My Uber driver was hilarious.

I haven't been clubbing a lot lately, and last night I closed down the Candy Store after a fairly long absence. I summoned my Uber about fifteen minutes before the club turned the house lights up so I wouldn't have to stand out in what passes for cold weather in Phoenix at two 2AM. The dude rolled up and I jumped in, and he didn't even ask to make sure I was right passenger before he launched into "OH, bro, you hit the WRONG CLUB. You ever been to THIS one?", handing me a small flyer for Eve's Tease. You know, one of those annoying three-by-five glossy things that randos stick under your windshield wiper. "I was there for first time last night, and there had to be like TWO FUCKIN' HUNDRED GIRLS in there, and they were OPEN FOR BIDNESS, BRO! Fuckin' fine ass and friendly as FUCK! AND NAKED! They don't wear a DAMN thing! They open for a few more hours, you up for a side trip? Ain't NOTHIN' to reroute your trip and I can have you there in TWENTY MINUTES."

I'm thinking, Eve's Tease? Really? Unless there's been a glitch in the matrix, there's no way two hundred A-listers have suddenly descended on that place. I declined politely. Even if Eve's was across the street I'd still be headed home. I was tired and full of alcohol and had had my fill of fun for the evening. This guy was unrelenting.

"I had like SIX GIRLS at my MFin' table, I had my pick and the pickin's was SWEET. You SURE I can't roll you over there? Drop you off in fifteen minutes, GUARANTEED." Then he handed me another glossy card, the same as the first one, and I noticed he had maybe fifty of them sitting in his console. I declined again, but he kept beating the drum until I climbed out of his car. "You keep that card, and if you decide to check the place out you just request me and I'll hook you up, I can get you to the door in TEN MINUTES."

I appreciate hustle, and I won't call him out for hustling his ass off. He was also driving like a complete idiot and the fairly short hop from the club to home was plenty of adventure for one night. It makes me wonder what kind of deal he has with Eve's, though.