Experiencing My First Month Of OTC
Quick recap,
Met a stripper in the club about 8 months ago. She quickly became my ATF. We kept it in the club for about 6-7 months but I started going frequently and really probably liked her to much. Nothing besides texting and ITC visits were happening. Mileage was great ITC including make out sessions and more. I had never brought the subject up directly but she had often mentioned how she never met guys OTC, so I never decided to bring it up to her.
Fast forward to the beginning of February, she brings up hanging out at a place we had both talked about visiting in the past. I think she meant going there on her day off, but my dumb ass says "why don't we just go tomorrow instead of you going to work". She seemed very excited but said she didn't want to miss work in which I of course offered her some money. Would she have done this for free on her day off? Who knows? Maybe a rookie mistake by me. Anyways, we go, I pay her a little more than a VIP room would cost at this particular club and we have an absolute blast. We come back to my place after, and then I drop her off at like 6:30 in the morning. Later that weekend, I go visit her in the club and she brings up doing the dances I was about to buy at "my place'. So again, I pay her what I was about to spend on her in the club that night and she just comes over after work.
This pattern has happened several times throughout the last 1.5 months. I generally pay her the cost of a VIP room for her to come over. Most of the time she just stops by on her way home from the club and we enjoy each other sexually and then she often hangs out until the sun comes up. I am in my 30s and I don't think I have ever been with someone this hot that I was this attracted to. I also just generally enjoy being around her. Fair to say I am quite addicted to this girl.
My questions:
- While I am sure she is enjoying the money, she has to be enjoying my company too right? There is no way she would hang out this long without asking for more money. I would think there would be some sort of time limit if this was just work to her. Am I being the delusional RIL here? Or is there something more happening here?
- If the answer to number 1 is "maybe there is something". Would this be something to pursue further. This is my first OTC experience so I feel like I may be making every rookie mistake in the book. What if I wanted this relationship to turn into something more? I have never put serious thought into dating a stripper as I never thought I would be remotely close to that situation, and all I read about is how its not really a good idea. Not really talking about me specifically, she had mentioned she doesn't think she could have a boyfriend while she's was still working at a strip club. She claims based on her past relationships, she doesn't think she would be able to do her job and maximize her earnings with a bf at home due to not wanting to be all over other men. Maybe this is something she is saying to not plant an ideas in my head, although she has also told me she never did OTC before and yet here we are. Thoughts?
Maybe I am thinking way too much about his and I should just take it encounter by encounter as long as I can financially and emotionally afford it.
Any veterans got any thoughts on this. Feel free to be brutally honest as I really am experiencing this sort of thing for the first time.
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It sounds like you have a really good OTC situation going on, where you both really enjoy each others’ company despite the transactional relationship. This will afford you additional perks like staying over, going out together in public, and a genuine GFE, but it will always be a transactional OTC relationship. I’m not saying it’s never happened, but your chances of converting this to a dating situation is 0.000001, and if / when you try to convert it, it will ruin what sounds like a really good OTC situation. My advice would be to keep paying her, enjoy the ride, and see what happens. But expect that the minute you want to “talk about us” it’ll be over.
@iknowbetter
This is the kind of advice I came here for. I would hate for this to end because I made things too serious. I guess I got to ask myself am I cool to keep things as they are for a long period of time. As long as I am still enjoying it I suppose so.
I guess the first question that comes to mind is how much are you paying her, and the second question would be is it worth it to you, as it is right now ?
===> "Am I being the delusional RIL here?" Yes, yes you are. I'm not saying that she doesn't think you're a nice guy or enjoy talking with you. But being dating material is a completely separate matter. If she would have been out of your league if you met her in a regular bar, then she is still out of your league. She is coming over to your place because she is getting paid. Just enjoy it for what it is. And if you find yourself struggling to cope with any feelings that you may be developing, you'd save both yourself and her a lot of grief by cutting her loose.
Yeah, I think sexy girls sometimes ask themselves: "what if I had chosen to date nice guys who could provide for me?" rather than the "bad boys" they are attracted to. They might flirt with it for a while, but in the end the bad boys are just too exciting.
Also, in their head, they use the excuse of getting paid to explain to any friends who would see you together why she is out with a "lackluster" guy. (And I say that as someone who would be considered boring and drab.) Sadly for these women, they ultimately won't allow themselves a good boyfriend.
So all I am saying is "enjoy the ride".
Why date her? She’s a stripper who has several dudes that she hooks up with that you don’t when know about. Are you looking to marry her? Just keep doing what you’re doing, you have a good situation. Especially if you feel safe doing it. Be careful, you don’t know who she may know.
I agree with all of the above.
I will add that you're a lucky man. You genuinely like the girl and enjoy spending time with her, beyond just the sex. And, she seems to genuinely like you - within the context of your arrangement.
That's fair and authentic. All human interaction is ultimately conditional, and occurs within a contextual frame. She obviously feels safe and enjoys your company, because she stepped outside her normal OTC restriction. On the condition you keep paying, she can feel good about her decision, and still genuinely have a good time.
A win-win for you both. Stay the course, my friend... 👌
She’s never your’s. It’s just your turn. Enjoy the ride but don’t get blinded by PLuppy love.
IMO you seem to have a really good OTC going with this girl, so enjoy it and there’s no need to overthink unnecessarily. Nothing in life comes for free, you both seem to have great mutual understanding for each other so go with the flow/instincts and have FUN👍🏻
If you were 30 years older than her, I would say you have no chance with her. Since you are in your thirties, you may actually have a chance with her. If you have a professional job and decent looking, I would continue seeing her for another couple months and attempt to find out what her strategy is. You need to get to the point where you do not pay her per meeting because it will never turn out to be long term, just give her some gifts every so often. I know of 3 dancers that married a customer. (Pilot, Doctor, Business Owner). Note: If you are still paying her every time you meet in person 4 months from now, you are being used.
===>"I would continue seeing her for another couple months and attempt to find out what her strategy is." Her "strategy" is to get paid dude, lol. And he's not getting used if he's getting laid for it.
The earlier comment of the impossibility of converting to a regular dating relationship is incorrect. People in regular relationships are still paying. Traditionally the man is paying for the woman not the other way around. Also the “out of your league” comments are irrelevant. Theres numerous hot women dating ugly, fat, older or all three men.
One thing to consider is if this dancer lives by herself and has to pay rent? Or has roommates and pays rent?
In a “normal dating” situation, if you have your own place and you allow her to move in with you, you are saving her the equivalent of 2k+ a month or whatever her rent was. If youre still taking her out to eat, giving her some money on top of that, that adds further to that 2k+.
If she is coming over to your place because she is getting paid, that also applies to her dating you or marrying you. Theres a stereotype that strippers date broke drug addicts, and while they may be broke, they also likely drug deal or work some sort of job and pay something towards rent/bills.
Well she literally told you she didn't think she could have a boyfriend, so take her at her word. My guess is that since she knows an actual boyfriend would be a mistake at this point in her life, her relationship with you is as much as she'll allow herself. You're "safe" because she thinks you're not going to start acting like a possessive, jealous boyfriend, and you accept her for who she is. She probably likes you in a genuine way, but she would not date you if she had a civilian job. Just enjoy it for what it is, but don't try to make it "official" and make sure you keep paying her.
I dont think paying for each meeting is being used. You would be paying in a normal relationship too, so it makes sense to pay the woman something otherwise its you using her.
But i do think you shouldn’t be paying by the hour. The escorts and dancers who like spending time with their clients dont charge by the hour. At the same time, they only meet the favored client on particular days of the week or particular times. If you expect a dancer to skip working a friday or Saturday night to be with you, you are basically taking away $500+ of her earnings. But if its a monday or tuesday night, she may have only made $100 or nothing those nights anyway.
Likewise with an escort, they often have less clients at 10pm and into the later hours of the night. So if she likes you she may go out to dinner, or even sleepover with you and not charge extra. But if you expect her to take a whole day off with you then you are basically cutting into her earnings
@rightfield most girls are literally dating the nice provider guys youre referring to. The bad boys you refer to are the guys they cheat on their boyfriend or husband with. In most cases a boyfriend, and especially a husband, isnt based on physical attraction. Those are the guys they have meeting their family and friends, posting on social media, living together, so they want someone cleancut, reliable and normal or average.
“Also, in their head, they use the excuse of getting paid to explain to any friends who would see you together why she is out with a "lackluster" guy”
This is completely false. They wont tell their civilian family/friends theyre getting paid at all, because that has a stigma attached to it.
I agree with all of the above, but here is another take that extends the already given advise.
If you really have a chance with her, she is dealing with the same uncomfortable issue of being paid. Most normal people (and I am assuming she has a hint of normal in her if you really have a chance) will be uncomfortable with being directly paid for a 'real' relationship.
So, a legit coarse of action is to enjoy the ride and wait for her to bring up the topic. She will, if you really have a chance. Maybe find ways to do things that provide such an opening for the conversation for her to bring it up... again, if it is true you really have a chance.
Operate on the assumption you don't have a chance until she brings it up. In the mean time, enjoy the ride.
Chances are, this will last <12 months and it one day it will be over. When it does end, let it end on good terms. Be understanding when she says 'she met someone' and needs to end it. One day, her new relationship may end and she goes back to working and either reaches out to you or you run into her in the club again. If that happens, you could go back to the paid relationship, if you let the first end on good terms. At that point you have the option to ask, 'do you want the same paid relationship as before, or are you looking for a new boy friend and want to give it a go?'
It sounds like she didnt meet guys for OTC, but was still doing everything ITC. In this specific situation, OTC for her is about trust and safety, not attraction. But you being the only one she did it with by default puts you in a special standing since it means at a minimum, she trusts you enough, and more than other guys at the club.
She may like you more than other clients, she may be willing to date you as a boyfriend, but as long as she has bills to pay, she’ll keep working the club, unless you’re generous enough to pay her more, or at minimum let her move in with you. I think any dancer whos paying her own rent and bills, could easily be tempted to date and move in with a PL especially if the PLs place is nicer and especially if the PL is not just allowing her to move in but also covering her food and giving an additional spending allowance on top.
Yeah nobody in a relationship gets paid for each sexual encounter, on the other hand it is expected the guy handles the rent and bills and even covers food and gives gifts or money for spending. The key thing is none of it is explicitly given in exchange for sex, yet at the same time, if someoens wife or girl stopped having sex with them, it could end the relationship
Why don't you try taking her on a regular date that doesn't involve sex? Then say you've got an early start the next day and gotta call it a night. See if she asks for money just for the time spent together, or if she keeps pushing for sex despite your statement that you can't this time. If she's like, "Come on, we'll just do a quickie", she's probably trying to justify a payment.