My rickish predictions for Election Day (and every day thereafter)

rickthelion
Straight outta tha NC, comin' atcha with an AK ready to steal your daughter. ROAR!!!
No…this rick is not going to predict the actual winner of any races. Imma predict the future behavior of certain damn dirty apes.

If Trump wins:

1. Gamma will be happy for 2 microseconds and then post something freaking out about how democrats are ruining everything. This behavior (the freak outs, not the happiness) will then continue until the next election, when he may or may not be happy for another 2 microseconds.
2. Skifredo will just keep posting rants about how everything sucks and the next generation is useless. He will somehow work in a self-congratulatory statement that his mommy allowed him to cross the street when he was 14 years old.
3. Kent ape will continue baiting people in his posts. He will jack off while reading the responses, especially those by Gamma and Skifredo.

If Harris wins:

1. Gamma will be unhappy for 2 microseconds and then post something freaking out about how democrats are ruining everything. This behavior (the freak outs, not the happiness) will then continue until the next election, when he may or may not be happy for another 2 microseconds.
2. Skifredo will just keep posting rants about how everything sucks and the next generation is useless. He will somehow work in a self-congratulatory statement that his mommy allowed him to cross the street when he was 14 years old.
3. Kent ape will continue baiting people in his posts. He will jack off while reading the responses, especially those by Gamma and Skifredo.

If RFK Jr wins:

1. Gamma will be puzzled for 2 microseconds and then post something freaking out about how democrats are ruining everything. This behavior (the freak outs, not the happiness) will then continue until the next election, when he may or may not be happy for another 2 microseconds.
2. Skifredo will just keep posting rants about how everything sucks and the next generation is useless. He will somehow work in a self-congratulatory statement that his mommy allowed him to cross the street when he was 14 years old.
3. Kent ape will continue baiting people in his posts. He will jack off while reading the responses, especially those by Gamma and Skifredo.
4. This rick will write a post asking whether the brainworm is controlling him like a marionette. Y’know, sort of like the rat controlling the chef in that great documentary about the French restaurant.

I’d give my predictions for a Jill Stein victory but…c’mon…that ain’t gonna happen. ROAR!!!

49 comments

Latest

  • jaybud999
    14 days ago
    You missed puddy and punkin head, otherwise, excellent predictions based on observation.
  • Mate27
    14 days ago
    Lion, you could take the title of being the most clairvoyant if you were putting yourself out there. Unfortunately your predictions are already well known by our fellow brethren. Sigh 😞
  • grrlgonebad
    14 days ago
    Persoanlly, I am seriously considering my options to move to Europe if 45 is 47.

    I've got an opportunity to work over there, but I haven't really put it on the list because my family and friends are all here... but... I don't think I can take it if I have to live in a world where I am going to be "protected" no matter if I like it or not...
  • drewcareypnw
    14 days ago
    This post is funny. Predictions range between “trump is going to win” and “it’s too close to call”, so I guess we will have trump again and it will be 1, 2, and 3 as the talking lion says. It’s really too bad, but that’s what you get running candidates whose best attribute is “not trump” 2 times in a row. I’m going to go cry into some avocado toast.
  • twentyfive
    14 days ago
    ^ you’re going to let a bully chase you out of this great country, that’s just as unAmerican as his behavior.
  • ilbbaicnl
    14 days ago
    If Trump wins, dances will go up to $100 per song because of the 200% tariff on Shein.
  • RonJax2
    14 days ago
    I'm pretty sure RFK Jr isn't on the ballot in any states.

    My predictions:
    - 20% chance: Red bloodbath in which Trump wins decisively in the Electoral College and the GOP takes control of both houses. Trump takes most of the swing states and even Virginia and New Hampshire are both competitive. In this scenario, overall polling biases are similar to 2020, in that the polls have way underestimated Trump support.
    - 26% chance: Trump loses the popular vote but eeks out a narrow electoral college victory by winning PA and enough of the sunbelt to come out on top. Dems flip the house in this scenario, but the GOP flips the Senate.
    - 3% chance: The race is a statistical tie, coming down to hundreds of votes in Pennsylvania. In this case a bunch of protracted lawsuits wind up in front of the supreme court, which decides the election for Trump, prompting nationwide unrest.
    - 26% chance: Harris wins the popular vote by about 2-3 points which is enough for a narrow EC victory. (Either she holds the blue wall and looses the sun belt, or she looses PA but takes NV, NC, and GA.) Dems take the house but the GOP takes the Senate. In this scenario Trump will try to steal the election, as he did in 2020, causing massive unrest nationwide.
    - 25% chance: Polling error on margin with the 2022 midterm, which results in a massive blue wave. Harris takes most of the swing states, wins in Iowa and Alaska unexpectedly, and Texas and Florida are competitive. Harris takes the house and a narrow Senate majority. Trump still claims the election is rigged but no one listens to him and the party quickly abandons him realizing the size and significance of the defeat.

    Regardless of who wins, the cadre of neofascists who post here (most of whom I have on block) will report a bunch of fake news about phantoms of electoral malfeasance.
  • motorhead
    14 days ago
    “Persoanlly, I am seriously considering my options to move to Europe if 45 is 47”



    Just like in 2016….and I’m still waiting for George Clooney, Barbra Streisand, Bobby DeNiro, Susan Sarandon, Rosie O’Donnell, Sean Penn and Whoopie Goldberg to follow thru with their promises


  • Puddy Tat
    14 days ago
    My median scenario:

    I give Trump 60/40 odds of winning both EV/PV as systematic bias again underestimates the Trump vote and he takes all the true swing states (i.e. not VA, NM, NH, MN). 52-48 GOP Senate (WV and MT flip) with a lot of races like OH, PA, MI, WI, NV where they come up just short, often because they ran an inferior candidate. I don't know the district by district of the House but I think whomever takes the presidency takes it.

    Of those, GOP Senate is my strongest prediction, almost a foregone conclusion in two red states with strong leads.

    But regardless of how this shakes out, I don't see big changes coming. Bare majorities always mean a few outliers gum up the works and stop any kind of sweeping change.

    If presidency and Senate are united, we'll see the two oldest justices on each side retire and give way to two younger ones, in addition to any other openings that might naturally arise. If Trump + GOP Senate, we might even see Sotomayor retire now so they can replace her with someone younger and healthier before the new government is installed.

    Regardless, we might not know the outcome for 2 weeks, as the armies of already-assembled lawyers will contest every last ballot. Neither will go down easy.

    But I also predict that no matter who wins, the more they win the more they will get spanked in 2026. Especially if Trump wins as we're set to have 20 R and only 13 D seats up for grabs that year.
  • drewcareypnw
    14 days ago
    @grrl: I actually did this. I sold my house, put my stuff in storage, and moved to England. I did a 1 year masters degree there and knew people at a big international company and I got hired very soon after I completed my degree. I had everything that the brits wanted at the time to level up to citizen. But I didn't. In the end I missed my own culture.

    English culture was pretty interesting for a while, but at some point I stopped caring. I didn't GAF why little kids were burning little paper men on a stick in the park each Guy Fawkes day. It seemed stupid and gross. Just like their obsession with soccer clubs. Who gives a shit. I sure didn't. They were also obsessed with animal rights to where their internal terrorists were focused on fur farms, as in instead of loonies bombing an abortion clinic like here, their loonies were bombing a farmhouse on a mink farm, digging up the farmers grandmother's grave and parading the corpse around. A family left a ground floor window open to their baby's room, a fox got in and mauled the kid. When it hit the papers, the local animal rights terrorists started threatening the parents bc the article might incite violence against foxes. WTF? Working there was slow and very bureaucratic. People did very very little at their jobs in general. It was all fun for a while and travel was killer, but in the end I didn't really line up with what they cared about and missed rock and roll and the PNW outdoors. I left during Bush and came back during Obama. I was digging that.

    At the same time, moving was a pain in the ass. Not just flights and packing and storage and sad goodbyes etc. But opening a bank account in a place where you need a bank account to get utilities turned on and need a utilities statement to open a bank account, was an actual thing. Seriously. People didn't drive, or else had the shittiest little cars that barely did 50mph and there was nowhere to park anyway. Steaks at the local grocery were grey, but you could get 2 chickens for £5. Life in general was governed by bureaucrats at every level, and they did not GAF. Bear in mind that I still had to file and pay US taxes the whole time. Finding a local tax preparer to do US+UK taxes was a whole PITA on its own.

    It wasn't all bad though, the beer was great, the pubs were cute, the countryside was idyllic, the restaurants in London were epic, and the women were hot and dressed to kill and liked to get drunk and fuck. It was great in some ways, lame in others. One time I went to a grocery store to get stuff for thanksgiving dinner, and they didn't have cranberry sauce. The most I could do was find cranberry fucking chutney. Turkeys came with feet on them. It was the final straw. I cried at the grocery store that day because I'd just about had it with their weird ass culture. But after a year or two, I was more comfortable. Not like I am here, but less bothered by everything probably bc I gave up caring.

    Their politicians were also just as shitty as ours, but in a more smallminded way. Their country used to be a big deal internationally, but it's not now and politics were mostly about gotchas and scoring points. They also have their own haters and racists and nationalists, they're just different, and some are very weird. Like their whole hatred/fear of gingers. That's some crazy weird racism.

    Which is all to say that I found changing countries interesting and fun, but also a serious pain in the ass and not really worth making it permanent in the end. I did it, but I really had to work to do it. I remember the day the University called me at 5AM PST on a Wednesday asking if I would be in town (5k miles away!) that Friday for an interview. It was very inconvenient to say the least, but I did it. That was pain one in a long series of pain in the ass moments changing countries.

    FWIW


  • Puddy Tat
    14 days ago
    @drew - Great story. I thought about going expat to Germany for work, not because of an election. Local FKKs, ability to go see a whole other cultures on a cheap weekend, friendly people (they don't have that rep but I've always gotten along great with them), gorgeous scenery all around, history the likes of which just doesn't exist in America.

    But in the end my friends and family are here. I wanted to be able to help my aging parents and grandmother or even just spend a long weekend with them. Long term I see myself stateside so I want to build my community here, not over 5 years in Europe then have to abandon one or the other.

    Regardless of who wins, I don't see myself leaving here any time soon.
  • motorhead
    14 days ago
    “You missed puddy and punkin head”



    I assume that’s directed at me. Derogatory name-calling. Right out of the liberal playbook. You can’t debate the issues so you resort to second grade playground tactics.

    Just like Hillary calling conservatives “deplorables”. Biden calling us “garbage” and Harris using words like “Fascist” and “Hitler”
  • ilbbaicnl
    14 days ago
    The risk of violence is real, but vastly overestimated. 90+% of the January 6 protesters (and the George Floyd protesters) were law abiding.
  • Puddy Tat
    14 days ago
    ^ By that logic, Jeffrey Dahmer lived a mostly non-cannibal life as 99+% of his days he wasn't killing or eating people.

    I think Jan 6 is more likely to happen on the Democratic side and protests that they use the certification process to stop them from certifying Trump (as they have the levers of powers). If Trump loses, his followers might protest but it wouldn't be like Jan 6.
  • Muddy
    14 days ago
    It would have to be Trump in a landslide if he wants to win. If it's anywhere near close, there's no way he's able to overtake all the dead people and illegal alien votes. BS Mail in votes plus the no ID crowd. It's just too much to contend with otherwise.
  • EastCoaster
    14 days ago
    RonJax2 said, "I'm pretty sure RFK Jr isn't on the ballot in any states."

    According to USA Today on Sept 16 (which may not be current today), Kennedy will appear on 33 different state ballots including:

    Alabama
    Alaska
    Arkansas
    California
    Colorado
    Connecticut
    Delaware
    Hawaii
    Idaho
    Illinois
    Indiana
    Iowa
    Kansas
    Kentucky
    Louisiana
    Maryland
    Michigan
    Minnesota
    Mississippi
    Montana
    New Jersey
    New Mexico
    Oklahoma
    Oregon
    Rhode Island
    South Dakota
    Tennessee
    Utah
    Vermont
    Washington
    Washington, D.C.
    West Virginia
    Wisconsin

    Obviously, the list could have changed by now, but I'm pretty sure he's still on the ballot somewhere. He tried to get his name removed from every state and failed in at least a handful of them.

    FWIW, I have no prediction what effect this will have on the election. My official position is "Who the fuck knows how any of this will shake out?"
  • jaybud999
    13 days ago
    @motorhead

    Punkin head is my 5th grade term for misterorange.

    You aren't even on my radar. But now.....yes.

    Puddy and gam have already taken the ignore approach.

    Take the bet puddy.
  • dustyj
    13 days ago
    My prediction is that Trump will get less than 200 electoral college votes and it might be closer to 150. Women and younger voters are coming out in droves and early voting numbers are at record levels. States like Texas are becoming more Democratic and might even be in play. The only demographic that Trump wins with are old fossil white men whose numbers are shrinking as they die off. Trump is running out of gas mentally and would likely die in office or not be well enough physically or mentally to actually fulfill the job of president for the next 4 years.
  • ilbbaicnl
    13 days ago
    Jack Daniels will win as a write-in candidate, but Kamala will claim it was due to illegal voting by non-primates, and refuse to certify the electoral vote.
  • wld4tatas
    13 days ago
    A brilliant and wise post by the OP... thank you Mr. Lion.

    And a great story drew - very relatable.

  • ilbbaicnl
    13 days ago
    On Wednesday we'll all be winners. Cause grrlgonebad will be nekked again on her profile banner.
  • dannyboy3
    13 days ago
    The real question is to what extent the polls are skewed and in which direction. A 2020 style miss means Trump wins easily. Closer to 2022 and it's a legitimate toss up. There are indicators that support either candidate winning, but I'd call it 60/40 for Trump
  • dustyj
    13 days ago
    60/40 Trump? Seriously? Ever since abortion has been banned in certain states woman have been voting in droves against Republicans. Those states have shortages of doctors because no new doctors want to come work in those states. This election is going to show just how out of touch Republicans are with what Americans actually want. This election is not going to be close.
  • dustyj
    13 days ago
    women not woman. Fucking autocorrect.
  • ilbbaicnl
    13 days ago
    If people voted logically, we wouldn't always have to pick from bad options. It's next to impossible to predict illogical behavior.
  • grrlgonebad
    13 days ago
    I am probably going to go to Europe anyway, but it would be nice to be able to come back without gritting my teeth...

    I have an opportunity to work in eastern Europe.... they have been trying to get me to come over since COVID... and I think i might just do it. It will be an adventure... not always a nice one... but it should be VERY interesting!

    I think I am just ready for a change... regardless of how this all comes out. I am tired of America... and like DCPNW said above... it will make me realize how good certain parts of the US are... and how bad others are... looking at life through another lens.
  • ilbbaicnl
    13 days ago
    @ggb right wing populism, with fascist overtones, is also a thing in Europe.
  • Puddy Tat
    13 days ago
    ^ Right wing populism is on the rise worldwide. Europe it's related a lot to immigration, especially from Muslim countries, a lot of whom have basically created "no go" zones for police in some areas.

    That's another reason why I think Trump wins. We are not immune to worldwide trends. As long as the working man and women are getting screwed, nationalism will sell.
  • misterorange
    13 days ago
    @grrlgonebad - "Persoanlly, I am seriously considering my options to move to Europe if 45 is 47."

    Hey dude, do us all a favor and just leave right now. Everyone knows you're a hairy-ass tub 'o lard posting fake profile pics from your mom's basement. Even she would be glad you're gone.
  • rickthelion
    13 days ago
    Relax orangeape. You obviously believe that that grrlgonebad is a male rather than a sexy female. Well, this rick is a genius and therefore can see a way to test your hypothesis.

    What would you say if grrlgonebad posted a topless pic with “I ❤️” written above her tits in sharpie and “rick the lion” written on the tits? Girlgonebad, if you are worried about the relatively long term sharpie writing, you could use lipstick. But you should believe this rick when he says that you’ll get higher tips with a declaration of lion love on your tits. I mean really…would a lion post lies on the internet?

    You know what would be even more proof for all of your TUSCL fans? If you wrote “I ❤️ ALL RICKS” on your ass and posted a photo of yourself bending over and spreading your ass cheeks. Sharpie in the butthole for extra points.

    I bet some of your fans would drain a large proportion of their precious bodily fluids jackin’ it…well, not Kent Ape, since he only jacks off when men respond to his bait. But the normal guys that dig tits and ass might engage in at least some moderate jackin’. So…what say you grrlgonebad? Can we count on some sexy sharpie or lipstick writing? ROAR!!!
  • RonJax2
    13 days ago
    @puddytat
    > Right wing populism is on the rise worldwide.

    It is on the rise. The cause is because our information diets are saturated with disinformation. And there are many xenophobes who are easily persuadable with bigotry. For example, a bunch of American idiots right now thing that parts of Europe have been overrun by migrants that have created "no go" zones.

    When in fact, net migration inflows to European nations are even lower than to the US.

    But people believe bigoted things, such as the Trumpian / Hitlerian idea that "immigrants are poisoning our blood."

    @EastCoaster,

    Really interesting list! It does look like they got RFK off the ballot in just about everywhere that matters, but I still see North Carolina, Wisconsin on this list, and those are easily elections that could come down to a few would-be Trump voters who pull the lever for RFK instead!
  • Puddy Tat
    13 days ago
    @Ron - saying it's "disinformation" is not an argument, it's an opinion. The no go zones in Sweden, France, and the UK are well documented. The rallies pushing for Islamic law are well documented. Lol or maybe they're deep fakes like KJP said any evidence if Biden's infirmity was. God damn you're a lightweight.
  • RonJax2
    13 days ago
    > The no go zones in Sweden, France, and the UK are well documented.

    They're about as well documented as dog eating Haitians in the US. Prove me wrong with some reputable citations.
  • Puddy Tat
    13 days ago
    I accept your apology.

    I know you'll get lazy and dismiss this one as a conservative paper but it's well cited. Tell me, sugar tits, is the increase in rapes just disinformation too???
    https://europeanconservative.com/article…

    France and UK
    https://www.gatestoneinstitute.org/5128/…

    I don't think "Islamophobia" is a thing when it's a rational fear. It seems like America is the only place in the world where they play nice in the sandbox.

    One of those rallies for a caliphate that definitely didn't happen. Sorry it was Germany not France.

    https://www.politico.eu/article/germany-…

    You may kiss the Puddy Tat's furry little ass ;-)
  • twentyfive
    13 days ago
    Here’s more on those European no go zones
    https://www.splcenter.org/fighting-hate/…
  • Puddy Tat
    13 days ago
    ^ The grifting, hard left SPLC admits it and rationalizes it...
  • RonJax2
    13 days ago
    @puddytat You're complaining about bias in the SPLC, and yet you're posting raving alt-right publications as if they're a source any reasonable person would consider.

    The only valid information you've provided is the link to EU politico, which does not at all support the idea of "no-go" zones in countries overrun by immigrants. Such things are phantoms of right-wing imagination.

    The article you posted talks about a protest of only 1,000 people in a city with over 6 million inhabitants. It doesn't sound to me like anyone's been overrun. With that said, I agree with the conclusion of your article:

    > “If you want a caliphate,” she added, “you’ve come to the wrong place in Germany.”

    I feel the same way about Trump voters. If you want an autocracy you should move to Russia, the DPRK, or China and quit polluting our democratic discourse with neo-fascist zealotry.
  • Puddy Tat
    13 days ago
    @Ron - durr durr durr aLt rIgHt!!!111

    SPLC article is a bunch of ad hominem and whining about Fox News, regardless of the source it's nonsense. What I posted is cited with stats all around.

    "The article you posted talks about a protest of only 1,000 people in a city with over 6 million inhabitants."

    You seem quite confused, mixing and matching various articles. I didn't mention anything about 1,000 people creating a no-go zone in Germany, I talked about a protest for a caliphate that if it occurs anywhere should set off alarm bells.

    Four years of Trump didn't create an autocracy, meanwhile we have the Democratic candidates saying free speech doesn't apply to "misinformation" or "hate speech" (which THEY get to define). Did Trump do that in his first term? Did he actually try to jail Hillary, lean on social media, or shut down news outlets?

    Goddamn you are dense.
  • grrlgonebad
    13 days ago
    @Rick... I would if i cared. Which I don't.
  • RonJax2
    13 days ago
    > I talked about a protest for a caliphate that if it occurs anywhere should set off alarm bells.

    Yeah, and this had nothing to do with "No go zones" or countries being overrun by immigrants. I am still awaiting your source on these claims.

    With that said, if a protest in which 1,000 protestors in Berlin call for a caliphate concerns you (and it definitely does concern me personally, a caliphate can suck my balls), I'm wondering if this concerns you: A rally in the US where 50,000 people cheered for calls to overturn a free and fair election, followed a mob of thousands assaulting the US Capitol.
  • Puddy Tat
    13 days ago
    ^ No, scooter, the caliphate protests were the cherry on top.

    Nice whatabout Jan 6. But if we're going to talk about protests gone bad, how about the George Floyd riots that caused tens of thousands of times more damage--and the presidential candidate that organized a bailout fund.
  • twentyfive
    13 days ago
    There’s no ad hominem in the SCLC article, and basically it simply rebuts a bunch of false statements and fraudulent conspiracy theories.
    There is no place in Europe where what you are describing is taking place, there are a few minor issues that have taken place, but nowhere has sharia law supplanted the law of the countries like you are describing. This is just a bunch of hoey and nonsense. It just plain doesn’t exist so stop the nonsense.
  • Puddy Tat
    13 days ago
    ^ Nope. Facts. All up and down those articles. They're real, and the SPLC is a bunch of leftist little bitches who needed a new line of work after the KKK dwindled to nothing.
  • misterorange
    12 days ago
    @rickthelion
    Great idea. But not surprised at the guy's resonse: "@Rick... I would if i cared. Which I don't."
  • rickthelion
    12 days ago
    There are a number of bits of rickish wisdom that I live by. Good life lessons like “no problem is so complex it can’t be solved by Jack”.

    One of the many things I know is this: one should always encourage sexy females to write “I ❤️ rickthelion” on their tits and/or ass cheeks, photograph themselves, and post said photographs on the internet.

    Some day in the far future, archaeologists will dig up a flash drive. Against all odds the data will be intact and the archaeologists will figure out how to visualize the images despite modern file formats being lost to the sands of time. And you know what will be on that flash drive? Botticelli’s Birth of Venus, an AI generated version of the Mona Lisa that has big boobs, and terabytes of images showing sexy females with “I ❤️ rickthelion” written on them. Some of those sexy females will have inserted the sharpie used to write “I ❤️ rickthelion” into their butthole.

    And you know what those archaeologists will do? They will create a museum to show these images. The museum of rickishness. @grrl, support the future museum of rickishness. Become a part of the cultural legacy of the 21st century. ROAR!!!
  • ricktheredmeat
    12 days ago
    The weakest, leastest Rick is making a play to lead the liberal wing of this site. It looks like gamma has a new vacation home in another empty meat bucket.

    Republicans are going to sweep. The democrat party has been exposed for the liars, grifters, CCP puppets, and power-hungry hacks they are. We can expect them to sue for the White House in the swing states they lose, like in 2000, but get shut down by a SCOTUS which follows and upholds the Constitution of this (once and again) great nation.
  • ilbbaicnl
    12 days ago
    Upcoming event at your local strip club: Stripper Sharpie Farting. Prizes for longest distance, and most accurate target shooting.
  • rickthelion
    12 days ago
    ricks aren’t red meat. RICKS EAT RED MEAT. 🥩

    ROAR!!!
  • Puddy Tat
    12 days ago
    @ilbbaicnl - you seen girls in Thailand do that with their vaginas? Quite a sight. Some could hit a 10' high ceiling.
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