taking. It leaves the possibilities open without being a continued nuisance to the customer.

"or whether I should be going to different clubs" pretty much equals "If she hangs on after this, I leave for a different club" doesn't it?

If I leave out the "From you", I've had girls start to lecture me that if I'm not buying dances I should tip, or start up a conversation about what I like to do since I don't buy dances, etc" I would just explain to them that I've been to a strip club before and understand how it works. If there's a lecture involved I'd probably excuse myself to another seat.

"You keep adding on details" Actually, what I did is share the approach that I prefer to use and ask others what they do. Many viewed this as an opportunity to critique my approach, which isn't what the question asks. But in an effort to accommodate their remarks I did provide additional context that could arise in a variety of situations (what you refer to as "You keep adding on details").

Dominic77 - your strip club experiences may be very different from mine because the girls assume I have money. This explains why girls decide to get the point with some customers but not others.

Subraman - I've told girls "I'm not getting dances tonight" and they still stick around and try harder, which is the point of my irritation. At that point, is the onus on me to persistently reiterate? If it is, I'm going to relax someplace else. It's the same as if I tell me waitress I don't want a beer and she keeps asking. I simply don't care to put up with it. But I have not told a girl "I'm not getting dances **from you**" which changes the meaning. I would consider this a subtle difference, but it does get the point across that it's her I don't want without having to tell her why.

Subraman - my statement was in regard to the responders suggesting I tell the girl she's not my **type**, which is very different than saying I'm not buying dances from her. It's also the reason I asked "should I be completely honest about **why** I don't want her to?" I believe the answer is no. She doesn't really need to know why I don't want the dance, and I don't really care to share it with her. If you re-read what I wrote you'll see that in this scenario I've already declined dances, and though I never mentioned how I declined the dances, the passive aggressive "maybe later" is the assumption the many posters want to go with, depending on their motivation for responding.

Who's intimidated? Depending on her approach, it's either irritating or just a passing blib on the road to a girl with the firm butt that flagooner is talking about.

I think the honest approach has it's virtues, but when I'm too direct I feel like a hypocrite within the realm of strip clubbing. We're not there for honesty. When we walk into a club the girls are under the impression that we want them to pretend to be more into us than they really are, for money of course. This just goes without saying. But if I don't want a particular girl to provide this charade, should I be completely honest about why I don't want her to? I think this subjects the girls to an unfair double standard, in that they need to be flirtatious and pretend to be into the guy until he gives her a real reason why he's not into her. What a fucked up work environment. At the same time, if a customer is a dick, the girl will stop pretending to be into him tell him he's a dick. So at extreme levels honesty does (and should) come out, and there is likewise a point where the customer should be blunt and honest with the girl who pretends not to get it. I guess what I'm really asking is how do you find the equilibrium point where honesty (inside of a strip club) becomes appropriate? Or, would you just rather club someplace where it's easier to abandon honesty at the door? I prefer the latter.

"It's in the swagger with your stage tip. If you go up and actually enjoy it and ask the stripper about her new shoes.... Miss thirstay will probably walk away thinking it's not her." I like this. Body language should tell these girls a lot. Are you being more open with the girl on stage than you are with them . . .and you're also tipping the girl on stage after you didn't buy any dances or drinks with the cock block at your table. At a lot of clubs this is more than enough.

""If she hangs on after this, I leave for a different club, and the only thing I've lost is my cover charge." Seriously? You would let a cock blocking dancer run you out of the club? Try growing a pair and you may find your club visits more enjoyable." doctorevil - please note that I also wrote "It really depends on the girl, the club, how busy it is, whether or not I know any of the other girls, etc" so I wouldn't up and leave in every situation. I equate leaving a strip club because the girls that night don't get it with not going back to a restaurant with good food because the service sucked. It's up to them to deliver on all ends for a complete experience, and I'll shop someplace else if they don't. I'm there to relax, and if I'm able to do so I'm all in. If the girls I don't want to relax with can't take a polite hint (followed by a firmer hint) and my efforts to relax feel more like the chore of swatting away flies that keep coming back, then I'm perfectly content to go relax someplace else. There are plenty of options where I live. "I will say that some of you seem to be subject to a level of hustle and aggression from strippers that I am not." I think subraman makes a good point in that it depends on where you club. I see differences all the time when I travel. I have no problem telling the stripper no. I've done it hundreds of times. If she wants to try harder and rub all over me only to hear no again, that's her decision. But it can reach a point where it's more of a chore for the customer than it needs to be. My question is more about being irritated by futile attempts, rather than being scared of the stripper. I'll walk down the street to a different club before I go hide in the men's room if all I'm getting that night is "but I give the best lap dances ever". Sure she does. orionsmith - I like your approach. I would club with you any day of the week.

I prefer them without braces. It instills a sense of me being way to old for them and it kills the fantasy aspect of the experience. That being said, a lot of these girls come from upbringings that didn't afford them braces, and I respect their motivation to take care of it themselves. If she has a lot of other qualities then I won't let the braces ruin things for me . . . but if she's just so-so and has braces, sorry but no thanks . . .

What about the Walmart greeter who spends all day smiling at shoppers who she really couldn't give a fuck about? I'd like to know what the psychological impact of that job is.

I’d say yes to both too. And Waffle makes a good point about the unexplained gap in her work history. This makes it difficult for many to (re)enter the workforce. I think there's a difference between stripping to pay for college or on weekends for some extra cash and making the decision to immerse yourself completely in the industry. It is the girls choice, but i think it's very similar to drugs . . . do you smoke a little whenever you're invited to a party or do you smoke all day every day? Anything in excess will be bad for you. I have the most sympathy for the single moms who need to put there children first and then worry about the unexplained gap on their resume later. But for the other girls, if they do it to themselves, then they've done it to themselves . . .

"I have a problem with honesty. It seems like every time I switch to a new #1 fav the previous one always asks me why. And I answer them. Honestly. Most of the time stupidly." Okay flagooner, I gotta ask, does this mean you are telling your old CF what's wrong with her, or are you telling your old CF what the new girl has going for her?

"She wishes she had never started stripping 12 yrs ago." This is exactly what I mean by survivorship bias. I'm glad she started stripping 12 years ago, but wish she'd stopped 6 years ago. If you stay in the industry once your shelf life has expired your psychological well-being will be affected. Period. There are plenty of attractive older women, and there's a man for each one who will love them just the way they are, but stripping is seldom a long-term thing, unless you're just the frickin' bomb. Is it that hard for a young girl to grasp this when she enters the industry. Look around. And i get it, they choose not to grasp this, because getting older won't happen to them, right. I like the way PinkSugarDoll goes about it. She sees a benefit to stripping, but it's not the be-all, end-all of her existence. Good for her!

PhatBoy99 - given this ghetto thug persona you try to emulate, I gotta say, your grammar is just too good for it to be believable. But some of your advise/wisdom is actually spot on. orionsmith - you sound like a PL who I would want to club with.

"Bonus points if you've been to prison for a violent crime." FTS - I have a friend who can attest to this statement. It's very true. "Ok I meant money is the main thing at first. I never said I don't like any of the customers. Some of them are cool to be around and I actually enjoy my time with them. I don't always go for the money either, some customers are just not worth the bullshit." Spoken like a true CF who thinks here best regular is about to move on.

I think there's a survivorship bias here. The girls who walk away clean from the profession wouldn't take the time to comment on it. It's the ones who are fucked up, and perhaps would be regardless of what they do, who waste their time (and ours) writing this crap. Did she use the money to pay for school and move on? Or did she already have problems that needed paid for, and she found a way to not only pay for them, but the wherewithal to make them worse? I don't think it's any different than professional sports. The entire time they're making money that are faced with people offering them good advice (which the majority ignore) and people encouraging to live only for the moment (which the majority listen to). I offer good advice to strippers all the time. They smile and tell me how thankful they are for it, use it as a tool to string me along as though I'm really important to them, and then they go out and make bad choices with their lives. There's not much more I can do for them. My good advice is what it is, and they carry on like they're playing me when the pretend to care and then disregard everything I've said. And I pretend not to know any better while they're grinding on my lap. But nobody cares about the psychological impact it has on me, because my earning potential isn't tied to my physical appearance (thank god!).

"Find out where she lives and wait on her door step for her. With flowers. Naked." K - I've done this fully clothed with money instead of flowers. It works like a charm, so long as she's expecting you. "I mean they are humans too." Muddy9 - over time I've kind of forgotten this. Not that I'm jaded about it, but anymore I don't even waste time contemplating if the sincere-sounding ones are indeed sincere. Even if I think I've made a good impression with an attribute other than just the money, I can never really know for sure . . . unless I'm doing something that attracts all of them, I guess. But I agree with you that being in shape and caring about your appearance helps. "I would say not only spending a fair amount but also spending it fast." blahblahblah23 - sorry, but I wasn't born yesterday. I don't have to pay a door fee to mindlessly give my money away. Sure, I'll pay for good service, and I'll dish it out at the pace that is required depending on how busy the club is. I'm not going to just throw it around if she isn't willing to work for it. BJ99 would be proud of you, though.

I've received two incredibly insightful replies from flagooner since I've been back, which is more than I ever saw from this guy before. And no, I'm not pointing that out to patronize you.

It all depends on why I'm there. Last Friday I spent $5 on cover, $15 on drinks, and $40 on dances so I could kill a couple hours while waiting for my sugar baby to text me. But if the strip club is my night out, rather than a means of killing time, I like to take at least $300. And I tend to have more on me when I leave if there's something going on to distract me from constantly spending, like a UFC fight or a feature. But if I'm out celebrating something or trying to recruit a new sugar baby I could easily spend upwards of $1,000, but anymore I try to keep such evenings to a minimum. My ROI is a good time, or else I wouldn't be doing it.

"If you're on a strip club website then you don't need to worry about what civies may think" I don't necessarily disagree with this statement, but I'm going to offer a refined version: "If you're on a strip club website then worrying about what civies may think is optional" The great thing about strip clubs - for those of us who can afford them and choose to in a responsible manner - is that they provide an opportunity to escape the outside world. But it doesn't mean we can't continue chasing civies, unless we simply prefer not to. There's something to be said for a cute girl in her twenties that just smiles and pretends to like everything I say. But scoring with a civie is a completely different stroke to my ego. And even if they aren't always the hottest civies, there's also something to be said for real conversation with a woman. I say make every effort to grow old with sophistication, see where it can get you, and keep strip clubs in your back pocket for when you simply want more.