Michigan Dancers and Customers
Just looking for some insight. I'm a good looking gal - dancer's bod (size 2, natural B/C, pretty face, long blond hair, 34 yrs and I'm a sweetie - no nagging bitchiness here!)
For the past 10 years of my relationship (married for the past 6) - my hubby has been taking clients to various MI clubs (Players & Trumps are 2 favorites)
Here's the problem - he never told me. Please note, his home mileage is high w/ ALL the extras (we enjoy many activities inc. porn) - we have a fun relationship - best friends and he also knows I would have gone w/ him (I have my own curiosities and it would have been fun!)
It's been pulling teeth to get the details and I want 'em to understand why he would have lied. The real hurtful part was he was there this summer while I was home w/ a newborn (BTW - even sleep deprived from constant breastfeeding I still "helped him out" as early as 3 weeks after my c-sec) and oh - I was back to my pre-preggers bod after 3 months)
I only have little info and really want the take of those "in the know" - it's a trust issue.
Is it reasonable that he rarely had private dances and just gave the money to his clients? It it believable that he only ever had 3 private dances in all these years and he only had his hands on her hips and she didn't touch (I really doubt this one - I would've touched! and he LOVES having his nipples touched/licked) he says he only went w/ the good looking gals and he says that the better looking gals "don't do anthing extra, they only Air Dance" and how were the private areas at Players & Trumps a few years back before any renovations? - he says dances were not off in some secluded area before this.
Why do married men go and why would he have lied? Do I need a male escort to get in the club? Knowing all you know - do I forgive him or am I better off w/o him? I know it's alot of questions - I really appreciate your answers so I can work though who this guy I have Loved really is.
For the past 10 years of my relationship (married for the past 6) - my hubby has been taking clients to various MI clubs (Players & Trumps are 2 favorites)
Here's the problem - he never told me. Please note, his home mileage is high w/ ALL the extras (we enjoy many activities inc. porn) - we have a fun relationship - best friends and he also knows I would have gone w/ him (I have my own curiosities and it would have been fun!)
It's been pulling teeth to get the details and I want 'em to understand why he would have lied. The real hurtful part was he was there this summer while I was home w/ a newborn (BTW - even sleep deprived from constant breastfeeding I still "helped him out" as early as 3 weeks after my c-sec) and oh - I was back to my pre-preggers bod after 3 months)
I only have little info and really want the take of those "in the know" - it's a trust issue.
Is it reasonable that he rarely had private dances and just gave the money to his clients? It it believable that he only ever had 3 private dances in all these years and he only had his hands on her hips and she didn't touch (I really doubt this one - I would've touched! and he LOVES having his nipples touched/licked) he says he only went w/ the good looking gals and he says that the better looking gals "don't do anthing extra, they only Air Dance" and how were the private areas at Players & Trumps a few years back before any renovations? - he says dances were not off in some secluded area before this.
Why do married men go and why would he have lied? Do I need a male escort to get in the club? Knowing all you know - do I forgive him or am I better off w/o him? I know it's alot of questions - I really appreciate your answers so I can work though who this guy I have Loved really is.
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I had a long-winded, rambling response to your questions, but thought better of it. If you want the long answer, I could email it, but wouldn't risk sending an uninvited email to you.
From your description (YOWZA!), and some of the things you've said (you have your own curiosities and would go to the clubs with him -YES!), he's a very lucky guy!
So, the short (well, shortER) answer , from a guy's perspective.
If you can answer "no" to all of these questions, you probably don't have too much to worry about;
DO you think there is anything lacking in your marriage?
Is he "on the road" a lot?
Does he go to the strip clubs frequently?
Does he go to the strip clubs by himself?
Have you noticed large sums of money that are unaccounted for?
Have you found one or more of the proverbial "signs" (makeup/lipstick stains on clothes, unexplained long hairs, perfume scent on clothes, "other stains" in underwear, hickies)?
fyi: these were typically lunches - during work hours (I happened to come across his expense report - over a grand in cash advances each tvisit!)
DougS...
DO you think there is anything lacking in your marriage? Well - NOW I wonder!
Is he "on the road" a lot? About 15%
Does he go to the strip clubs frequently? Won't fully disclose - last conversation he upped the times to every 3 months (it keeps changing)
Does he go to the strip clubs by himself? Don't think so.
Have you noticed large sums of money that are unaccounted for? No, but he has a large expense account for entertainment and we keep our monies separate.
Have you found one or more of the proverbial "signs" (makeup/lipstick stains on clothes, unexplained long hairs, perfume scent on clothes, "other stains" in underwear, hickies)? No, although I so trusted him I may not have noticed (plus I'm always he culprit of long hairs!)
PLEASE - send your long-winded email - I need a guy's perspective!!!
trojangreg - you make sense - although his clients are in-town and he now says he won't go anymore (said his boss always asked him to go) - it's just all so convienent, his answers - you know?
As far as your personal relationship with your husband, trust your instincts. Personally, I have a beautiful wife that has a stripper body and she knows that I visit the clubs but she trusts me that I do not seek sex on the side, and she actually likes me a bit more after I come home. All that energy is hers to take. Once when she was 7 months pregnant with our boy, I came home from the Colesium and... I guess it works different for different couples and it all comes to the issue of trust.
If you would manage to have him talk, you might find what it was he was looking for there. A variety maybe...Again, you know him better than any of us. If you worry wether or not your husband cheated on you, the name of the club does not matter, he could have arranged OTC sessions.
My 2 cents is you're probably making a mountain out of a mole hill. A buddy of mine hired hookers and looked for other sexual relief outside of marriage continually. (Married for over 20 years, btw.) The wife was madder than a little red hen whenever she find out and extremely hurt to the point of non-stop crying.
The thing is she is totally in the dark about how much he values her. The other women are for sex--He thinks his wife is hot and sweet (definitely correct on both counts), but he feels a strong need to be on the prowl for women who are available whether for a price or for some other reason. Does he lie about it to his wife? Absolutely, because he considers her a good woman and she is above that kind of thing and besides she just wouldn't understand his need to hunt and have sex with almost everything in site. It works great until she figures something out and then she goes from wonderful person to complete nut case.
Is there a double standard? You betcha! He considers her too fine and of excellent character to even consider sleeping with other men because she is just too damn good in every possible way for that. He as a man is supposed to be a beast!!! :)
Your situation could be completely different. But, I see it so often where the man is just a dog or wants to be a dog for his self-esteen (too much man for the old wife) and yet he is still in love with his wife and thinks the world of her. If I was a woman, then I think my main concern would be STDs. No small matter, imo.
I have been patronizing both of the clubs you mentioned on and off for a long time. Trumps for about 20 years and Players since they opened about 15 years ago. I can tell you for a fact that neither of these clubs has ever had air dances. Like most clubs in the Detroit area they both allow full two way contact lap dances. Trumps has always had an upstairs area with leather chairs for lap dances and Players had a seperate area off to one side. These areas could best be described as semi private where you would share the area with other patrons and dancers. They have both recently remodeled these areas to include private rooms with curtains which can be closed. Don’t be fooled just as much went on in the semi private areas as goes on in the private ones now. People just had to be a little sneakier about it.
he says that the better looking gals "don't do anything extra
Over the years I have never been able to find a correlation between looks and mileage. Mileage always varies from dancer to dancer and each dancer will give different mileage to each customer. That being said there is a certain base level of mileage a person can expect to receive usually based on what the club is willing to allow. So one can never anticipate the level of mileage based on how good a dancer looks. In other words just because a dancer is good looking dose not mean that she will give air dances. Just because a dancer is less attractive does not mean she will perform extras. There is no generalizing if a dancer will or will not give extras to a particular customer. Like with all human sexual interaction it is a complex decision based on many factors.
I only have little info and really want the take of those "in the know" - it's a trust issue.
It has been my experience over the years that both customers and dancers alike typically tell their spouses or significant others that nothing but a little innocent fun goes on in strip clubs. If their partners hear otherwise then they proclaim that they are the exception to the rule. Often they get away with it because their partners do not investigate and choose to believe them.
Why do married men go and why would he have lied?
All men married or not go to strip clubs for the same reasons. Read some of the other threads in the form and you will start to get the idea. You have to answer the second half of the question.
Do I need a male escort to get in the club?
Once upon a time you did but not anymore. You should be able to get in with a girlfriend or alone if you choose.
Knowing all you know - do I forgive him or am I better off w/o him?
Only you can answer that.
Your husband probably didn't want to tell you about this because he didn't want you to feel hurt or bad about yourself. My wife blamed herself for me going to clubs and develeoped a severe problem regarding her self confidence and self worth. Several years of therapy later and she's lots better. I've curtailed my clubbing but it remains something I don't ever bring up.
If your relationship is as strong as you imply, I would drop this and focus on your relationship and your new family. Don't obsess over something and have it ruin something great.
ZuluZ: It's probably better that I don't email you my perspective based upon my experiences. JimmyBlong made a lot of sense, unless you have more reasons to be suspicious than you indicated, I think I would take JBs advice.
In my case, I was honest with my woman only because she was brainwashed by the "equality" garbage to the point she felt she could even duke it out with me with proper training and weight lifting. DUMB!!! And, yet she is a super smart lady and she gets sucked into that idiocy. Furthermore, she like many women equates the sex act with LOVE and I do also to a greater extent than most of the males that I know. Still, my interest in fun outside the relationship was driven by the search sexual release only and I didn't want real emotions/intimacy which is why I sought help from pros--strippers or hookers. She couldn't comprehend anyone wanting or needing to pay for it! Many people, male and female, come up with the nonsense about self gratification--she came up with nonsense also. Gee, I could save myself a mint of money if that was real relief like a woman can provide . . . and I love saving money!
As far as my comments, well, forget it! I really can't (but want to) help you. I'm a SC junkie myself. Relationships (since becoming a widower) haven't worked out for me. All I can say is that I hope both you can work on the 'trust' and 'communication' of a relationship. Best wishes to you both.