Yes, I’ve become a cranky old man.

BabyDoc
Wayfaring Stranger
I’ve got a few minutes of respite and feel like story telling so indulge me if you will. Or not.

As time continues to quickly slip away, I’ve been more determined than ever to make the most of it and have been running harder and harder. Unfortunately, with age not only does the body break down but I have discovered that what would have excited me at 20 or 30 no longer has the same appeal.

Exhibit #1. For about the past two weeks I’ve been reunited with a temporary GF who is a waitress in a strip club. Besides the normal bedroom activities, she really likes to go clubbing. The other night we went from club to club and at each she would pick out two or three dancers to join us. Each time she would encourage them to show friendliness toward me and then ask which one I liked. She’s done this in the past always telling me she just wanted me to enjoy myself.

Eventually we end up in a club where she has chosen a girl with probably the hottest body I’ve ever seen. She then informs me that she wants the three of us to go home together. I said that she should think about talking to the girl first as I laughed it off. Of course, she already had when I had stepped away to use the facilities. I turned to confirm with the dancer that arrangements had indeed been made and she enthusiastically agreed.

Now when I was twenty years old, I would have gone to town on both of them. Since that time, I’ve done threesomes a total of twice in my life and it doesn’t do it for me so I wasn’t interested. An argument ensued. My part time GF wanted the dancer and I told her to go ahead but to leave me out. Not only does a threesome not interest me but I’m fucking old and can’t begin to satisfy two drunk and horny women. I said I had no intention of sitting in a corner watching the two of them go at it. Then came the “what do you think I am, a lesbian?” I told her it didn’t matter to me if she was or not but I’m not going to sit in the corner. She said that wasn’t her plan but rather that they were going to torture me. Yeah, I put her in a cab and I went home alone. Alone and content.

Exhibit #2. Another club another girl that I’ve dated over the years but she has now recently retired and moved away. I was mobbed, like had to beat them off with a stick mobbed by girls competing to take her place. All I wanted to do was drink my beer but even still every time I go in that club the offers just keep coming including an offer of marriage. WTF. I’m an old man. Leave me alone.

Exhibit #3. Another club and another stripper that I know was no longer working but she made contact as soon as she heard I was in town. She is an absolute crazy fun girl. We’ve always thoroughly enjoyed our times together inside and outside of the club. We’ve never had any kind of intimate relations but we have talked about it a lot.

I invited her to lunch so we could catch up. True to form she made me bust out laughing when she walked in the restaurant. She walked in with a huge smile and an eight months pregnant belly. To shorten the story, her BF and the father of her child was out of town. The next day she invited me to fuck her. I’ve never fucked a pregnant woman and again if I was much younger, I would have probably jumped at the chance but I’m an old fuck so with regrets and laughter I had to decline. She told me if I reconsider the offer and her legs would be open for the next week.

As we age, the body may falter and tastes may change but my advice is to use every minute to make lasting memories. Unfortunately, there’s a catch. If you live long enough, you’ll most likely not be able to remember shit anyway so write them down somewhere.

18 comments

  • jackslash
    5 months ago
    Get off my lawn!
  • shadowcat
    5 months ago
    What really pisses me off is that none of them give senior citizen discounts.
  • skibum609
    5 months ago
    ^ damn, lol.
  • twentyfive
    5 months ago
    Just remember, there's worse things than getting old, like not getting old !
  • Hank Moody
    5 months ago
    I’m not as old as you are but we’re all aging. Your post just tells me to YOLO because tomorrow I might be willing and the body won’t. Or the body might be willing but I won’t. Either way, don’t pass up opportunities because tomorrow isn’t promised.
  • gSteph
    5 months ago
    >> not be able to remember shit anyway so write them down somewhere

    ^ This. I don't club a LOT, (agreement with wife) but what I do, I make a few notes in a spreadsheet- especially about my favorite for the visit. So a least a little, I'll be able to remember the glorious tits and sensual ways of the dancers that filled my lap.
  • georgmicrodong
    5 months ago
    I hope I never get old enough to feel like I have to decline the amorous attentions of women like you describe here. 😉
  • drewcareypnw
    5 months ago
    Seems like you are killing it! I’d be happy to have half that much action at any age. I can see turning down a 3 way if I didn’t feel up to it. No sense in getting wound up for something you can’t enjoy.
  • sinclair
    5 months ago
    Threesomes aren't as great as we make them out to be. There are few positions where all three people can be participating at once. Inevitably, one person ends up on the side idle while the two others are going at it.
  • BabyDoc
    5 months ago
    Update from last night.

    I forgave Exhibit #1 and took her out for another night of clubbing. She wanted to go back for the hot bodied stripper. I said “NO” which she accepted. We drank surrounded by girls she had invited to join us and THEN…

    No not the threesome thing again. Something far more frightening to a man like me. She started throwing around the word “LOVE”. I straight away told her to stop but she only got louder and more emphatic announcing to the world that she loves me.

    I went home alone again.

    But earlier in the evening the girl that I had dated (and I do mean dated) from Exhibit #2 showed up at her former club. Apparently, she didn’t move that far away. All I can say is the it is raining very pregnant women lately. I must have counted thirty times on my fingers just how long ago we were together. I guess that I already have fucked a pregnant girl because seven is less than nine. Right??? LOLOLOLOLOL phew… She confirmed it ain’t mine.

    Now maybe I should reconsider Exhibit #3’s offer. hmmmmmm
  • BabyDoc
    5 months ago
    @sinclair. That has been my experience exactly. It does not excite me at all.
  • Puddy Tat
    5 months ago
    I bought one threesome and it was pretty lame. Paid for two girls that came as a couple but in the room acted allergic to each other. One at a time from now on.
  • BabyDoc
    5 months ago
    @Hank Moody. I have always been of the philosophy that “tomorrow we may die” and it has always frustrated me when other people or institutions or governments or society made me wait to live my life to the fullest.

    If I had a grandson, I would give him advice to avoid waiting. There is a passage from a Polish author whose name eludes me but he was describing a desolate place the he was passing through. It was wind swept and cold empty space like in Eastern Europe where a border guard had stood watch waiting for something. Maybe he was waiting for an enemy. He wasn’t sure but he knew he was waiting there for something. After years and years of waiting for that enemy who never came, he put a bullet through his brains out of pure boredom.

    So, to that grandson of mine that I hope doesn’t exist, I would tell him not to live a wasted life always waiting for something. YOLO.
  • DrStab
    5 months ago
    I can barely handle one woman, much less two, although I would be tempted.

    Would have definitely gotten it on with the pregnant gal. Sounds fun!
  • Manuellabore
    5 months ago
    Pregnant women, especially late term, are intensely passionate, owing to the heavy load of hormones in their system, so that is an experience worth collecting
    I’ve gotten talked into two threesomes, and it didn’t do much for me at all.
  • gammanu95
    5 months ago
    Eight months pregnant. ..That's like mounting a basketball.
  • gammanu95
    5 months ago
    Otherwise, I completely agree with baby doc's sentiments. Carpet diem, every diem you can for as long as you can.
  • Manuellabore
    5 months ago
    ^^gamma^^ An otherwise fit woman shouldn’t look much different from behind even if she’s 8 months pregnant. That’s the approach to take IIRC
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