Yes, I’ve become a cranky old man.

I’ve got a few minutes of respite and feel like story telling so indulge me if you will. Or not.

As time continues to quickly slip away, I’ve been more determined than ever to make the most of it and have been running harder and harder. Unfortunately, with age not only does the body break down but I have discovered that what would have excited me at 20 or 30 no longer has the same appeal.

Exhibit #1. For about the past two weeks I’ve been reunited with a temporary GF who is a waitress in a strip club. Besides the normal bedroom activities, she really likes to go clubbing. The other night we went from club to club and at each she would pick out two or three dancers to join us. Each time she would encourage them to show friendliness toward me and then ask which one I liked. She’s done this in the past always telling me she just wanted me to enjoy myself.

Eventually we end up in a club where she has chosen a girl with probably the hottest body I’ve ever seen. She then informs me that she wants the three of us to go home together. I said that she should think about talking to the girl first as I laughed it off. Of course, she already had when I had stepped away to use the facilities. I turned to confirm with the dancer that arrangements had indeed been made and she enthusiastically agreed.

Now when I was twenty years old, I would have gone to town on both of them. Since that time, I’ve done threesomes a total of twice in my life and it doesn’t do it for me so I wasn’t interested. An argument ensued. My part time GF wanted the dancer and I told her to go ahead but to leave me out. Not only does a threesome not interest me but I’m fucking old and can’t begin to satisfy two drunk and horny women. I said I had no intention of sitting in a corner watching the two of them go at it. Then came the “what do you think I am, a lesbian?” I told her it didn’t matter to me if she was or not but I’m not going to sit in the corner. She said that wasn’t her plan but rather that they were going to torture me. Yeah, I put her in a cab and I went home alone. Alone and content.

Exhibit #2. Another club another girl that I’ve dated over the years but she has now recently retired and moved away. I was mobbed, like had to beat them off with a stick mobbed by girls competing to take her place. All I wanted to do was drink my beer but even still every time I go in that club the offers just keep coming including an offer of marriage. WTF. I’m an old man. Leave me alone.

Exhibit #3. Another club and another stripper that I know was no longer working but she made contact as soon as she heard I was in town. She is an absolute crazy fun girl. We’ve always thoroughly enjoyed our times together inside and outside of the club. We’ve never had any kind of intimate relations but we have talked about it a lot.

I invited her to lunch so we could catch up. True to form she made me bust out laughing when she walked in the restaurant. She walked in with a huge smile and an eight months pregnant belly. To shorten the story, her BF and the father of her child was out of town. The next day she invited me to fuck her. I’ve never fucked a pregnant woman and again if I was much younger, I would have probably jumped at the chance but I’m an old fuck so with regrets and laughter I had to decline. She told me if I reconsider the offer and her legs would be open for the next week.

As we age, the body may falter and tastes may change but my advice is to use every minute to make lasting memories. Unfortunately, there’s a catch. If you live long enough, you’ll most likely not be able to remember shit anyway so write them down somewhere.